The word "impressionable" means - very receptive, easily and vividly amenable to impressions, sharply reacting. Children, to whom this definition fits, can be easily frightened, they take any events to heart, worry and worry more often than other peers. And, as a rule, many of their experiences are associated with a sense of fear. Children are afraid of attack, illness, darkness, fairy-tale characters, animals, the elements, fire or war, death, that is, that which directly or indirectly threatens life.
How can you help an impressionable child to feel comfortable in the world around him? Irina Polyakova will help us, family psychologist, which will answer the questions of parents.
- If a child is impressionable, can you read fairy tales to him, where trees, huts talk, look, hear? After such horror stories, the daughter is afraid to stay at home ... (Irina Sedova)
Even if you don't read fairy tales where trees speak, children will invent them themselves. You probably shouldn't be afraid, you just need to think about the dose of such fairy tales. They should be present in the lives of children, but not so often. The child subsequently grows up and forgets that scary fairy tales have been read to him. It's just that at that time, what was described in the book was very important for him. He survived it, he was able to handle it.
As for foreign fairy tales, they are often cruel ... Nevertheless, they are quite acceptable for reading. In these tales, for example, for a cannibal tribe to eat a person - normal phenomenon... For us, Russians, it is a terrible murder that can make a terrible impression on a child. This suggests that we have different cultural traditions, respectively, the perception is not the same.
In general, any fairy tales have many functions that most parents do not know about. For example, fairy tales contribute to the development in a child of an understanding of the inner world of people, are a way to relieve anxiety and foster self-confidence. Fairy tales are an essential element of children's spiritual food. Plunging into a fairy-tale world, the child plunges into the depths of his soul, in which chaos is taking place. Wandering in this dense forest, getting acquainted with the various characters of his psyche, the baby masters this space hidden from his consciousness. And when he returns from the journey back to the real world, he feels more confident in his abilities, that he himself can cope with the difficulties that life will arrange for him.
- My wife is an artist and her son (he is two years old) brings up a fine and impressionable nature to match herself. As a man, this does not suit me. Tell me, if I take him to the bathhouse, hiking, will it temper his character? (Dmitry Panov)
Of course, for a boy, the example of a father is an important matter. If you take him on hikes, build a house, go to the bathhouse together, this is possible and will help. Just do not place high hopes on the fact that he will be the same as dad. It is too early to see a man in a baby of two years, as dad wants it. Dad needs to wait a little while his son grows up, and continue his good deed later.
Indeed, to some parents, the son sometimes does not seem courageous enough, and the daughter at times looks more like a kid ... There is no need to blame the child for this, or, moreover, scold him. The parental task is to show children the world in all its diversity of possibilities. If your daughter prefers to run around the yard surrounded by boys, teach her to sew and cook. Only not by order - there are methods based on trust and mutual understanding. And dad, if he wants, can interest the infantile boy in technology, sports or fishing.
- Every summer my son went to visit his grandmother in another city every summer, but it so happened that the grandmother died. How can you tell your child about it? (Christina Slashcheva)
The child needs to be told the truth. And most importantly, parents should not be afraid of the experiences of their son or daughter. We cannot protect children from experiences, accidents, troubles throughout their lives. But we can teach them to experience all this, being near them.
The most common answer to this question is: "We all will die someday ..." But it seems to me that this explanation is the most terrible for a child. How to explain so as not to frighten the little one? Mom can say, for example: "I am not going to die, I am young, and dad is young, we are healthy and will live for many, many years." And regarding the death of my grandmother, the answer will be appropriate, accordingly, this: "Grandmother was old, she was sick, the heart could not stand it and stopped ..."
Children under 8-10 years old - and even more nervous and vulnerable - it is better not to see the deceased with their own eyes and not to attend the funeral. This can turn out to be such an overwhelming experience that they can then even be tormented by obsessive fears. This does not mean that in the presence of children, one should not even mention deceased relatives. Of course, it should, because, among other things, this also gives hope for "life after life": if a person is remembered, it means that he has not left us completely.
- My child is 2.5 years old, he is very active, we cannot always cope with him. The son is often unruly, especially at bedtime. And you have to scare him with a monster, for example. I understand that scaring children is bad, but still ... What is the way out for parents in this situation? (Alla Korobeinikova)
- This monster is unlikely to affect an ordinary calm child. But I'll tell you right away that bullying won't solve the problem. If the hyperactive baby in question does not sleep much, moves a lot, does not give you rest, then you should contact a specialist.
Nevertheless, the activity of the toddler can be calmed. You need to spend more time with him, not leave him alone. The main thing is correct treatment. There is no need to seat the child: he can listen to a fairy tale on the go. No need to put in a corner, for him this is a terrible punishment. Physically punishing is also useless. Swearing, screaming, cuffs on hyperactive children do not work. On the contrary, they will behave even worse.
Boys should be given the opportunity to throw out energy, but at the same time teach them to meaningful motor activities: swimming, dancing, running, playing ball.
Switching attention is also important. And if you want to keep your son's attention, use simple rewards like sweets. The reward should be symbolic, but it is needed. A hyperactive child does not know how to anticipate the consequences of his actions. And if good deeds are supported by rewards, the child learns the correct behavior patterns at the conditioned reflex level. Moreover, he should feel that the adult is, as it were, playing good behavior with him. Gradually, one should move from material incentives to verbal ones. Hyperactive children are poorly managed but sensitive. They are able to understand that they have offended someone, to repent. Appealing to their natural kindness, using affection as a stimulus, you need to accustom them to the behavior accepted in society.
- I have a shy and vulnerable child. My daughter only plays with me, she prefers to play alone on the court. May burst into tears for any reason. I was like that myself. I wished the girl (she was 3.5 years old) was not like that, but I don't know what needs to be done for this. (Natalia Krylova)
The child has congenital features that have been inherited. There is also a mother who is vulnerable and impressionable herself and broadcasts this disturbing information to her daughter. It is hard to imagine that a girl would grow up with such a brave and determined mother. There is nothing wrong with that. For such children, there are special psychotherapeutic groups, where special conditions of communication are created, under which children in a safe environment under the supervision of psychologists, in contact with other children, play those situations in which they cannot find themselves in real life. This helps, children begin to communicate more easily. Try to contact a psychological center with similar groups.
Now let's listen to what the children themselves say. This is how they answered the question: "What scares you and what delights you?"
* I am afraid of thunderstorms, very scary, it seems as if the light bulb will burn out and fall.
I admire the forest and love to walk there with my parents.
* I am scared when someone has some kind of injury. Or someone has suffered because of something. I am very afraid of spiders, they have a lot of paws and they can crawl to you.
I am fascinated by some animals. And also good grades that I get in some subject.
* I am afraid of the dark, as it seems to me that there are werewolves and ghosts.
* I am afraid of fires.
I admire figure skating, I do it, and I really like this sport.
* Height scares me. I'm afraid it's scary when the height is 6 meters and you have to jump into the water.
Horses delight me, as well as the gifts that they give me.
So what is the task of a parent raising an impressionable child? You need to be with your child as close as possible, share with him the impressions that surprised or frightened him, be sure to listen ... and not be afraid of anything! 
Magazine "My children"
A shy and vulnerable child does not know how and does not dare to make contacts with others, and especially unfamiliar and strangers... Even among those he knows well, he gets lost, with difficulty answering questions from adults (with the exception of close relatives, to whom he is usually very attached).
In a children's institution, such a child adapts extremely slowly, with great difficulty. He cannot ask the teacher a question, even the most necessary one, he is embarrassed to ask to go to the toilet, etc. As a result, he gets trapped more often than other children.
Not understanding the teacher's tasks, such a child does not dare to ask again and at the same time is afraid of not doing what is required, as a result, he performs the task so incorrectly that it causes bewilderment and laughter of children and discontent of the teacher. In the classroom, it is difficult to get him to answer questions, and if he still succeeds, then he speaks quietly and indistinctly, usually briefly. Performances at a holiday, at a sports competition turn into real torment for him. Any situation where a child himself has to say or do something in full view of the public, involving an assessment of his actions by other people (educator, peers) or including elements of competition (who draws better, who will run faster, who will jump further, who will throw more accurately and etc.), completely paralyzes his already limited capabilities. Lack of confidence in himself, in his own strengths, in the correctness of his actions, fear of not being liked by the audience make such a child completely helpless.
Outward manifestations of shyness are so typical that they immediately catch the eye. As a rule, shy children are very constrained in movements, when communicating with adults, they take a forced tense posture, stoop, bend their heads, fiddle with their hands or clothes, touch their hair or face. In the overwhelming majority of cases, they avoid meeting the interlocutor with their eyes, and if they meet, they immediately withdraw them, blush, and turn away. In a group of other children, they try to hide behind other people's backs, or at least hide their face. Their main desire is not to attract attention to themselves, to be invisible, to be on the sidelines.
The vulnerability of such children is a direct result of their vulnerability, impressionability and lack of necessary communication skills. Their feeling of insecurity in themselves and their actions is, moreover, associated with increased sensitivity to assessments of any kind (judgments and rewards, censures and praises), as well as ridicule. Insufficient communication experience does not allow the child to understand the reasons for this or that attitude towards himself from other people. Simply put, he does not know why he likes or dislikes him, but habitually summarizes his life experience: "I still won't succeed, and everyone will laugh."
An important feature of shy children is a tendency to an internal way of expressing emotions, restraint in their external manifestations. Such children almost never laugh or cry loudly, do not rush away in fear (for example, from a dog), but, numb, remain in place. Even their rare pranks are timid and naive, they don't make noise, don't jump, rarely do anything illegal.
Shy children feel and understand more than they can express, they accumulate more information, knowledge and skills than they use in real life. Due to the fact that children of this kind are very vulnerable, they should be treated especially gently. Raising voice, shouting, prodding, pulling, frequent prohibitions, censures and punishments cause the opposite reaction: they lead to lethargy, repetition of wrong actions. The constant use of such "educational tools", whether in kindergarten or at home, can lead to neurotic disorders in the child.
Eugene, Hello!
I have a question about my daughter. She's 4 years old. The girl is vulnerable and emotional, it doesn't cost her anything to cry, even an insignificant situation and tears in her eyes. There are children who can restrain their emotions, she cannot. She often wants to be the first, to do everything perfectly and is very upset if something does not work out for her. The result is tears. I explain to her that being the first is not the main thing, that it is more important to try. If it doesn't work, try again. That in any case, she's great. But my words are not yet very encouraging. By the way, she is a capable girl. Already can count and read. How can I teach her that a failed attempt is not a reason to cry? In general, any situation where something does not happen as she planned or wanted, is also not a reason for frustration. She has no tantrums. Just tears. Calms down quickly enough. Sometimes I feel irritated and say something like: “how much can you cry about every occasion?” When I am irritated myself, try not to pay attention or escort her to a room where she can cry and return to everyone when she calms down.
The second question is about the kindergarten and the relationship with the teacher. The child is afraid of the teacher and because of this, every morning a trip to the garden turns into something incredible and unpleasant. At first there was a long adaptation, it was difficult for my daughter to come to terms with the fact that she needed to go to kindergarten... And when all the children walked, maybe not with pleasure, but calmly, she continued to cry. And he cries exactly at the moment of parting with me. The caregivers say that he behaves well all day. We have been having conflicts with this teacher for some time. They arose on the basis of various disagreements, but they were resolved peacefully. As a result, the love for me and the child for this woman became less and less. The last conflict just pissed me off. The daughter begins to do something with her own hands in the classroom. And if she fails, she cries. The teacher is a stern and irritable woman. We can say that she orders the child to shut up, and when her daughter does not calm down (and she will not calm down a priori from screaming. I have a calm voice, she is not used to a constantly stern tone), she closes her alone in the bedroom. Now the girl, in principle, is afraid to start making crafts (sculpt, glue), because in advance she is afraid of failure and punishment. I had to figure it out with the participation of the head and a sadov psychologist, because the girl was afraid to go to the group until she was hysterical, ran away and threw herself into my arms. The psychologist took the child to her once, after the conversation, she said that everything was fine with her motor skills and, in general, the girl was good, and asked to give the teacher a chance to improve. On this they decided. The teacher went on vacation, for two weeks now another has been replacing her. While there is no old teacher, the daughter goes to the garden with joy, she is not afraid of anything. But soon the vacation ends ... And the child's emotions towards the teacher did not subside (fear, anxiety and aggression towards her). The daughter says that she will cry, does not love her and does not want to go to her group. And now the question is: how to improve the child-educator relationship? What should I say to my daughter so that she stops being afraid of her? I understand that I myself have added negativity by the fact that I have a negative attitude towards the teacher. But now I do not show it, because I understand that my opinion affects her attitude. I am afraid of new tantrums and fear in the eyes of my child. She asked to transfer the child to another group - they refused.
Evgenia, please give advice on what to do?
Thank.
Angelic character
A child with an angelic character is also often called a "gold". Such a child is very sociable from childhood, he easily merges into new team, a group of children and easily adapts to new conditions. As a rule, such children develop speech very early than other peers, they are better than others at explaining to adults what they need. If a child with an angelic character wants something that he does not already have, then it is easy to switch him to something else (before the child gets upset and cries). These children are also easier to calm down. While playing, they like to pay more attention to individual tasks. With such children, you can easily travel, they are obedient and easy-going, not capricious.
A vulnerable, touchy child
A vulnerable child is a very sensitive child who is very slow to adapt to a new environment. Such a child likes everything to be extremely predictable and, moreover, as familiar as possible. Vulnerable children do not like to be interrupted (in the course of communication, play). As soon as someone tries to interrupt them, the children are instantly upset and cry. Such children are also very shy, for this reason it is more difficult for them to join the team. Vulnerable children also find it difficult to share toys with other children. If you give the child something to do on his own, then he will happily immerse himself in work, reason, ponder something.
Irritable, stubborn child
Such children are also called "children with character". Such children, as a rule, are very stubborn, if something does not go as they would like, then the children begin to show their stubbornness, get angry, scream. Stubborn children hate when you rush them, and they are still, for example, not ready to get up, go to kindergarten, eat (they also want to live in their own rhythm). Children with character prefer independence, they do not need a company (or they want to be a leader in it, but not the average). Stubborn children sometimes find it more difficult than others to express their feelings and desires in words, however, on the other hand, such children are very creative in individual creative tasks. Sometimes these kids don't have the patience to get things done, which knocks them off and is very annoying.
Very active child
Children with such a temperament are very active, energetic, they are also characterized by sharp mood swings (either they happily rushed around the room, then suddenly they are already upset with something and almost cry). Such children are very sociable and curious (from the very childhood they are drawn to toys, objects in the apartment), they are happy to learn new things. Parents are encouraged to direct, control and limit active children (children are too energetic and do not know where to direct their energy better). If children are guided, then in the future they may turn out to be good leaders, leaders.
Calm and balanced child
These include the majority of children, they develop on time (i.e. there are no deviations in development, the child's development is normal), quite sociable in a team, but a little shy when communicating with strangers. In order for children to feel normal in a new environment, they must be gradually prepared for changes, then adaptation will take place without any particular complications. These kids enjoy the routine because they like to know for sure what's coming after what.
