Exists gender stereotype that men are cynical and do not feel strongly about the breakup of relationships. Is it so? The myth of cynicism comes from society, stronger sex It is often inappropriate to show your emotionality and pain. In fact, the male sex can be weak, romantic, and vulnerable. So how do men cope with a breakup?
Features of male psychology
- After divorce, women are more susceptible to depression, and men are more likely to abuse alcohol.
- Men find it more difficult to cope with stress after breaking up with a loved one. They experience stress longer and more severely after separation, because they do not express the experience verbally, but drive it inside.
- After a painful breakup, the stronger sex is less likely to go to friends or relatives for consolation than girls. This makes it difficult for them.
Other authors argue that it is difficult for men to break up due to the peculiarities of communication in their environment. The male sex rarely shares their problems; in a friendly male company there is more light competition than mutual assistance.
Parting with the woman you love, all the difficulties of divorce and the emotional aspects of a relationship are an example of weakness, and men do not want to “lose face.”
How does a man feel when he leaves a woman?
Life situations are different, sometimes there is frustration, fatigue from conflicts during separation, joy from the end of a “boring relationship,” guilt, shame or relief.
will think through different options so that his wife does not find out about his betrayal. But psychologists assure that emotions during betrayal depend on the individual. Some will be tormented by a strong feeling of guilt, and for others, betrayal is a reason to diversify their life.
For the most part, men rarely forgive a woman for cheating. The main emotions are resentment, aggression, hatred. Deceived husbands suffer, and there is also imposed competition.
Stages of separation in men
The male sex often experiences a painful breakup in silence. But researchers from the University of Königsberg established seven stages and found out how men experience a breakup. Stages:
- "I don't believe". The stronger sex denies what is happening. He cannot believe that the woman he loved left him, there was a breakup.
- Manifestation of negative feelings. At this stage, a man experiences the whole range of negative emotions - from aggression to resentment towards women.
- Depression. At this stage, the awareness of separation comes. How is it at this time? Self-esteem decreases, melancholy is present, happy moments of life together are remembered.
- Awareness of the problem. After reflection, a feeling of guilt comes, for example, if you had to break up on your own initiative.
- Attempts to solve the problem. Some men drown out the pain with alcohol, others immerse themselves in work activities. Many people try to start new relationships, but at this stage the romances are short-lived. Meeting girls can be a way to improve your self-esteem.
- After a painful period, the meaning of life appears, new desires appear, and self-esteem returns.
- . The separated couple has already found or is looking for new partners. The man accepts the situation, he is ready to enter into a new relationship.
Psychological type and behavior during separation
Psychologists assure that people behave when breaking up relationships according to their psychotype. They divide the stronger sex into four types. What is the difference?
Predator
This type always fights for leadership, including in relationships. He is charismatic, confident, and has high self-esteem. During a divorce, the husband will put pressure on the woman; in such a marriage, the woman is rarely the initiator of the separation. He rarely cares about his wife's feelings, he is authoritarian and cruel. If such a type suffers, it will only be about missed opportunities.
Vulnerable
A gentle, kind, sensitive person. He rarely initiates a breakup, never puts pressure on a woman, and makes sacrifices for the sake of his family. When a breakup occurs, he becomes depressed and worries for a long time. He really needs help from friends and relatives during the divorce.
Mature
This type is capable of building mature relationships based on trust and understanding. When parting, she experiences a range of feelings and goes into a frenzy of activity. After a divorce, he can maintain friendly relations with his wife.
Infantile
This type needs constant care. He perceives any breakup as a situation of betrayal towards himself. He cannot live alone, he often blackmails a woman and throws hysterics.
So how does a man cope with a breakup? The stronger sex may be silent, but that doesn't mean they don't care. Usually their experiences are hidden, they are not used to sharing their pain, but they also need support.
Hello, dear readers! Absolutely any woman can develop an aversion to men. It seems that there are no prerequisites for this, just “something went wrong.” As a rule, girls may even realize the need for love, strive, some want children, but at the same time they unconsciously push away men, partners, or simply cannot look at the opposite sex. They don't suit everyone.
Today I will tell you about disgust for men - the reasons for the feeling, methods of dealing with it, and much more from the world of psychology that may be useful.
Childhood
Nothing ever happens by chance in the human psyche. Each has its own reasons. However, not every girl can independently understand why changes are happening to her.
The most hidden from understanding are the origins of the problem that lie hidden in a person’s childhood. It seems that these are things of a long time ago, you don’t think about them and in no way blame your parents for “wrong upbringing.”
However, a bad relationship with the father or just one ugly act related to the relationship between parents can negatively affect the future fate of the child. The saddest thing is that you may not even remember the incident. The psyche reliably blocks those memories that bring special suffering. Such events move to . All that remains are conclusions: “Men are dangerous,” “Don’t get involved,” “They’re nothing but trouble.”
The best way to cope with this phenomenon is a psychologist. He brings your past to the surface and tries to change your attitude towards it in the present.
The influence of parents can be not only temporary; sometimes they exert constant pressure on. The mother begins to shift her negative experience onto the teenager, sharing with him information that is inappropriate for this age, for example, about or talking about some negative points marriage.
It seems to a woman that she is just sharing information, not realizing that at this age we are not inclined to “simply perceive,” be critical and analyze what is happening based on our own experience. We perceive any story or judgment as an element of learning and transfer it to our lives, especially if we hear it from what we think is a reliable source.
As a result, a mother or even an overly caring father can instill in a girl a firm judgment that nothing good should be expected from men. This is where disgust arises.
Hormonal changes
In some cases, a negative attitude towards the male sex may be associated with the transition to Women are more fortunate, as their body shows this.
Leads to a reassessment of values, a change of priorities, and even... This is a big shock for the psyche. If a woman is not morally ready for transformation, then this results in psychological problems. She begins to draw incorrect conclusions and may become disgusted with men.
Negative experience
Women also often encounter problems with their loved one. This is a protective property of the psyche. Each person builds his or her understanding of the world based on their experiences, which are not always positive.
Finding yourself in complete new country, you will compare the landscapes with those that you are used to seeing at home. It's the same with men. After a difficult breakup, you study the actions of any new partner through the prism of the experience gained: “He also behaved well at first,” “My ex gave me flowers after the betrayal.”
It is difficult to say when this period of comparison passes. Everything is individual. Some girls try, others remain in this state for many years. Naturally, the older a woman is, the more difficult it is for her psyche to restructure.
Special cases
There are “special” cases when a girl experiences disgust for no apparent reason, for example, if she stays for a long time. She begins to get used to this state, subconsciously finds positive sides of its existence. In order not to experience discomfort and suffering, her psyche adapts to the current state of affairs and suggests disgust for men.
The girl herself does not understand why this happens, but only observes the results.
As I already said, nothing happens for nothing in human behavior. The best way Getting rid of the judgment that brings you trouble will be communication with a psychologist. He will be able to find a specific problem and help change his worldview.
In the meantime, I can recommend, no matter how funny it may sound, to read books about,. " Morgan's Way" Colin McCullough, " Vicious circle" Wilbur Smith, " Survivor Hugh Glass"Elizabeth Buta are excellent examples of literature on this topic.
This may seem funny to you, but in some cases this method helps get rid of disgust. Don't forget to also subscribe to the newsletter. See you again and good luck.
In the life of almost every person, sooner or later a breakup occurs. Our life is structured in such a way that from time to time we have to part with something or someone. Sometimes it overtakes us suddenly, and sometimes naturally, when the relationship has already become obsolete.
But, as a rule, parting is always a painful process, especially if you have to separate from a loved one. It's like falling into a deep hole full of sadness, pain and disappointment. And sometimes at this moment you can’t even believe that someday you will find a way out of this “valley of tears.” But no matter how much it seems to us that the whole world is collapsing, we must not forget that all this is temporary.
It is difficult to get used to the idea of loss, and sometimes it seems completely impossible. Looking forward is scary, but looking back is painful.
In psychology, separation is called the loss of a relationship. In 1969, American psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross introduced a system that came to be known as the “5 Stages of Loss,” the experience after a breakup before we are ready for a new relationship.
5 stages of loss
1. Stage – denial
This is a state of shock when it hasn’t “reached us” yet. At this stage, what happened is simply “not believable.” The head seems to understand, but the feelings seem to be frozen. It seems like you should be sad and bad, but you don’t.
2. Stage of expressing feelings
After the initial awareness of what happened, we begin to get angry. This is a difficult phase in which pain, resentment, and anger are mixed. Anger can be obvious and open, or it can hide somewhere inside under the guise of irritation or physical ailment.
Anger can also be directed at a situation, another person, or oneself. In the latter case, we are talking about auto-aggression, which is also called guilt. Try not to blame yourself!
Also, very often an internal ban on aggression is activated - in this case, the work of loss is inhibited. If we do not allow ourselves to be angry, then we “get stuck” at this stage and cannot let go of the situation. If the anger has not been expressed and the loss has not been mourned, then you can get stuck in this stage and live like that for the rest of your life. You need to allow all the feelings to come out and it is due to this that relief and healing occurs.
3. Stage of dialogue and bargaining
This is where we are overwhelmed with a lot of thoughts about what and how we could have done differently. We come up with the most different ways to deceive yourself, to believe in the possibility of regaining a lost relationship, or to console yourself that all is not lost. It's like we're on a swing. At this stage of loss, we are somewhere between fear of the future and the inability to live in the past.
To get started new life, we need to end the old one.
4. Stage of depression
The stage comes when the psyche no longer denies what happened, and an understanding also comes that it is pointless to look for those to blame or sort things out. The fact of separation, the loss of something valuable that was in this relationship, has happened. Everything has already happened, nothing can be changed.
At this stage, we mourn the loss, miss what was so important and necessary. And we have no idea how to live further - we simply exist.
5. Acceptance stage
Slowly we begin to crawl out of the quagmire of pain and sadness. We look around, looking for new meanings and ways to live. Of course, thoughts about what was lost still visit us, but now we are already able to think about why and why all this happened to us. We draw conclusions, learn to live independently and enjoy something new. New people and new events appear in life.
How long does each stage of separation last?
From a few days to several months, and some even years. For each case, these numbers are individual, since this is influenced by various factors: the duration and intensity of the relationship, the reason for the separation. Often different emotional stages flow smoothly into each other or repeat.
In addition, everyone’s behavior and attitude towards this critical event is individual. While some experience this grief for months, others quickly find a new adventure to quickly forget about the separation. And it is very important to give yourself enough time to survive the breakup in order to accept, realize, transform the situation and learn a life lesson.
The common truth is known: “Any difficult situation, any crisis is not a “misfortune”, but a test. A challenge is an opportunity to grow, to take a step towards personal excellence and a better life.”
To improve your emotional condition, do not allow yourself to be “lazy” and close yourself within four walls. Let every day bring something new, let it be filled with actions, deeds, trips, meetings, new discoveries and little pleasures. Go wherever there is nature, sun, children's laughter, where people smile and laugh.
Don't ignore your health
Grief has many physiological manifestations, causing insomnia, apathy, loss of appetite, and mental disorders. gastrointestinal tract, cardiovascular system, provokes a decrease in the protective properties of the body.
See a Psychotherapist
In case of an incomplete separation, the help of a psychotherapist is required, since the trauma of loss loved one continues to destroy life, taking away his inner strength. If you feel pain, resentment, anger, worry, irritability, or anxiety when remembering the breakup, then the breakup is still not over.
Psychotherapy is aimed at helping a person go through all stages of experiencing loss. The psychologist helps the client to recognize and express previously suppressed feelings using body-oriented therapy methods (based on working with the body and emotions).
With love, your Angela Lozyan
After starting a relationship with him, I abandoned my friends, and now the connection can no longer be restored. And in general, his whole life revolved around him, fixated on him. She no longer had her own interests, her own opinions.
He asked me for forgiveness for taking 6 years from me, but it didn’t end in anything (it didn’t make it any easier).
Life is not a joy. I walk, eat, sleep like a robot.
Friends said: he is not created for family life and will never change, will change sooner or later. But I didn't listen. I was probably the most patient of all his girls.
This summer he said that he did not want to get married. I was so upset, I burst into tears. And after 5 minutes he laughed, hugged me and said he was joking.
I know that it’s not my thoughts that won’t let me go, but I who won’t let go of them. It’s hard when the world you’ve lived in for so long and got used to collapses in one moment. My mood changes 100 times a day: if I remember a bad thing, my mood lifts, I think that I deserve it better attitude than it was, but a minute later the happy moments are remembered - that’s all. At such moments, you idealize him, you think that he is the best and you will never meet him again. When I was indignant at his behavior, he said: I behave with you the way you allow. I got away with too much. It was very disappointing to hear: I want 3 children, but when will you have time to give birth? And I began to calculate how old I am now, what the intervals between births should be, and at what age it will be last pregnancy. He talked about it as if it were a thing, as if I was somehow inferior, defective.
I myself sometimes had thoughts of breaking up, but I pushed them away, I didn’t have the courage. Still, I got used to it after 6 years. I’m angry with myself: he didn’t hide his attitude, sometimes he spoke directly to my face, but I kept hoping.
Everyone says it's for the better. My friends are now even glad that this happened; before they were afraid to talk about it, just so as not to be to blame for the quarrel (they felt that something was wrong, they didn’t like our relationship from the outside).
I envy him: he continues to study, work, communicate with friends and girls, and takes everything from life. And I sit at home and suffer from memories.
Now it’s a little better than at first, I now know that our parting is for the better and there is no happiness in sight, but now the pain is aching, nagging. The head understands (most likely there would be no happiness with him), but the heart and soul do not accept. I blame myself for that conversation, if I had not started it, we would be together now.
I stooped to spying: I see who he comments on on social networks, which of his girlfriends are online.
Tips: forgive and let him go, wish him happiness, they irritate me. At least I can't think so now. I feel resentment, anger, hatred towards him.
My favorite holiday is approaching, but I’m not in the mood. He will have fun from the heart...
I don't want to live. I would fall asleep and not wake up. Hands dropped. I don't want to work or study. I can't live without him.
How could this happen, because even 1 day before the breakup he called at work and said that he loved him? It turns out that it was not love, but a habit, these words meant nothing to him? How to continue living and enjoying life? How can I get him out of my head?
Sorry for writing so much, it's accumulated. Thank you in advance!
Answer
Relationships sometimes end. This means he has nothing more to give you. This has nothing to do with the fact that you don't deserve it. This does not mean that you were betrayed, deceived, thrown out, this is only your interpretation, you want revenge. A feeling of resentment and injustice has bonded you with him now, and the pleasant moments that you remember “help” you maintain the role of a victim and justify the suffering. His whole life was around him, he had no opinion, no desires. He owes you for these sacrifices, but he up and left, he doesn’t need the merger, or he has grown out of it, it’s cramped and difficult for him in such relationships. You need to see what happened differently, but this is not easy, because power through manipulation is important to you. I know that you will reject everything I write now, so read it again in six months, a year. Your next relationship will be problematic, you need to work with yourself.
If separation has become inevitable and both partners have decided to take this step, then most likely the question will arise: “How to continue to live and what to do?” Separation is a concept familiar to everyone. Family psychologists claim that a person subconsciously considers it as a loss. At the same time, experiencing this loss, a person goes through certain stages of separation.
The first is denial of reality
The ex-lover cannot accept and believe that they have parted with him, and that this separation is final and irreparable. He is still making plans and firmly believes that the breakup is just a stupid mistake and that sooner or later everything will be the same again. He thinks that his significant other will call and say that everything will be fine and they will be together again. The first stage can last from three to five weeks to one and a half years.
The second is anger at a loved one.
The stages of experiencing separation are not complete without anger, because the realization that a loved one has betrayed and abandoned cannot but carry this negative feeling. Indignation gradually turns into aggression, and the ex-partner is accused of not wanting to maintain the relationship. Angry manifestations are purely individual, so some people skip the second stage and immediately move on to the third.
Third - bargaining and hope for the best
Trying to resume a former relationship, a person begins to bargain with himself or a former partner. For example, while going through the stages, a man sets himself certain deadlines (intervals) during which he will have a chance to make peace and renew his relationship with his partner. By creating such a time frame, he tries to cope with separation and get used to a new state - loneliness.
Fourth - depression and apathy
Awareness of one’s helplessness, and with it depression, comes when a person realizes that denying separation is pointless and nothing can be fixed. Negative thoughts gradually lead to despair, depression, apathy, insomnia, and sadness. All these conditions are a completely natural reaction of the body to stress. They can be especially acute in the fourth and second stages of separation in women.
Fifth - life from scratch
Life goes on, gradually a person forgets old grievances, meets new people, and stops living in the past. A second wind opens, and with it new plans, strength and hopes for a bright future appear.
Family psychologists say that the process of experiencing separation can last from three months to three years, it all depends on nervous system a specific person.
Factors and reasons
The stages of accepting a breakup depend on many reasons and factors. Perhaps the hardest thing here is nostalgia: at any moment, no matter how happy a person is, he can again plunge into memories. And while some experience these nostalgic moments simply and with a smile, others are once again enveloped in despair, anxiety, sadness, regret and even anger.
Experiencing separation from a loved one is very difficult. Parting is unbearable because it makes changes to an already familiar, established way of life. A lot also depends on who initiated the separation: if it was suggested by the ex-partner, then a feeling of inferiority and humiliation of one’s own dignity is added. The thoughts that a loved one has neglected and betrayed you are thrown out of your usual rut in life.
The most important thing is all 5 stages of separation, try not to linger in any of them for more than two to four weeks. It is very important to put an end to relationships, stop thinking about them, and start a new happy life.
The sooner a person lets go of his loved one, stops calling, writing, seeing him, the faster and less painful the separation stage will pass. You should not be afraid of a new life and new relationships, trying on them the sad patterns of the past: by letting go, sooner or later you will find the much-desired relief and spiritual freedom.
If you can’t get out of depression, psychologists advise doing an analysis of the relationship, and it is important to remember not only negative, but also positive moments, as well as what led to the separation. It is very important to draw conclusions and prevent mistakes from being repeated in the future.
The former partner’s reluctance to maintain friendly relations indicates a strong resentment that does not allow him to behave differently. In this case, it is worth thinking about what was wrong in the relationship.
with a man
The stages of separation in women are characterized by more pronounced emotionality and length. There are cases where representatives of the fairer sex were in a depressed state after separation for more than ten years.
Psychologists advise girls in a particularly difficult situation to put on the mask of a successful lady, get used to this image and try to experience as many positive emotions as possible, being strong and independent.
By acting on this principle and, as it were, living through a difficult life period for another person, you can not only restore your mental balance, but also find a new partner who can heal all mental wounds.
Another important factor in happiness is praise and admiration for yourself. It’s no secret that it’s quite difficult to love yourself again while experiencing separation. Self-love is the point without which the fifth stage cannot pass.
Forgiveness and acceptance
Very important point at the second stage of separation in men, it is forgiveness of the former lover and the realization that she also has the right to personal happiness and life with another person. During this period, you should avoid negative memories, discussions with friends, and especially calls and messages with unpleasant text and reproach.
In order to survive this difficult stage of life, you need to mentally let go of your ex-partner. Don't humiliate yourself and don't try to get him back. After all, even if he agrees to resume communication, he will most likely do it out of pity.
The longer the love union, the harder it is to survive the separation and go through all the stages of separation. In this case, psychology offers a lot of training that can help solve the problem and not withdraw into oneself. For example, separation is a chance to fulfill an old dream, an opportunity to change jobs, move, start a new life. With a breakup, no matter how sad it may sound, more time appears that can be spent visiting museums, fairs, cinemas, theaters, and enrolling in various sections and master classes. The main thing during this period is not to sit at home and not give in to despair.
The longer, the worse
Getting over a breakup after long term relationship always more difficult than breaking up fleeting romances. In such a situation, psychologists advise not to despair and look at the situation from a different angle. Separation is a chance to start life from scratch, to accomplish everything that was simply impossible to decide on before. Failure in your personal life is to achieve heights in your career and become a true professional. This is a time of travel and fulfillment of desires. The opportunity to fulfill a childhood dream, take up dancing, learn to cook beautiful soap or collect airplane models.
When experiencing a breakup with a loved one, the main thing is not to become despondent and not allow obsessive thoughts about loneliness. After all, communication with family, friends and colleagues cannot make up for the warmth, understanding and security that existed before. No matter how interesting a person may be with his interlocutor, in his soul he understands that there will no longer be such pleasure as when communicating with a loved one.
Breakup with the woman you love
Men experience breakups more acutely than women. Yes, in Everyday life The strong half of humanity is distinguished by endurance, willpower and strength of character. But when it comes to breaking up a relationship, especially if it happens suddenly, without reason and on the initiative of a woman, emotions become very acute. It is especially difficult for men who are emotionally dependent on their significant other to survive separation. After all, addiction, according to psychologists, does not appear from love for your other half, but from self-hatred and the desire to fill the emptiness inside with compliments and pleasant words.
Typically, men are stingy with emotions and prefer to keep everything to themselves, which is why, when the adrenaline in the blood is off the charts and rage is trying to get out, it is likely that the stages after a breakup in men will be accompanied by:
- drinking alcohol in an attempt to numb the pain;
- playing sports, sometimes to the point of complete exhaustion of the body;
- promiscuity (a person asserts himself at the expense of others);
- traveling by car or motorcycle at high speed.
Family psychologists argue that the stronger sex reacts more sharply to the negativity that occurs in relationships, and this is due to the fact that the male psyche in such a situation is more susceptible than the female.
Self love
The stages for men and women are approximately the same. During this difficult period, the main thing is to love and learn to respect yourself again, because how we treat ourselves is how others treat us.
Having loved and accepted himself, a person will be able to move on and meet someone with whom he will share his feelings.
Only after time can one understand that the break was necessary and the new relationship is much stronger and more joyful than the previous one.
In order to go through all the stages of separation as painlessly as possible, psychologists recommend:
- enjoy every moment and rush to fill every second of your life with meaning, interesting events and new people;
- Separation is something that every person goes through, so sometimes you just have to gain strength and be patient;
- stop looking for shortcomings in yourself and believing that someone is better and more worthy than you;
- Do not write, call or stalk your ex-lover under any circumstances;
- delete from social networks and phone book data of your ex, do not follow his/her life and do not communicate with mutual friends;
- don’t be alone, visit as many interesting places as possible;
- sign up for a fitness class, a swimming pool or a sports club;
- learn something new;
- make interesting acquaintances, do not refuse dates;
- devote as much time as possible to interesting and important things;
- change image, buy new clothes, perfumes, cosmetics, accessories.
The above tips are not only very simple and practical, but also effective.
On numerous forums you can also find interesting tips about how to survive the stages of separation.
To solve this problem, users are advised to adopt the following techniques:
- If the separation was initiated by your ex, do everything to make him regret leaving you.
- If the relationship is going downhill, break up with your other half first.
- Behave as confidently as possible when meeting with mutual friends; they should not know that separation is bothering you.
- Stop feeling like a victim.
- Do charity work.
- Learn to paint or sculpt with clay.
- Go through all the stages of separation as quickly as possible.
- Find out the truth about your relationship from the outside, perhaps in the future it will help you build a happy union.
- Change your surroundings, start traveling.
- Stop feeling sorry for yourself. This advice especially applies to the stronger sex, because it is known that the stages of separation are much more difficult for men than for women.
- Draw conclusions and do not repeat your mistakes in the future.
It is important to remember that men and women have very different views on relationships. And therefore, only that union can develop successfully in which both partners pursue the same goal (for example, starting a family) and are ready to listen to each other at any moment and find a solution to the problem together.
