Many experts believe that modern children reach much earlier than previous generations: not at 13-14, but from 11 to 13 years old. What is "being a teenager" is clear to everyone, because any adult has gone through this period.
It is from 11 to 13 years old that parents can still influence the formation of the personality, character and habits of the child. I am a Parent tells how to prepare for “the most difficult age”.
Child development at 11-13 years old
Physical development of the child
The child's body begins to change rapidly. In girls this process is faster, in boys it is a little slower. A child can very sharply increase in height, body weight can both increase and decrease. Puberty begins. In some children, changes at the physiological level may begin earlier, in others later. Due to the fact that the body has changed dramatically, the child's coordination is impaired. Teenagers can be a little awkward because they are just getting used to their new look.
Intellectual development
A child at this age learns to argue, to prove his point of view, he develops abstract thinking more actively. However, teenagers often live in the present day. They don't think about the consequences of their actions. For example, they may try smoking, although they know how bad it affects their health. But the child does not think that these consequences will affect him.
Psychological development
Most often, the child is focused on communicating with his peers. Study fades into the background. In addition to socializing with friends, there may be cravings for the opposite sex. Friendship at this age is very expressive, it can be destroyed by any quarrel. In general, the child can become more emotional. Or, on the contrary, "withdraw into yourself."
From 11 to 13 years old, many different changes occur with the child. Of course, a growing person wants to be sure that everything is in order with him. Many things parents can tell themselves. Sometimes children ask questions on their own. But often moms and dads are afraid to go too far with unnecessary revelations. Therefore, the easiest way to give a child, in which it will be written in simple language about the physiology of adolescents.
2. Watch your diet
As they grow up early, girls feel the need to be attractive to boys, and vice versa. But on the way to beauty there are obstacles - excess weight, acne. It is very important for a teenager to choose the right food. Make sure you have a lot of fruits and vegetables in the refrigerator. But baked goods, fried and spicy, are best avoided. In pursuit of ideal weight, a teenager may start starving - this is best avoided.
3. Monitor your mood
The rapidly changing emotional background under the pressure of hormones is an ideal environment for. Don't dismiss your child's problems, even if they seem trivial to you. At the same time, you should not take the teenager to a heart-to-heart conversation.
Leave the initiative to the child himself. In case of prolonged bad mood pay more attention to him, spend a day off together. If the child walks gloomy for a long time - perhaps this is a reason to turn to.
Children aged 11 to 13 tend to exaggerate their own problems. Any little thing can be a tragedy. Make it clear to the child that all his difficulties can be solved. Find some good books and films about teenagers with positive endings.
If the feelings are strong, you can write with your child about how a hero like a child finds a way out of a difficult situation.
What is the role of parents in the process of sexual self-identification and what films are worth watching for growing up boys, will tell the site expert, clinical psychologist Ekaterina Blukhterova.
5. Keep Promises
It is common for a teenager to doubt everything. He is aware of the world around him in a different way. In order to maintain the child's trust, adults need to keep their promises. Both punishments and rewards must be implemented within the timeframe specified by the parents. This applies not only to the "mom-dad-child" triangle, but also to the parents themselves, relationships within the family.
6. Take an interest in your child's life
Parents of a teenager should be interested not only in grades at school, but also in other matters that worry the child - relationships with friends, teachers, his first love. You should not impose a frank conversation on the child, and then, having learned something that does not characterize the teenager from the best side, scold him. Appreciate any confidential conversation with your child. If he talks about something, it really matters.
7. Let your child make a decision
A parent's greatest talent is the ability to start letting go of their child in time. Of course, children from 11 to 13 still require guardianship and supervision. However, there are decisions that a teenager must make on their own. After all, it is at this age that the personality of the child is formed. Let the student choose his own clothes, decorate the interior of his room, listen to his opinion.
8. Monitor your sleep patterns
Teens need eight to nine hours of sleep. Without observing a sleep regimen, it is impossible to study and perform physical activity in the amount that falls on this age. The teenager himself may not understand this. In order not to go into conflict, it is worth identifying within the family. One of them is the "lights out" time. It is important that parents follow this rule as well. The words "we are adults, and you must obey" will only widen the gap between parents and children.
9. Conduct prevention of bad habits
Unfortunately, tobacco smoking, drug addiction and substance abuse in Russia are constantly "getting younger". Children often try a cigarette or psychoactive substances for the first time at the age of 12-13.
You should not start suspecting a child from scratch. There is no need to swear and frighten with dire consequences. All conversations on "hot" topics should be balanced and take place in those moments when both the parents and the child are calm and emotionally relaxed.
10. Don't stop showing your love
Of course, a teenager should be aware that he is growing up, his responsibility increases. But this is not a reason for parents to distance themselves from their child. Parents can call the student gentle wordsas before, and discreetly show your care. A teenager needs love as much as little children. Often it is this love that serves as a reliable rear, which allows the child to resist problems, temptations and grow as a confident adult.
Elena Kononova
We can say that by the age of nine, the child finally said goodbye to the role of the baby, he grew up and matured. The development of a child at 9 years old and further refers to the adolescence period, when the personality is actively formed, and physiological changes in the body are rapidly occurring. The development of a child at 9 years old is characterized by the fact that he became not only more balanced, but also responsible, he is well versed in many issues and understands more. The development of an 11-year-old child is characterized by the fact that a teenager actively begins to explain and defend his own point of view, his opinion prevails over the opinion of others and seems to be the only correct one. Also developing, a 12-year-old child “conquers” his personal space and asserts himself. In order for a child's development at the age of 10 and throughout the entire adolescent period to be painless and correct, parents should understand the changes taking place in the body and mind of their child and be able to adapt to them in a timely manner.
Physiological development of a teenager
Despite early development the modern young generation, nevertheless, the period of puberty is usually attributed to 10-13 years. The physiological development of a child at 9 years old usually proceeds without any pronounced metamorphosis. But a child of 10-12 years old usually already enters the stage of adolescent changes that affect not only the body, but character and self-awareness. For some children, this period is painless, while others experience a lot of excitement and difficulties. Since it will not be possible to avoid this "restructuring of the organism" programmed by nature, it is important to be aware of its features. Indeed, many children cannot understand their condition and what is happening, and therefore at this stage, parents should provide assistance.
- Child development 10 years old. A child of ten is just entering adolescence. In girls, physiological changes in the body usually occur earlier and faster than in boys. In most cases, hormonal changes are accompanied by a sharp change in emotions, the emergence of a pronounced interest in the opposite sex, and the active formation of inter-sex relations. With the onset of puberty, the sex hormone enters the bloodstream.
- Child development 11 years old. By about 11 years old, girls begin to gain weight, while boys have not yet seen significant changes in weight. Often at this age, the first signs of personality changes appear, the child becomes hot-tempered, moves away from his parents.
- Child development 12 years old. There is the development of secondary sexual characteristics and the redistribution of body fat. In boys, the size of the testicles increases dramatically, the voice breaks, hair appears in intimate areas, and nocturnal emissions occur. Girls also develop hairline in intimate area, the chest grows, the figure is outlined. The main authority for a child at this age is peers, adolescents have a decrease in interest in learning, values \u200b\u200band hobbies can change. The child can join the youth subculture. This age period is a preparatory stage for social and sexual relations, therefore, parents should discuss topics of concern to a teenager and just have a casual conversation about family, interpersonal and sexual relations.
- Child development 13 years old. During this period, the so-called growth spurt occurs, when the teenager quickly stretches. The increase in body weight continues, boys can weigh from 38 to 50 kg, and girls 43-52 kg. Boys are building up muscle mass, and in girls a female figure continues to form.
What can parents do to correct development child 10 years old and throughout adolescence? First, on the part of parents, understanding and adherence to a friendly tone of communication is required. It is necessary to continue to talk with the child, and not to read lectures, but to conduct a dialogue, talking when the child is open to communication. It is important not only to discuss the differences between men and women and discuss the nuances of inter-sex relations, but also to show the child various aspects of social relations. Do not be shy about discussing with your child about sexual aspects, impulses and attraction, helping him to understand himself. If the child does not want to go out to frank conversations, you can offer him high-quality literature and films on this topic. It is important for parents to understand that during this period the child actively learns about himself and tries to build new relationships with others, it is necessary to help him find harmony between his own and the public.
Psychological development of a child 10 years old and 11-13 years old
By the age of ten, the child looks really mature, and by the age of 12-13, the formation of the child's personality is almost completely completed. During this period, it is important to maintain a connection between parents and children, since it is at this time that it is the weakest and most fragile, because the child is ready to listen to anyone, just not the parents.
The development of a 10-year-old child is characterized by an increase in communication skills and independence. The child easily makes acquaintances, feels comfortable in the company of peers, spends a lot of time with friends. All attempts to reduce the child's communication will be perceived with indignation, so prohibitions will not help here. Express your requests and wishes not in an ultimatum, but in the form of friendly advice or a statement of fact.
For the correct psychological development of an 11-year-old child, it is necessary to provide him with a greater degree of freedom. For example, you can send him to a good pioneer camp, where he can rest safely without parental control.
The psychological development of a 12-year-old child is characterized by distance from his parents, the teenager is trying to “fence off” from others. During this period, it is important to loosen control, but in no case remove it. Talking to your child should be done through negotiation and compromise.
The development of a 13-year-old child belongs to a period of greater psychological stability, a teenager has already formed basic values \u200b\u200band outlooks on life, he has his own convictions and is ready to reckon with the opinions of loved ones. Understanding the peculiarities of the development of a 13-year-old child, it is important for parents to treat him as an equal, taking into account his opinion and wishes, but still continue to follow the rules established in the family and raise the child.
For reading 9 min.
10 years for a girl (and for a boy) is not only a “round” date, but also the beginning of a crisis of puberty (adolescence). This time is associated with a huge number of emotional reactions (mostly negative, since most of them are provoked by a lack of understanding of their state).
Age features
Most of the changes between the ages of 10 and 11 occur at the hormonal level, and psychology also changes. A certain independence appears in behavior, and the exclusive dependence on mom and dad gradually disappears. Each parent should treat this with understanding and accept the fact that the child has a need for communication outside the home and interests on which he can spend his personal time (and the child must have them).
Girls at 10 start to feel like girls
Attempts to overly control the social circle and activities of a growing up girl can turn into:
- Rebellion, a clear demonstration of insubordination (accompanied by anger, aggression, the desire to act "in spite of" results in truly unreasonable and dangerous decisions for life and health).
- Indifference (ignoring all the requirements of the mother and father).
- Conditional humility, which disappears as soon as the child is out of sight of the parents (accompanied by lies and the development of mistrust towards others).
- True obedience (accompanied by a drop in self-esteem, lack of initiative, a tendency to self-destruction).
Completely submissive behavior is dangerous by raising a weak-willed personality In each individual case, one of these tactics of behavior is predominant, but in general they can alternate with each other. This is due to the variability of the emotional state, which is typical for girls aged 10-11 years. You should not worry about such instability, you just need to show, if possible, that you are ready to understand your child if he wants to explain with you or decides to discuss his condition.
Features of education
It happens that with a good intention to raise a “decent person”, parents bring up their child in conditions of numerous “must” and categorical “no”, not supported by any explanations. The presence of such groundless (from the point of view of children) prohibitions is very difficult for a maturing person to endure, since cognitive processes are still active, the desire to explore the world around him is also just parental disagreement is no longer a sufficient argument to stop.
Don't rely on prohibitions alone Remember: explain your decisions to your child.
It doesn't matter if it's a girl or a boy - if your children know why you expect certain actions from them, they are much more attentive to your requests. Talk to them about the consequences of possible misconduct. Not about punishment, but about how the offense will turn out personally for them.
How to conduct a dialogue correctly
You need to be able to talk with a child 10-11 years old. Never put pressure on your age, and do not say that you "know best." If you know, then explain, if you are worried, then tell me. Show your child that you are not just a parent, authoritative, powerful person, but also loving person, who worries and tries to save from trouble.
If you think this is understandable, then chances are good that you are wrong. State your reasons, your attitude. But be prepared that, even after listening to you, the child will act in his own way. It is inevitable, he gets his experience. It is quite possible that you will flare up about this - this is natural, but it is imperative to explain that the reason for your anger is not that the child is not good and disobedient in itself, but in your worries about his life and health.
You need to learn to talk to your child Also, in the process of communication, one should not compare children with their brothers and sisters, or with other people's children. This causes them to devalue themselves and doubt their abilities. Moreover, you do not need to shout at them.
Understand: it is in the ability to control yourself that adulthood manifests itself.
This does not mean that an adult is a robot. Of course, we all experience emotions, but it is as we grow up that the skill of self-control is acquired. You cannot demand this from a child, but you can set an example for him.
Praise
It is impossible to compare children with someone not only negatively, but also positively.
Parenting mistakes That is, to say “You are beautiful (smart, kind, and so on)” will be true, and the option “You are beautiful (smart, kind), like ...” is wrong. First, in such a comparison, children may have a feeling that they are not unique, not valuable in and of themselves. Secondly, there is a risk that there will be a desire to imitate in everything that other personality, to which they turned out to be similar, which again leads to the loss of individuality.
Single-parent families
In single-parent families there is a special situation and if a girl lives with her dad, it is advisable to make sure that she has an older “friend” (grandmother, aunt, nanny), who will help in solving certain issues from her female position. If you are in such a mentoring role, take it seriously, do not divulge secrets entrusted to you, and do not ridicule your ward's as yet immature decisions.
Single-parent family requires a special attitude towards the child It is quite possible that a 10-year-old girl will not dare to discuss any of her concerns, so one should carefully “probe” the situation, inadvertently touching upon “difficult” topics and noting a reaction. The fear of discussion is associated with the fear of showing one's ignorance, stupidity or awkwardness. If you find out what exactly hurts the child, then you can tell something funny about yourself on this topic. Let him see that everyone has setbacks and absurdities, and that there are no forbidden topics for discussion.
Housework
First of all, you have to learn to consider a 10-11 year old teenager not only as a child, but also as a person who wants to make decisions on his own, without regard to what they say or think about him. It is possible that he will consider the performance of household duties not as an objectively necessary action, but as an act of submission to someone else's will.
Discuss with the future hostess that you are not able to keep up with everything around the house and it would be wise (if she is already old enough) to share the worries with her. Give her your "territory," for which she will be responsible, entrust her with a certain (but strictly limited) list of cases that are in her jurisdiction.
At 10, a girl must clean her room on her own Attention: if your child has a separate room, then there is no need to try to control the process, quality and frequency of putting in order in it.
Better instead:
- Keeping your room tidy (lead by example).
- Discuss the consequences of such negligence (the occurrence of allergic reactions and frequent illnesses due to excess dust and poor hygiene, the appearance of clothing unpleasant odor to which classmates may react badly).
- To be able to show a moderately positive reaction to the fact that the daughter still took up cleaning (violent delight, like ignoring, can cause a teenager's negative attitude to the experience of housekeeping).
If your daughter for 10 years has been doing something outside the regulated list, then be sure to note how much she helped you, because this is not her responsibility, and she spent her free personal time taking care of the family and household chores.
Joint rest
According to most parents, modern child by the age of 10, he is not interested in anything except phones, games and walks. But it is not the children who are to blame for this, who are often left to themselves for a long time. They do not have not only a habit, but even a single experience of other pastime options. Give him such an experience, do something together, agree that for one day (or at least a few hours) you put away your phone, TV, computer and do something else.
Walking and relaxing together is very close It doesn't have to be "useful" leisure, you can fool around, but in a special way. Practice collaborative creative activities.
But! Always be prepared for your child to disagree with your proposal. He needs to be able to dream up himself, try to negotiate. You can alternate the days when your child plans the classes, and when you yourself. Do not try to adjust her plans to fit your needs, children feel it and may be seriously offended or lose motivation. But it is possible and even necessary to make reasonable comments about practical points in a calm, non-critical form.
Respect
Parents looking to gain respect from their offspring should understand that there is also the power of example at work. You do not need to indulge all the whims of the child, but it is imperative to treat him with respect.
In general, girls tend to have more tactful behavior and a greater sense of responsibility. They are easier than boys to understand someone else's point of view, and therefore a respectful (as well as compassionate) attitude towards others is characteristic of them to a greater extent.
Psychology
At 10-11 years old, girls may be interested in psychology. Support this hobby, try to figure out your inner world together. Read the relevant literature, encourage the child to think about his inner state. Self-knowledge, self-development is exactly what will allow the child to develop self-confidence, socialize safely.
Psychological help from parents will help the child understand himself As one daughter told her mother when asked how to behave with children at 10: “Be sincere and natural. And don't load it with unnecessary information. "
Conclusion
There are no universal laws on how a boy or daughter should be brought up at 10-11 years old (and at any other age). Just be considerate of your children. These are actually individuals who, a priori, do not owe you anything. But if you want, you can become a reliable friend and an excellent teacher for them. Then they will listen to you, and help of their own free will, and not from under the stick, and this, you see, is much more pleasant.
At the age of 11-12 years for a child, the importance of the collective, his public opinion, relations with peers, and their assessment of his actions and actions increases sharply. He seeks to gain authority in their eyes, to take a worthy place in the team. The striving for independence and independence is noticeably manifested, interest in one's own personality arises, self-esteem is formed, abstract forms of thinking develop. Often he does not see a direct connection between the personality traits that are attractive to him and his daily behavior.
At this age, children are inclined to creative and sports games, where you can test volitional qualities: endurance, perseverance, endurance. They are drawn to romance.
The desire to find oneself as a person generates the need for alienation from all those who habitually, from year to year, influenced him, and this primarily applies to parental family... Alienation in relation to the family is externally expressed in negativism - in the desire to resist any suggestions, judgments, feelings of those at whom the alienation is directed. Negativism is the primary form of the alienation mechanism, and it is also the beginning of the adolescent's active search for his own unique essence, his own “I”.
The desire to realize and develop his uniqueness, the awakening sense of personality requires the adolescent to separate from the family "We", which hitherto maintains in him a sense of security by traditions and emotional focus on him. However, he still cannot really be alone with his “I”. He is not yet capable of deeply and objectively evaluating himself; he is not able to stand alone before the human world as the unique personality he aspires to become. His lost "I" aspires to "We". But this time it is "We" ("We are a group") are peers.
He begins to value his peer relationships. Communication with those who have the same life experience as his, gives the child the opportunity to look at himself in a new way. The desire to identify with one's own kind gives rise to the need for a friend so valued in the common human culture. Friendship itself and service to it become one of the most significant values \u200b\u200bin adolescence. Adolescence, with all the complexity of psychological interactions with other people (adults and peers), has a deep appeal for its focus on creativity. It is in adolescence that a teenager is aimed at finding new, productive forms of communication - with peers, with his idols, with those whom he loves and respects. The striving for creation is also manifested in the sphere of mastered ideas and knowledge.
The youths strive to rethink what they have made the subject of their intellectual comprehension and, having felt, to give out and confirm it as a product of their own thinking.
However, reflections on oneself and others reveal in adolescence the depths of their imperfection - and the adolescent goes into a state of psychological crisis. Subjectively, these are difficult experiences. But the crisis of adolescence enriches the adolescent with knowledge and feelings of such depths that he did not even suspect in childhood. He goes through a difficult school of identification with himself and with others, for the first time mastering the experience of purposeful isolation. All this helps him to defend his right to be a person.
