Make up

Rape of young children. Sexual abuse of children: causes, signs. The main signs of child abuse

Physical violence- infliction of physical injuries, various bodily injuries to a child by parents or persons replacing them, educators or other persons, which cause damage to the child’s health, disrupt his development and take his life. These actions can be carried out in the form of beating, torture, shaking, in the form of blows, slaps, burning with hot objects, liquids, lit cigarettes, in the form of bites and using a variety of objects as instruments of savagery.

Physical abuse also includes involving a child in the use of drugs, alcohol, giving him poisonous substances or “intoxicating medications (for example, sleeping pills not prescribed by a doctor), as well as attempts to suffocate or drown the child.

Some families use various types of physical punishment as disciplinary measures - from slaps and slaps to spanking with a belt. It is necessary to realize that physical violence is really a physical attack (torture), it is almost always accompanied by verbal abuse and mental trauma.

Sexual abuse or seduction- use of a child (boy or girl) by an adult or another child to satisfy sexual needs or gain benefits. Sexual abuse includes sexual intercourse (coitus), oral and anal sex, mutual masturbation, and other bodily contact with the genitals. Sexual corruption also includes involving a child in prostitution, pornography, exposing the genitals and buttocks in front of a child, spying on him when he does not suspect it: while undressing, performing natural needs.

Mental (emotional) abuse- constant or periodic verbal abuse of the child, threats from parents, guardians, teachers, educators, humiliation of his human dignity, accusing him of something for which he is not guilty, demonstration of dislike, hostility towards the child. This type of violence also includes constant lies, deception of the child (as a result of which he loses trust in an adult), as well as demands placed on the child that do not correspond to his age capabilities.

Neglect of the interests and needs of the child- lack of proper provision of the child’s basic needs and requirements for food, clothing, housing, upbringing, education, medical care by parents or persons replacing them, due to objective reasons (poverty, mental illness, inexperience) and without them. A typical example of neglect of children is leaving them unattended, which “leads to accidents, poisoning and other consequences dangerous to the life and health of the child.

One of the manifestations of child abuse is a woman's lack of love for her child, when he is still in the mother’s womb, that is, to the child from an unwanted pregnancy. He, who has not yet shown himself in any way, is no longer loved, thought of or cared about. Being emotionally rejected even before birth, such children are born prematurely twice as often as compared to children from a desired pregnancy, they more often have low body weight, are more likely to get sick in the first months of life, and develop worse.

Any type of child abuse leads to a wide variety of consequences, but they all have one thing in common - damage to the child’s health or danger to his life. Negative health consequences are: loss or deterioration in the function of any organ, development of a disease, impairment of physical or mental development. Out of 100 cases of physical abuse of children, approximately 1-2 result in the death of the victim. The consequences of physical violence are bruises, injuries, fractures, damage to internal organs: liver, spleen, kidneys, etc. It takes time to heal these injuries, but even more time and effort is required to heal mental wounds, the psyche of a child who has suffered from beatings

Distinguish immediate and long-term consequences of abuse and inattention to children.

The immediate consequences include physical injuries, injuries, as well as vomiting, headaches, loss of consciousness, characteristic of concussion syndrome, which develops in young children who are taken by the shoulders and shaken violently. In addition to these signs, children with this syndrome develop hemorrhage in the eyeballs. The immediate consequences also include acute mental disorders in response to any type of aggression, especially sexual aggression. These reactions can manifest themselves in the form of excitement, a desire to run somewhere, hide, or in the form of deep lethargy and external indifference. However, in both cases, the child is gripped by an acute experience of fear, anxiety and anger. Older children may develop severe depression with a feeling of self-worth and inferiority.

Among the long-term consequences Child abuse includes violations of the physical and mental development of the child, various somatic diseases, personal and emotional disorders, and social consequences.

Disorders of physical and mental development

Most children living in families in which severe physical punishment, swearing at the child are “methods of education”, or in families where they are deprived of warmth and attention, for example, in the families of alcoholic parents, have signs of delayed physical and neurological development. mental development. Foreign experts called this condition of children “inability to thrive.”

Children who have been abused often lag behind their peers in height, weight, or both. They begin to walk and talk later, laugh less often, and do significantly worse in school than their peers. Such children often have “bad habits”: finger sucking, nail biting, rocking, masturbation. And outwardly, children living in conditions of neglect of their interests, physical and emotional needs look differently than children living in normal conditions: they have swollen, “sleepy” eyes, a pale face, disheveled hair, untidiness in clothes, etc. signs of hygienic neglect - lice, rashes, bad odor from clothes and body.

Various diseases as a result of abuse

Diseases may be specific to a particular type of violence: for example, during physical violence there is damage to parts of the body and internal organs of varying severity, and bone fractures. Sexual violence can cause sexually transmitted diseases: infectious and inflammatory diseases of the genitals, syphilis, gonorrhea, AIDS, acute and chronic urinary tract infections, injuries, bleeding from the genitals and rectum, ruptures of the rectum and vagina, rectal prolapse.

Regardless of the type and nature of violence, children may experience various diseases that are classified as psychosomatic: obesity or, conversely, sudden weight loss, which is caused by appetite disorders. With emotional (mental) violence, there are often skin rashes, allergic pathology, stomach ulcers, and with sexual violence - inexplicable (if no diseases of the abdominal or pelvic organs are detected) pain in the lower abdomen. Children often develop neuropsychiatric diseases such as tics, stuttering, enuresis (urinary incontinence), encopresis (fecal incontinence), and some children are repeatedly admitted to emergency departments due to accidental injuries and poisoning.

Mental characteristics of children affected by violence

Almost all children who have suffered from abuse and neglect have experienced mental trauma, as a result of which they develop further with certain personal, emotional and behavioral characteristics that negatively affect their future life.

Children who have been subjected to various types of violence themselves experience anger, which is most often poured out on the weaker: younger children, on animals. Often their aggressiveness manifests itself in the game, sometimes their outbursts of anger have no apparent reason.

Some of them, on the contrary, are overly passive and cannot defend themselves. In both cases, contact and communication with peers is disrupted. In abandoned, emotionally deprived children, the desire to attract attention in any way sometimes manifests itself in the form of defiant, eccentric behavior.

Children who have experienced sexual abuse acquire age-appropriate knowledge about sexual relationships, which is manifested in their behavior, in games with other children or with toys. Even young children who have not reached school age and have suffered from sexual violence can subsequently become the initiators of depraved acts and involve a large number of participants in them.

The most universal and severe reaction to any, not just sexual violence, is low self-esteem, which contributes to the preservation and consolidation of psychological disorders associated with violence. A person with low self-esteem experiences feelings of guilt, shame, and is characterized by a constant conviction of his own inferiority, that “you are the worst of all.” As a result, it is difficult for the child to achieve the respect of others, success, and communication with peers is difficult.

Among these children, even in adulthood, there is a high incidence of depression. This manifests itself in attacks of anxiety, unaccountable melancholy, a feeling of loneliness, and sleep disturbances. At older ages, in adolescents, attempts to commit suicide or completed suicides may occur.

Feeling unhappy, destitute, adapting to abnormal conditions of existence, trying to find a way out of this situation, they themselves can become blackmailers. This, in particular, applies to sexual violence, when in exchange for a promise to keep a secret and not to disrupt the usual family life, children extort money, sweets, and gifts from adult rapists.

Social consequences of child abuse

There are two simultaneous aspects of these consequences: harm to the victim and harm to society.

Children who have experienced any type of violence experience difficulties in socialization: they have broken connections with adults, do not have appropriate communication skills with peers, they do not have a sufficient level of knowledge and erudition to gain authority at school, etc. Children who are victims of violence solve their problems. They are often found in a criminal, asocial environment, and this is often associated with the development of their addiction to alcohol and drugs; they begin to steal and commit other criminal acts.

Girls often begin to engage in prostitution, and boys may become disturbed in their sexual orientation. Both subsequently experience difficulties in creating their own families; they cannot give their children enough warmth because their own emotional problems have not been resolved.

As mentioned above, any type of violence forms in children and adolescents such personal and behavioral characteristics that make them unattractive and even dangerous to society.

What is the social cost of child abuse? This is, first of all, the loss of human lives as a result of the murders of children and adolescents or their suicides; these are the losses of productive members of society due to violations of their mental and physical health, low educational and professional levels, and criminal behavior. This is the loss of parents who are capable of raising physically and morally healthy children. Finally, this is the reproduction of cruelty in society, since former victims themselves often become rapists. (From the article “Child Abuse and Its Consequences”).

Adults and children should know this information

American specialists, employees of the American non-profit organization "Project Harmony", who conducted a study in the Republic of Karelia in 1998 as part of the project "Preventing Domestic Violence", defined the concepts of "violence" and "child abuse" as follows:

Committed to a child violence, If:

He was tortured

He was beaten

His health was harmed

His sexual integrity and sexual freedom were violated.

A child was bullied if:

He was instilled with fear through actions, gestures, looks,

They used their height, age,

They shouted at him

Threatened violence against others (child's parents, friends, animals, etc.).

TO ill-treatment This also includes using the power of public institutions:

Religious organization,

Police,

Special schools for children,

Relatives,

A child is abused if he is used for this purpose. isolation:

Control his access to communication with peers, adults, brothers and

Sisters, parents, grandparents

The child is also abused emotional abuse, If:

They humiliate his dignity

They use offensive nicknames

Use him as a confidant

When communicating with a child they show inconsistency,

The child is shamed

Use the child as a transmitter of information to the other parent (adult)

Committed to a child economic violence, If:

His basic needs are not satisfied, behavior is controlled with the help of money.

Adults waste family money.

The child is used as a means of economic bargaining in divorce.

A child is treated cruelly if threats are used:

Threats to abandon him (and in the orphanage - to expel him and transfer him to another institution),

Threats of suicide, physical harm to yourself or relatives.

Adults treat the child cruel, If:

Use their privileges:

They treat the child as a servant, a subordinate,

They refuse to inform the child about decisions that relate directly to him and his fate:

About visits by his parents, guardians,

The child is interrupted during conversations.

From an article by T.Ya. Safonova, E.I. Tsymbal
"Child abuse and its consequences" / Child abuse: essence, causes, social and legal protection. M., 1993

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This week, boarding schools were inspected in the Kurgan and Chelyabinsk regions; the inspection was carried out by representatives of the office of the Commissioner for Children's Rights and employees of the prosecutor's office. Two weeks ago, three foster families who took custody of seven boys aged 10–14 years announced that orphans were being raped en masse in a Chelyabinsk orphanage. The children told stories of violence in great detail; all the episodes featured the same people - four teachers from the orphanage and two strangers. A 51-year-old visitor, who received permission from the guardianship to take in orphans in the so-called guest mode, was arrested, while the teachers and the management of the boarding school denied the workers’ involvement in the rapes, saying that the children made it all up. One of the graduates of an orphanage in the Ivanovo region, on condition of anonymity, told The Insider how the relationship with teachers was arranged for her and other orphans, what kind of bullying they experienced from teachers and why children from the boarding school cannot complain about their tormentors.

When I heard about Chelyabinsk, I immediately realized that children do not lie. We also had cases of violence, and everyone who is directly connected with the orphanage always wants to hush up this topic as much as possible. They have money, resources, they also rely on the fact that the victims are disabled children, mentally retarded, that they made it all up... But they cannot make it up. I lived in a boarding school, I saw how our teachers... The boarding school is located in the Ivanovo region, in a village. I've seen enough of this, and I know that children don't lie. Start talking to any other child at home about these topics, they don’t know such details - how, what, where.

I communicate with some classmates, with other orphans, some older than me, some younger, on the topic of violence, I suggest: let’s give these things a go, but they don’t want to stir up the past, they’re embarrassed. The girl Nastya, with many children, whom I help, had a very, very cruel teacher, she beat the children very hard - with a beater, with a jump rope. We also had other teachers, they simply made us look like fools. I have a classmate, he was also considered sick, his sister also grew up in a special boarding school, she was adopted - as a result, she now has two higher educations, although she was also considered unhealthy. In the end, she was lucky and now lives normally. Kolka, her brother, was released from prison, and she even helped him.

That is, it is the boarding system itself that makes us like this. I was also considered sick, my mother is mentally disabled, teachers and even the director told me that I was nothing at all, and they sent me to a mental hospital many times. I read my characteristics - they were very bad. Such negativity came at me, but I didn’t know how to complain, where, because it was no use.

The teachers put pressure on us, then I went to a vocational school, there was a teacher there who deceived orphans, saying that they cost us 18 thousand rubles a year to dress us, although this is a lie, even now I live on my own and I cannot afford this amount a year to get dressed, prices are now much more expensive than they used to be, and yet I’m dressed normally.

We were very deceived about the food. We’ll do a little mischief, we were children, this teacher at a vocational school said, “You’ll be a homeless person.” In another vocational school, the teacher constantly bothered me, and as a result, at the age of 19, I took my personal file and tore it up, because everyone knew the child’s story, right down to the yard dog.

Slavka Polunin from our class is now in prison, he was given 15 years for murder. How much violence did he endure in the boarding school?

In the end, I graduated normally and live on my own, although most of my classmates did not. Slavka Polunin is in prison, he was given 15 years for murder. How much violence did he endure in the boarding school? I talked to all the boys - after all, when a child is raped, he perceives this whole situation as if this is how it should be. And then he grows up, and he becomes aggressive, and he splashes out this aggression towards the world.

Like Slavka, he sits, he is already on his fourth “walk”, he was raped by the system and physically - he told me about it himself. What kind of child will be normal after the experience in the orphanage? He already has a sick soul. He seems to be trying to live, but this blackness that happened to him in the boarding school is spinning inside him, he seems to be trying to live, but it kills him and results in violence.

One young teacher came to work for us, he mocked us, here’s one of the ways - he took a large bottle of lemonade and lined us up in our underpants in front of the high school students, poured lemonade into the cork, and we drank in turns. He said: until you drink all this lemonade, God forbid, someone spills past the lid, you will stand here. We probably drank it for two hours - we poured it into this lid ourselves.

I remember how the doctors on duty came to us at night in the camp; they were mostly women in white coats. I lived in a separate room with a girl, Lena. She was two years younger than me - she was in first grade. Next door in another room lived classmates, there were about 5-6 of them, in another room there were also first-graders, and I was in the third grade.

The teacher took me into another room and began to ask: “What did you see last night?” I said: “So and so, I saw you,” and he kicked me and threw me with all his might. I fell and roared, he said: “You haven’t seen anything.”

And at night one of them, in a white robe, came up to them. I got up at night, heard noise and commotion, went out into the street, our doors were literally one step from the room - I quietly opened it to find out what was going on, and I saw: Anka was lying on the right side and a man in a white coat was coming out at me, our teacher. Later, from the words of the girls, I found out that this was not the first time he had climbed in with them and reached under the blanket with his hands. He saw me, the next day we had exercises near the building, he took me into another room and began to ask: “What did you see last night?” I said: “So and so, I saw you,” and he kicked me and threw me with all his might.

I fell and roared, he said: “You didn’t see anything.” After this incident, I was very scared, I tried to run away from the camp, but he controlled me, and I did not run away. He continued to work after that, I then forgot about it, you know, like with children - incidents happen to them, then they can quickly forget everything. They keep it inside, but they just don’t think about it, but we didn’t really feel, didn’t know that a crime was happening. This teacher, he is in the city, we often meet him, he directly harasses us. You see, he didn’t call anyone by name, he gave everyone nicknames, we were sick, idiots to him.

They are intimidated the same way we were intimidated: “You are orphans, you are nobody, there is no one to stand up for you, go complain anywhere, nothing will happen to us.”

If the affected children still lived in a boarding school, they would not say anything, because they are intimidated as much as we were intimidated: “You are orphans, you are nobody, there is no one to stand up for you, go complain anywhere, nothing will happen to us.” . And we saw many, many crimes committed by educators, we saw that they were not punished, after that we understood that there really would be no protection for us. No one at the boarding school paid attention to this rapist teacher, but still, not everyone there was scum.

I had a case, it was in the third grade, the teacher Lyudmila Igorevna came up to me in a quiet hour and said: “Ver, do you know that today is your birthday?” Surprisingly, I was 11 years old and didn’t even know when my birthday was. She begged the director to give her food for the holiday, and she even ordered some. Our holidays always went like this - the teacher went to the director, she prescribed flour and sand, but basically the teacher brought most of it from home.

I remember she gave me markers and coloring books. It was my first birthday. She brought us her jam and sometimes took us home. In the second grade, another teacher, Natalya Pavlovna, came to us, at first she treated us very badly, beat the boys, but did not touch the girls. Her husband served in Chechnya, I told him that his wife beats his children, he talked to her after that, and she began to treat us very well.

The teachers were all young, and we had discos every weekend on the ground floor. I remember how they came, apparently drunk, and began to show off. Our boarding school was located in the village, in the middle of nowhere, so they were not afraid of anything - they danced right in the hall, and all the children were dispersed.

I approached Natalya Pavlovna and warned that I would tell the director everything about them. Then there was a lights out, and in the darkness Natalya Pavlovna came up to me, grabbed me and said: “If you tell me, I’ll tell you now.” I told her that I would tell her anyway, and she threw me on the bed and started kicking her and repeated: “You won’t tell, you won’t tell.” She probably shook me like that for an hour, and I finally gave up and promised not to tell anything about her. The next day she came after class, approached me and asked if I would complain to the director about her. She took out the Turbo, Love is... block with the words: “This is chewing gum for you.” And that’s it, I then completely forgot about this incident.

Sometimes I wonder where this anger comes from. Let's imagine that a lonely girl is walking down a dark alley, and a man is following her. He left the house and planned to go buy, say, mineral water. And he sees a defenseless girl walking alone. And his instinct kicks in. He tells some to pass by, and to others - “she’s alone, defenseless, weak, let me beat her and rape her.” This is what happens in boarding schools. Children's homes are closed. Children are small, defenseless, you can intimidate them, you can give them candy.

Rapists do this, they are subtle psychologists and know who can be touched and who cannot

Rapists do just that, they are subtle psychologists and know who can be touched and who cannot. For example, I didn’t suffer so much because I could complain to the director. I remember how I ran away with my class to a neighboring village. We just spent half a day wandering around. And then I came late in the evening, and the teacher, along with two high school girls, began to “put me to bed.” She whipped me with a jump rope, while others held my arms and legs, then they undressed me. The next day I organized a boycott and said that I would not go to study until everyone was punished. I went to the director, I cried there, then these high school girls were taken to a psychiatric hospital, and this teacher was removed from our class.

That is, there was at least some, albeit small, justice. I remember in the evening we were playing spirits with the whole class, and one of the high school girls ran up to us, grabbed my friend Lidka with all her might and threw her on the bed. Nearby in the corridor, the teacher saw it all, heard it all and did nothing. Now Lidka is no longer alive, she died and did not live to see 33 years old.

I remember a young, inexperienced teacher came to us, and Lidka stole her salary. She took me into the room and said: “Ver, look.” I already knew what money looked like. I, he says, want to buy myself some chewing gum and some trinkets. Lidka suggested that I take half the money, and I agreed.

Then I heard from the conversation that the teacher’s money was missing, I went up to her and gave my half. She attacked me with her fists and shouted: “Where did you get this money?” I was terribly scared, I say, Lida took it and shared it with me. What was it for Lida... The teacher ran outside, dragged Lidka by the scruff of the neck, brought her to her class, the youngest, and hit her fingers with all her might with a pointer. Lidka was screaming terribly. I stood at the door in the corridor, then Lida came out with tear-stained eyes, holding her hands in fists. I looked at all this and looked for an answer to why the teachers are so cruel and hate us so much. Of course, I will never go to an orphanage - going there to work means supporting this whole system, all this hell. Perhaps the teachers came and were normal, but then they simply turned into animals.

I watched the German film “Experiment”: they recruited a group of 20 volunteers, half of them were made prisoners, and the rest, a small group of people, were made guards. So much moral ugliness came out of these guards! They got so into it, there was such a mess, blood, they commanded the prisoners, raped them... The same thing happens in orphanages. An ordinary person comes to an orphanage, he sees: yeah, the children are defenseless, weak. Some were good people, while others - bad ones - came and only became even worse.

I am now helping one girl, Nastya, in her class a girl was raped at night. The night teacher was the teacher who was on duty for us at night, keeping an eye on the children. When he was on duty with us, we all slept dressed - he could easily come up with a flashlight, throw back the blanket and look at us.

Another girl was an opportunity for the night - she was raped even before boarding school, she was taken from a dysfunctional family, her father raped her there, she was five years old, that is, she was no longer a virgin

The girl agreed to sleep with him because she already knew that there was no other way out. In fact, more violence usually happens to boys, because in girls the marks can be seen in the gynecology.

Another girl was a convenient case for the night - she was raped even before the boarding school, she was taken from a dysfunctional family, her father raped her there, she was five years old, that is, she was no longer a virgin. She was transferred from one crime house to another. I am telling this based on facts and the behavior of this night.

When I was beaten and bullied, I thought that this was how it should be. And then, growing up, at 13-14 years old, at a turning point, the child begins to understand what is happening to him, he tries to throw it out. If those children whom “Uncle Seryozha” raped were not outside, they would not have told, because they know very well that there is no protection in the orphanage. Having felt the protection of the foster family, the child begins to tell everything. When he finds himself at home, he doesn’t believe his ears - he seemed to think that he was raped in the orphanage, and that’s right, but in the family everything is fine with him - they don’t beat him, they don’t rape him, and that’s also right.

And only with the passage of time does he begin to understand that, after all, what happened in the orphanage is not the norm. He begins to look around, look for protection and realizes that now he has a mother, a father, that they can protect him. And the children who stayed in the Chelyabinsk orphanage and were raped remain silent. They didn't say anything because they know no one will help them. When a child is not silent, it is very good. This means that he understood that these creatures must be punished, and there are good, fair people in the world, that’s the point.

The stories of former pupils of a St. Petersburg orphanage, who were subjected to sexual abuse by adults for a long time, continue to acquire new colors and details. And the worst thing about these stories is that they are so old. Only twelve years later, the victim of violence was able to complain about the offender, only after a long period of time can the child who has been subjected to such an ordeal even talk about it. According to the psychologist, up to 90% of child victims of sexual violence are not able to tell adults about what happened. Meanwhile, such crimes happen in St. Petersburg quite often.

Little victims of unhealthy adult fantasies

One of the most notorious stories of violence against St. Petersburg children came to light in 2014. And it started even earlier - in 2010. Then, on the eve of the summer holidays, a St. Petersburg woman with many children posted an ad on the Internet asking for a cottage for her and her five children for a summer vacation. A married couple from Moscow, Pavel Vasyagin and Tatyana Shmekanovskaya, responded to the mother’s request.

The young people introduced themselves as volunteers and happily rented a cottage for a mother with many children for the whole summer. But this help was not enough for them, and the couple said that they would take the children to their place for the weekend. The “Moscow weekend” lasted all summer, and when the summer season ended, Vasyagin and Shmekanovskaya decided to continue their charitable activities.

The Muscovites took in their three older children for the weekend - a five-year-old girl, a nine-year-old boy and a sixteen-year-old girl (the age was given at the time of the discovery of the crime) - for four years. However, in 2014, the eldest girl could not stand it and told her mother about sexual violence and various perversions that the children suffered from the couple of “good” Muscovites all this time.

The mother contacted investigators. A criminal case was opened, and a year later, when long-term abuse of children was confirmed, the “volunteers” from Moscow received the corresponding sentence - 33 years for both of them. Vasyagin was sentenced to 20 years without admitting his guilt, and his wife, who also took part in orgies with minors, received 13 years.

However, it happens that danger lurks much closer to the child. So, quite recently - in early April - the Krasnogvardeysky Court of St. Petersburg arrested a 47-year-old coach of a children's football team. A man involved in sexual violence against students. According to investigators, during a training camp in Belarus, the coach abused two boys who were not even 12 years old.

But the worst case is when violence reigns in the family. There are most of these cases, but children almost never tell their “darkest secret.” Sometimes - because they are ashamed, sometimes - because they don’t even understand what adults are doing to them.

A year ago, in March 2016, in the city of Pikalevo there was a suspect in sexual abuse of his own 8-month-old daughter. The girl was hospitalized with numerous abrasions and swelling. And in November of the same 2016, a St. Petersburg woman turned to the Investigative Committee with a statement against her own husband - the woman found out that her.

Psychologist's advice: listen, understand, help and teach

The worst thing in all stories related to sexual abuse of children and adolescents is the endless weakness of the victim and her inability not only to stand up for herself, but, most often, to simply seek help and tell at least someone about what is happening. According to Irina Logutenkova, a psychologist at the All-Russian Psychological Assistance Service, sexual violence is a deeply taboo topic for children in our society. And if the violence comes from close relatives, the topic becomes doubly taboo.

Children, for the most part, are afraid to talk about it, says the psychologist. - This topic is associated with a great sense of shame. First of all, children worry that “they won’t understand me,” and secondly, that “they won’t believe me.”

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