This is always unpleasant, especially when it is done quietly and without explanation. Many in an excuse say "but I am not obliged to explain, my right!" Formally, they are right, but the fact of the matter is that only formally, since besides law, there is also morality and conscience. If a person has a minimum of upbringing and a certain amount of conscience, then he will explain the reason, or although he will warn in advance, if he is so impatient to remove you. Of course, any analogy is not very accurate, but for example, the law does not prescribe a place for old women in public transport and there is no corresponding article in the Criminal Code, but a well-mannered and conscientious person will certainly give way, although he is not obliged to do this legally. In social networks, of course, the bar of morality is greatly reduced, but this does not mean that you need to turn into a vile, cynical and insensitive beast, concerned only with your own self! After all, how easy it is to deal with any problem: if you put it on the black list - that's the end of it! If a person gets used to behaving cynically and unceremoniously with friends in VKontakte, then he will behave in the same way in real life. Below I talked about why other people groundlessly refuse friendship on social networks: a lack of upbringing is also one of the reasons. Another argument "I remove from friends if a person does not write to me for a long time." Selfishness in its purest form! Why should someone entertain you with long conversations! And if a person has problems in real life, the computer is broken or the Internet is turned off? Did you write him at least a few words in a month?
Personally, over the 3 years of my stay on social networks, I deleted one or two friends, and then they were spammers with fake profiles, which I added without understanding. Perhaps I deleted some of them by mistake. being new to social media, I was intimidated by scary stories about profile hackers. Now I take this quite calmly and add it to my friends without trembling knees and pressure surges. So then I wanted to find the person whom I deleted to apologize, but I could not find because his profile disappeared.
I still regret that I offended the person, perhaps in vain, although perhaps he really was a spammer. Now it is already impossible to find out.
For all the years of my stay in social networks (and this is Facebook, VKontakte, classmates and mail.ru) I was removed from my friends 10 or 12 times, despite the fact that I have only about 400 friends in all these resources. How did I manage to make sure that I was deleted (sent to the black list) by those who either are not friendly with their heads, or shameless and ill-mannered, or simply dependent on someone else's opinion and not very smart people.
Of course, there were deletions by mistake and by misunderstanding ("I misunderstood", "I pressed the wrong button," they hacked "), but there are not very many such cases. I certainly take such things to heart (although I should not, but in my You can't fix your character anymore), but I quickly leave, although an unpleasant aftertaste remains. On the other hand, such cases clearly show: who is a real friend and who is not. Six months ago I talked on one serial forum and I have 10 people from there as friends in Contact. There was an unpleasant conflict situation, and two of them, believing the gossip, removed me from their friends without explanation, and when I tried to find out the reason, I was immediately sent to the black list by one of them. This is just an example of people who do not have their own opinion and the fact that they struck me out of their friends - it is rather good for me, because I myself am disgusted to be friends with those who will sell for 3 kopecks. Later I found out that they were turned against me by a common acquaintance, the moderator of that forum, with whom I had a discussion, and in revenge she decided to quarrel with me. Well, what happened so that they made themselves look unsightly and God they are the judge. It is possible, of course, that the matter is in their youth and immaturity, and hence the lack of worldly wisdom. I hope that they will grow up and wiser still.
In conclusion, I will say that such cases, albeit on social networks) say a lot about the personal qualities of users. If someone turns their profile into a kind of mini-sect, where only initiates can get, then with a high probability we can say that this is either an evil person, fixated on his person, or suspicious with low self-esteem. In general, there is a complex character here. The same can be said about those who remove from friends or send them to the blacklist without explanation and without any particular reason.
Of course, people with mental disorders also behave this way, but among those with whom I had to deal personally, people were more likely to be either angry, too self-centered with great self-importance, or who did not have their own position at all and acted on someone else's orders. are guided by emotions rather than reason.
In general, they apparently realized themselves that they were unworthy of my friendship. A joke, of course, but every joke, as you know, has some truth.
For me personally, the removal of one of my friends is the most extreme measure, and then I will do it only when I find out absolutely exactly that the person is really to blame. Only not very smart people solve problems in relationships with such surgical methods, not wanting to first explain themselves in a human way. For them, their own "ego" is above everything else. As for the blacklist, I sent there only after dirty insults or threats against me or my loved ones. In my memory, there was only one such case when I got involved in an argument in one of the VKontakte groups and one of the participants in the discussion (due to the lack of normal argumentation, and just brains) in revenge left obscene comments to my profile photos. The girl was distinguished by a special "courage", because sent me to the black list in advance, apparently frightened by my response. That's when I sent it there (in the sense of the same black list). But then a girl, and a couple of years ago there was a similar case when the administrator of the forum with whom I had a conflict sent a personal message (in the same place in VKontakte) with threats to my address, also having previously sent me to the black list. Well, oh-oh-very manly I must say! I then also sent this type to ch.s. so as not to read his nonsense anymore, but after a couple of days I removed it from there because I thought it was better not to pay attention to such people, and by sending such people to ignore, we inspire them with the idea that we are afraid of them and that they are stronger than us. Returning to the first case - there were dirty insults against my mother and my family in general from a mentally unhealthy person, so Part S. was necessary, and as for the forum administrator who sent the threats, it was not a very smart and childish act, so I did not take it seriously when I realized that I was not quite an adult with fragile brains. I will add that at the moment my blacklist is pristine and even that crazy swearing girl is not there. Now it is only for spammers and fakes, and then, for a short time. Only cowardly, vindictive and stupid people keep someone on the blacklist for years. After all, this is an unnecessary reminder of some past unpleasant situation or quarrel. Why is this needed?
This is with regard to outright insults or threats. If there is nothing like this, and you are removed from your friends (and without warning) because of the usual disagreement in opinions or because you rarely write or, finally, because of gossip about you by third parties, this is either selfishness coupled with heightened self-esteem, or a banal lack of intelligence and education. Apparently in this way, other users are trying to raise their self-esteem, knowing that someone from the remote will worry, ask why, but these comrades will be silent and ignore in response, indulging their pride, so that since they write to them and take offense at being removed from friends, it means their persona is still interesting to someone. What else can be said about such people - a kindergarten, and nothing more.
By the way, the notorious "cleaning of a friend's tape" is another way to attract attention, which is usually used by notorious people with low self-esteem, since among the "cleaned" friends there will certainly be those who will be offended and will start sending emotional letters with bewildered questions. This is what the "cleaner" needs. he is flattered that he is still interesting to someone besides himself or herself.

Good day!
Cleaning a friend list is a tedious but necessary task. You need to be able to get rid of useless things, broken toys, sad memories and unnecessary people. So, what are the criteria for making a choice in favor of removing this or that friend?

1. He is not your friend

The reason is obvious, but many people overlook it. You met a person online, or you knew each other a long time ago, or you met once in your life, but decided to add each other. You talked at the very beginning of your contact friendship, and now this comrade hangs like a dead weight and does not show any activity. You may think that this acquaintance will be useful to you sometime in the future, but this is about the same as keeping old skis on the balcony: there is no benefit, and your eyes are callous.

2. You can't stand this person in life

Perhaps this is your classmate, whom you always hated, but were forced to share the same desk with him for several years, or your best friend's brother who pushed you into a puddle as a child. And now everyone seems to have grown up, past grievances have been forgotten, but the residue remains. Nevertheless, you added each other as friends, because you have many common acquaintances and have some kind of common past. But if a person is disgusting to you in real life, do you need to make concessions on social networks? Maybe it's still easier to click "delete"?

3. You don't remember who it is

This often happens: they added a person and forgot about him, and then the revision reveals an unidentified person in the list of friends. You can, of course, ask the person how he knows you, but perhaps your memory decided not to save this file, because there was nothing interesting and useful in it.

4. This is your ex / ex and you broke up

It is worth making a reservation that you parted not as friends, but with screams, scandal and a broken heart. Although, even if the gap was by mutual agreement, it is worth removing the person so as not to wag the nerves of himself and him with photos with new passions and changes in the joint venture. Most of us are owners, after all, and this kind of information can be painful.

5. Zadolbal!

A person writes to you a lot and often, comments on everything that you can reach, urgently requires attention and answers - yes, most likely you are interesting and cute to him, but such importunity is very tiring. If the transparent hints of the need to leave you alone do not work, it is better to simply shorten your list of friends by one annoying character.

6. You owe him money

It is, of course, despicable, but some do it. For example, scammers who collect money from all compassionate users on their friends list, and then send them to the blacklist.

7. He refreshes the page too often

It is very difficult to make friends with active users: the status is updated every five minutes, hundreds of photos are constantly added, new friends appear, comments and new topics pop up every now and then. As a result, your news is occupied by this Stakhanovite of Contact. But I also want to learn something new about others! It's easier to add such a friend to your bookmarks, so as not to lose sight of, and remove from friends, having previously explained the reason.

8. You learned something about him that you cannot put up with

He slept with your girlfriend. Or he is a Spartak fan, while you recognize only the blue-white-blue color scheme. Or he tells fascinating stories behind your back with you in the lead role, after which your friends saw you in a completely different and not at all rosy light. What kind of friendship after that? This cannot be tolerated, so Adios, amigo!

9. He's your boss and he fired you

It happens. It seems that the relationship was also normal, and he commented on your photos from Turkey, and suddenly once - and goodbye. There is no sense in raising his rating and giving gifts anymore, so you can safely remove the former boss from your page and from your life.

10. A friend deleted you himself

Here is a brute! You were sitting in the same sandbox, hitting each other on the head with shovels, and he took and crossed out these happy memories. So what if you have nothing in common. Doesn't common childhood count? For this you need to take revenge: add again as a friend and delete it. Let the last word be yours!

Thousands of friends are, of course, cool. But isn't it better if there are fewer of them, but they really will be your friends, or at least those with whom you enjoy communicating, whose opinion you care? Excess trash, including on the list of friends, is not feng shui. Yes, and it gets in the way.

Until now, the personal life of each of us was directly our personal life, hidden from prying eyes. But, with the advent of the Internet, namely with the advent of social networks, everything has changed dramatically. In social networks, you create pages, edit your personal data in them, upload photos, communicate with your friends, play various applications, and so on.

All your friends can keep track of your personal life. It is very pleasant when, with the emergence of a new relationship, you are congratulated on this, but you really do not like it when, when you part with a guy, you are discussed everything. We all know how to love, we know how to appreciate each other, to compliment each other, but, unfortunately, many do not know how to part peacefully. And it's very good when the breakup is limited only by the fact that your boyfriend has deleted you from his VKontakte friends, but when everything goes very far, it becomes pretty scary.

The guy removed me from his friends! - you will complain, and what to do? In fact, there are no instructions on what to do in this situation. It all depends only on you. First, don't panic. Determine the reason why your boyfriend did it. Perhaps you had a fight with him, or he was very offended by you, or maybe he was angry with you and did it for evil? Just be patient and ask him the reasons for this. Call him or find out about it from his friends, in general, do everything in your power.

So, if you see that your boyfriend does not make contact with you, does not want to talk to you in any way, try to figure out his actions yourself. Remember, maybe he has a real reason to take offense at you. Perhaps you offended him, or in any way gave reasons for jealousy? In order to understand whether it was or not, remember every minute all your conversations. Remember everything that you told him, what he answered you at the same time, and what expression he had on his face. Since maybe your boyfriend just kept silent about his grievance, and his facial expressions spoke of something completely different. You just need to ask your loved one for forgiveness. Find an approach to his soul, to his mercy, and just ask him for forgiveness. If your boyfriend is very dear to you, then it will not be difficult for you to apologize.

When you say that a guy removed me from his friends, it is always very offensive for you. But you don't always need to despair. Simply, sometimes, everything cannot depend only on you. Perhaps your boyfriend has stopped loving you and does not want to communicate with you anymore, therefore he removed you from his friends. You just need to analyze the situation, because everyone has their own character and thoughts. It's bad if the guy didn't just remove you from his friends, but added you to the black list. Then the reason is not so easy to find out ...

When you were abandoned, you were desperate and absolutely do not know what to do next, you just do not need to give up. Understand that the fact that you will cry all day or be angry with the whole world will not make your life better. You just need to breathe deeply, gain strength and build your life further. The fact that your boyfriend removed you from his friends does not put an end to your life. Live by the principle: what is not done is for the better. Ignore small failures, look ahead with your head held high.

Somehow a guy removed me from his friends. But it turned out that he did it completely by accident. This can also be. Also, the computer could be approached by, say, his younger brother and do it for fun. Do not rashly chop! Find out the reason, and then draw the appropriate conclusions.

I have an incomprehensible situation. I have been married for 5 years. Have a child. I work in the city, my husband works on a rotational basis for 45 days. On our last visit we fought very often. But before his departure, we made up and sorted everything out. Everything was fine, we talked very well, called up, talked on Skype. But one day he just stopped calling, turned off the phone, excluded me from the list of friends on social networks. I just wrote once that I talk a lot. Although I didn't say anything to anyone. I don't understand, I don't know what to do. I tried to talk via SMS. He wrote: "Move out of the apartment, before my arrival." I talked with his friends - he has no other woman there. My best friend said that he himself does not know anything, he just hovers my brain. For what and what should I do? Call and try to figure it out or prepare for a divorce? A week has passed, I can not calm down in any way. Maybe someone will tell you what to do?

Irina, Ufa, 33 years old / 08/06/14

Opinions of our experts

• Alyona

  Irina, are you officially married or, as it has become common now, you just live together, and you consider him your husband, and he you - your partner? If you were smart enough to get married, then why on earth should you move out of the apartment, and even with a child in your arms? Your husband has decided too easily to get rid of both of you. I advise you to go to a lawyer and how you should discuss the situation with him, find out what you and the child can claim in the event of a divorce. Do not play the victim, it will not benefit you or the child. And, really, get ready for a divorce. What do you need to find out with someone who, at their 30s, behaves like an irresponsible child? How can a grown man remove the mother of his child from contacts and never ask at least how this child lives? Whatever the relationship with a woman, but only a nonentity can give a damn about his child and put him on the street in absentia. To be honest, I wouldn't forgive such a thing in principle. It is not just "offended and said too much." And he is not a young boy with a hormonal explosion. He is a grown man who has a family, but who loves only himself. He doesn't care about you or the baby. What is there to find out and on the basis of what to reconcile? But I do not know the degree of your dependence on your husband: do you work, what real rights you have to housing, and so on. If everything is really bad and you are sitting at home - it's time to get a job and start taking the first steps towards independence.

• Sergei

  Irina, the rotational work method is always fraught with big problems for the family. I had a chance to work for almost five years in the regime for two days at home, for five it is not clear where, and therefore I know what I am talking about. In such conditions, you and your husband live, in fact, in different worlds... He has his own "get-together" there, his own problems, connections, contacts and regime. He is practically free from family ties, and you have completely different worries and difficulties, to which your husband no longer has, in fact, nothing to do. And even if the communication is normal on the phone, you still have to "rub in" every time your spouse comes home, share responsibility and power, change the usual rhythm and priorities. Alas, not many can handle such difficulties. My wife and I, for example, divorced as a result. And, indeed, it is absolutely not necessary in this case the presence of some other woman. Of course, it also happens that men practically start second families where they live longer. But not all and not always. However, this does not change the essence. You stopped understanding each other, and the value of mutual communication, even with a child, faded away. And if, moreover, there have never been particularly bright feelings between you, then the gap is inevitable. In light of this, I believe that you still better prepare for a divorce. No, you shouldn't urgently leave the apartment. After all, when the husband returns, he will plunge into your world, communicate with the child and inevitably begin to perceive reality differently. I will even assume that you will make peace and there will be a feeling that everything is fine. But this is only until the next shift. And if he doesn't change jobs, then everything is likely to happen again. And if so, then it is better to prepare for the procedure for divorce and division of property. Do you know whoever is forewarned is armed.

It turns out that scientists have been studying our behavior on social networks for a long time! Two studies from the University of Colorado were able to identify the types of people who are most often removed from friends in contact and Facebook, as well as what emotions they feel at this moment.

Two works published this year have shown that most of the time we remove from friends those we met in school. “The most common reason for being removed from friends is because a person posted in a comment their opinion about politics or religion, which does not coincide with the views of the owner of the page,” says Christopher Sibona, a doctoral student in computer science in Denver. "Another important reason for abandoning virtual friendships was the frequent and uninteresting news feed posts."

Sibona first identified strategies for social media friendliness and, in a second step, studied the participants' emotional responses. In both studies, 1,077 people took part. The data obtained allowed us to compile a list that reflects the frequency of removal of certain types of people from the friends list. So, the most frequently removed:

• school friends,
• friends of friends,
• colleagues,
• friends with common interests.

“We found that people were more likely to remove their colleagues from friends for their actions in the real world than for their behavior on social networks,” says Sibona. He believes that school friends so often find themselves on the deleted list because their political and religious beliefs were not particularly strong in their youth. However, over time, they have become more pronounced, which can easily offend people with opposite views. “Your high school friends may not know your current beliefs,” says Sibona. "And on social media, this disagreement quickly turns into an argument."

The second part of the study was devoted to the study of the emotional reaction to being removed from friends on social networks. Scientists managed to detect a whole range of different reactions, the most common of which were:

• it surprised me
• it bothered me
• i was stunned
• i was upset about this.

“The reaction was most influenced by how close the relationship was between people before being removed from friends,” explains Sibona, who has been studying the psychological effects of social media activity since 2010. “You will, of course, be very worried and upset if you are removed from your friends list. best friend". If difficulties in communication between two friends were noticeable earlier, then the emotional reaction to actions on the social network was much less strong. The study also showed that more often friends are removed from those who were once close than just friends or distant acquaintances.

“In the world of social networking, the prevalence of weak and insignificant friendships is evident,” says Christopher Sibona. “If you have a lot of friends online, it’s pretty easy to maintain that relationship,” he adds. "But if you made the final decision to push the button and get rid of someone, remember - it can hurt him."

In our age of the global Internet and the multitude of social networks in which communication takes place, such studies are very important, because they help to understand the patterns of our behavior on the Internet.

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