You are a deity, you are my idol... (c)

This is the perfect person! Look how much he has achieved! Look how handsome he is! Thousands of people (or maybe tens of thousands, or maybe millions!) meditate with his posters, he’s so good! All funds are free and not very much - spent on a new poster, sticker or... a concert, book, film.

I've never fallen in love with famous person? Is it true? Never at all? What if we don’t lie to ourselves?

To many, from the height of their years, this strange love seems childish. But someone never left! And then, at twenty, twenty-five, the collection of information continues, night sighs over the alluring portrait and strange dreams: “We are definitely destined for each other, I feel it.”

We are not like everyone else. Moreover, everyone is not like everyone else. Personalities, individualities, special. Yes, the object of love simply cannot resist... Just grow up! Just meet! After all, for sure, one glance is enough for him to understand...

Basically, this is, of course, the lot of girls - to suffer for a handsome actor, hug his photo and dream of being next to him. From the age of thirteen, when a child becomes a girl, many actively fall in love with the unattainable and build themselves visual sand castles.

They fall in love with the picture, with the voice. They begin to collect newspaper clippings (before), subscribe to pages in in social networks(Now). Despite the fact that today many quite quickly find a way directly to the artist and write and write letters to him in electronic handwriting, sprinkled with virtual perfume.

And they suffer without receiving an answer, they even become hysterical. Sometimes. And they seriously fall in love. In a person whom in fact they do not know at all. Into the image. Into the picture. In talent.

Who are these “lucky ones”?

Not every one of us is capable of some kind of feelings for an idol. It’s about feelings, not fanaticism yet, but already on the verge (you can talk and talk and talk about fangirls). Many of us condemn such attachment, not realizing that a person really suffers, makes some plans and may well change his life in order to get to the idol. There are known cases of contacting relatives and subsequent disappointment in the object of love.

There are known cases of suicide attempts due to this “love”.

What to do? With your child? Or what should you do yourself if you have a persistent and obsessive desire to be with an unavailable person (in most cases, it is generally unclear what to do after the meeting)?
And what is the reason for such jumps?

System-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan, clearly differentiating people by vectors (main characteristics), provides answers to all these questions. The fact is that not everyone is really capable of “falling in love” from a distance, especially with an idol. We are talking about five percent of the happy owners of the visual vector.

The audience is especially emotional. The highest value and meaning of part-time life for them is love. At the same time, not all of them know how to love. Clinging to pictures, speeches, dozens and hundreds of articles read, a person completes the image of his “beloved”, turning it into an idealized picture. And he sincerely falls in love with this picture, in which little remains of a real person.

Why stars?

Everything is very simple. These are people who are visible, who “please the eye.” There is an opportunity to observe them. Their personal life is available to everyone. Pictures, pictures, pictures, rumors.
Watch the same video for hours, peering into your eyes, looking for something special, something magical, something... some sign. We, the spectators, are very susceptible to signs and religiously believe in them. What are you... Everything is serious and real with us.

When the object of “feelings” surrounds you day and night, both in sleep and while studying, an emotional connection with it is established quite strong. Although, as practice shows, it is easily interrupted by real relationships and a real person.

Are there any feelings?

Yes, they are capable of serious feelings for this picture, of hysteria, of some kind of body movements towards the idol. It is the female spectators that we see at concerts, throwing pieces of clothing onto the stage, climbing towards the object of their passion and love... In the heat of ecstasy, a star can be torn to pieces, but this is already a clinic.

This state of hysteria, obsession, is characteristic of the underdevelopment of the visual vector. To get out of it, it is necessary to develop the vector accordingly.

How? For what? Why?

When the vector is not developed, a person is filled with fears and phobias. They become “intimidated” by the object, become hysterical, and demand attention. You can’t expect this from an idol; in the end, hysteria goes beyond all boundaries.

The opposite state of fear is love. You can reach it only by pushing fear outward. Through compassion. Cry! Watch sad, life-like films, read heartfelt and realistic stories. Be compassionate. Help someone who is worse off than you.

These are not biblical rules. This is a real tool that works. Yuri Burlan talks more about fear and love, painful conditions in love and ways to overcome them at a lecture on visual vector.

In the meantime, listen to what Aliya says about her fears, their manifestation and the state of love that came after getting rid of fears:

Love is the most wonderful feeling, but unfortunately, it does not always bring us happiness. Sometimes it becomes an obsession, tormenting us constantly, distracting us from important matters and taking all our thoughts to the object of our dreams. And this happens not only because unrequited love. It's even worse if the hero of your novel doesn't even know about you.

It would seem, what’s so terrible about this unattainable love? Just think, you live with your feelings, thinking about your idol twenty-four hours a day. It’s just that friends and acquaintances are twirling their fingers at their temples, assuring them that it’s time to throw this nonsense out of their heads. And you even try... But, waking up at night from a nagging pain in your chest, you realize that it “won’t let you go.” You continue to stubbornly pretend that you have everything under control, and meanwhile life ceases to bring you joy...

Hobby in adolescence

Falling in love with an idol bordering on fanaticism is a normal period in the development of a teenager. Girls grow up earlier than boys: they already want real feelings, relationships, but you simply won’t get this from their peers. In their love for an unattainable object, they learn to love, experience, compassion, care and admiration. They can draw an ideal image of their lover, endow him with the necessary features and at the same time be completely safe. After all, they don’t yet know what to do with real relationships, and so they unconsciously receive a guarantee that “nothing will happen after.” Thus, experiencing passion for a celebrity, girls aged 11–15 (some earlier, some later) prepare themselves for “adult” relationships.

Mature woman falling in love

What to do if such feelings “covered” an adult woman? The root of such hobbies most often lies in one’s own immaturity and immaturity. You want to be a little girl who will be held and protected from all problems.

the Forbidden fruit is sweet

In general, people tend to want what “they can’t do.” And having fallen in love with the “wrong guy,” you can deliberately flaunt your suffering, hiding behind the phrases “If only... then I would...” - instead of changing your life in the right direction and moving towards your goals. Comfortable!

I am the center of the universe

The availability of the object of your dreams (after all, the stars are always in sight, 24 hours a day) allows you not to fight for his time, attention and love - you just need to go online. So you get the illusion that the whole world is at your feet, and you, like a capricious girl, get everything at once. You don't really want to put in the effort and responsibility of trying to build a real relationship, because then you would have to adapt and change your habits to suit your partner's needs.

Imaginary ideality

You can endow your idol with any traits and qualities - those that you supposedly don’t find in “real” men. In addition, looking at the “photoshopped life” of your hero, you can take your mind off the dullness and monotony of your own life.

What to do when “unreal” love hits you

1. You have a man, but suddenly you fell head over heels in love with another. If this happens, it seems that you are not completely satisfied with your relationship. It’s worth figuring out what exactly doesn’t suit you.

✘ If the spark is lost, bright emotions, passion, try to bring them back into your relationship. Can be arranged romantic date, change your wardrobe (at least sometimes get out of your usual trousers and put on a dress - this way you will remember that you are a woman and not a workhorse), go on a mini-vacation on the weekend with your partner, spend interesting evenings at home, for example, playing chess or cards. Good way get closer - find a joint hobby.

✘ You have become burdened by your differences in character: for example, he is a rather closed introvert, and you are an extrovert who cannot live without parties and communication. Find hobbies for yourself, go out alone or with friends. After all, who said that couples do everything together? Everyone has the right to their own time and space. The main thing is not to lose what you have in common, devoting attention and time to each other.

✘ If your marriage has outlived its usefulness, you both feel that your goals and plans for life are different, you should find the strength to break the vicious circle and end the relationship. Talk openly with your spouse. Perhaps you will part easily and painlessly. But if it gets hard, turn to friends or a psychologist for help.

2. You are still single, but the men around you are not interested. That's why you fell for some actor. Answer yourself the question: “Do I need a relationship now?” Most likely the answer is “no”. Perhaps you recently experienced a painful breakup or there has been violence (psychological or physical) in your life. Or you now have other goals in first place (not everyone wants to be paired with someone for whom career or travel more important than family). In the first two cases, give yourself time, but if the pain and fear do not go away, contact a psychologist. And thirdly, accept yourself for who you are and stop trying to live up to other people's expectations. But let's figure out how to get rid of love for an idol.

✘ Understand the reasons: analyze why you chose this particular person? What are the main qualities and character traits he has? Describe it using five adjectives. Read what is written carefully. Do you think this is a description of your ideal partner, and you need to look for one in reality? Not certainly in that way. These definitions, rather, indicate what you lack in yourself, what aspects of your character you need to develop first. After all, we usually look for something that can complement us, complete us to the whole. Maybe it's time to work on yourself?

✘ Take off your rose-colored glasses and stop idealizing your idol. He may look perfect, but in reality he is a person just like you and your friends. Look at his photos taken by the paparazzi, read into the dubious facts of his biography - and turn on your critical attitude (it’s not easy, but try!). Believe me, you can easily find a lot of shortcomings in him, and this will help you return to reality.

✘ Set boundaries: limit “communication” with the object of love. To do this, clear your space of things that resemble it, leaving them only in one corner. Determine the time you will spend admiring your idol. Gradually reduce it by paying more attention to doing other things. Come up with a hobby, start a diary where you will write down tasks (it’s important to complete them!): learn 30 French words, read 100 pages of a book, spend 1 hour in the gym. This way you will take your mind off thoughts about your lover, and at the same time you will master many skills and acquire knowledge that will be useful to you in life.

✘ Benefit from: perceive love for your idol as a source of inspiration and strength to implement your plans. After all, you can build your self-development with an eye on the “star”: write a script to get acquainted with famous actor, build a program and run for the Duma in order to get closer to politics, do charity work, attend exhibitions and festivals, develop your own business... Initially, you will have an incentive in the form of “getting closer to your loved one,” but, immersed in all this, you will catch yourself thinking that you are doing this for yourself, and “his” approval or meeting with him is no longer interesting to you.

✘ Say goodbye to him. To finally “let go” of your idol, take a piece of paper and write him a letter. Talk about your feelings and experiences, what attracted you to him, and what you achieved thanks to him. Complete the letter with a description own successes, praise and pride in yourself - this way you will shift the focus of attention from him to yourself, turn love, care and respect towards yourself, remember the value of your own personality.

What to do if your daughter falls in love with an idol?

Put yourself in her shoes. Remember your childhood and you will understand the importance of disks, posters and autographs of celebrities. Their presence determines the child’s position on the internal hierarchical ladder of self-esteem.
Support her. Don’t try to confront your daughter’s idol, but ask her to explain his work, discuss it with her. Give her concert tickets, try to get rare photographs of the star. Believe me, your daughter will be grateful to you, and you will be able to maintain a warm and trusting relationship with her.
Teach her to show love not with words, but with actions. This is easy to explain using the example of money. Deprive daughter pocket money, which she mainly spends on her idol, is incorrect. But offering to make an effort - and earn it (help her find a part-time job), thereby “proving” your feelings to the object of affection - is a completely different matter.
Accept that your baby is already grown up. And the longer you try to keep her on a short leash, the more acute forms her affection will take.

What do they say about this?

Love for an idol is not uncommon. They talk about it. And they say a lot... There is a lot of advice on the Internet. For example: “Don’t waste your precious time daydreaming and bubble ideals. You shouldn’t ruin the life of yourself or those around you because of some singer or film actor. The main thing is to understand that you will never be next to him.” “It is dangerous to love mirages, to be seduced by shadows, to strive for ideal images. Return to real life" They also say that you shouldn’t give up your love. You have to believe. Or wait for it to pass. There you can also find real confessions from ladies in love just like you. They love their idol like a dream, and believe that their dream will someday come true (although somewhere deep down they realize that this will never happen) - this makes life much easier for them... But we will give you other, real advice!

KNOCK!

Regardless of whether you have written to him more than once or have not yet decided to take this step, you should definitely write to his fan club. By the way, such an address can be found on your idol’s website. As for email, it won't be of much use. Any advanced fan club receives thousands of such letters every minute. The only thing that makes you stand out among virtual admirers is the subject line of the letter. It should be original, and not “I want to meet him and get married.” So rack your brains and think! If you are going to send your message by mail, know that the envelope must be unusual. Make every effort to get your message noticed. Color it with all the colors of the rainbow, draw an original drawing, choose beautiful stamps. Show what your imagination, inspired by love, is capable of.

Now let's move on to the content of the message. The most important thing is to try to avoid grammatical errors. Write him poetry, tell him about yourself, your city and, of course, that you really like him. Now let’s imagine that he read your letter. What's next? Thanks to the discreet message, your idol or his secretary will conclude that...

...when you meet, you will not tear his clothes, run after him with a crazy expression on his face and with scissors in his hands, in order to get at least some trophy in the form of a torn sleeve or a tuft of hair.

That is, it will become clear that you are a balanced and completely normal girl. And then you may be invited to a meeting with him. Even if this doesn’t happen, you will definitely become an active member of the fan club - and that’s cool. But as for overseas stars, it’s unlikely that something like this can happen on the territory of your homeland. Although anything can happen. And waiting for a miracle...

Waiting for a miracle...

1. Learn your idol's language. It's cool to watch his original films, understand what he sings about, read his blogs on Twitter or communicate with him personally on Facebook (and this can happen!). In any case, excellent knowledge of a foreign language will definitely be useful to you in life.

2. Save some money for travel. Even if you don’t meet the person you dream of, you will see the world.

3. You should look good paired with your idol. Look after yourself and fashion. And of course, for the figure! It should be twelve points. Take your feet in your hands and go to the gym, aerobics, fitness or dancing. So let, in addition to love, you still have other hobbies that will only benefit you.

4. To have something in common with the one you love, take acting classes or take vocal lessons. Maybe thanks to your success you will meet him. In any case, there will be one more reason for the meeting.

Step forward

Now it's time to talk about reality...

First, let's figure out who you love. Singer, actor? Chances are you love his look. So much so that at the very sight of him you are overcome by a real tsunami of feelings. You want to hug the monitor/TV and constantly stare into the eyes of your chosen one...

Loving an idol is very, very cool. Firstly, you cannot quarrel with him. Secondly, he never says anything he doesn’t want to hear. Therefore, you attribute to him the qualities of an ideal, come up with some mind-blowing character traits.

But behind the scenes, in life, he can be moody or irritable and also make mistakes. Understand, he is a man! This means that nothing human is alien to him. Admit it, there are moments when you understand the stupidity of the situation, living as if in another dimension. Now open the door and take a step into the ordinary world. Let's go explore. Not everything there is as bad as it seems.

Oh, lucky one!

It is unlikely that any guy can capture your imagination if you are fanatically in love with your idol. It is very difficult. But at least try to find someone who is at least a little like your dream. Voice, appearance or even gait. What a difference it makes! After all, he might like you, which means he can turn you into a real lucky guy. After all, communication with different people- This is cool!. We repeat - with different people, and not just an unrequited “dialogue” with your idol. Believe me, he won't be offended. He will only be in favor if you become truly happy!

Understand, love should help you live. Love is happiness, not tears and pain in the heart. Share it with others. They are really looking forward to it!

“Do not make yourself an idol and
no image of that
what is in heaven above, what is on earth below,
and what is in the water below the earth.
Do not worship them or serve them..."
Bible

How often do we create idols? Do we love long-legged models and worship rock singers, imitate famous Hollywood stars in manners and style?!

And all this is not in vain for us, because love for an idol is the loss of one’s self, imitation of someone else’s behavior and lifestyle. There is nothing worse than not just admiring someone, but trying to be like him in everything.

Pathological passion, love for this person looks even more terrible. Hanging his rooms with photographs, attending all the concerts, kissing the photographs before going to bed, wishes Good night. All this smells like a specific clinic. Especially if you are over 12 years old.

Of course, I admire many men and women. Like everyone else, I’m fascinated by the strange squinting of Ian Somerhalder’s eyes or the strange manner of Johnny Depp. I admire the unique performance of Nicole Kidman and the long legs of Katya Varnava. But all this ends when the computer monitor turns off.

My man doesn’t look like a Hollywood actor, doesn’t have a perfect sense of humor, and I’m not a luxurious red-haired beast from Moulin Rouge. After all, this is life :).

That is why, if you understand that your love for an idol is developing into a pathology, I recommend using a few of our tips and recommendations. Perhaps this will not rid you of your love for the Celestial, but it will help you understand that cinema is a film, and life is a completely different film.

A good friend of mine used to be in love with the lead singer of the Yin-Yang group. It so happened that she knew him a little before his popularity. She was amazed that such a simple-looking person could achieve success in a singing career, know several languages, and have a beautiful, pumped-up body. And often from her lips I heard the phrase “Why do I need someone else? There are people in the world like the singer Ivanov.”

BUT. Singer Ivanov was an excellent result of the work of stylists and makeup artists, image makers and managers. He was taught what to say and how to look, which angle is more advantageous and which is better to hide from intrusive cameras.

This is how our idols are born - under the brushes of professionals and from under the line of real masters. And we love this image, catch every word he rehearses and long to be with such a person.

Did you know that Robert Pattinson, the idol of millions, simply hates washing his hair?! Loves to throw dirty things around the house! But the woman everyone without exception wants is Mila Kunis, who never combs her hair or wears makeup. Everyday life. When you meet her on the street, you can simply shy away - it is impossible to recognize her as a red carpet star.

Pattinson's tousled curls seem touching to us, but it turns out that this is the result of banal uncleanliness. And putting your hand through such hair is fraught. Suddenly someone bites your finger :).

Stars are ordinary people. They eat, go to the toilet and sleep with their mouths open, drooling on the pillow. And I don't see anything sexy or fantastic here. Unless it will turn you on that Brad Pitt's butt was sitting on your toilet at home :).

So. Are you tormented by your love for a star and don’t know how to overcome it?

Find the strength to stop watching these TV series and films with his participation.
Find photos on the Internet from his daily life - where he was sleeping, just woke up, picking his nose. Paparazzi often take such photos. Accept that the star of your favorite movie also likes to adjust his shorts in public places.
Read detailed interviews with the wife of this star. Yes, yes, most often they say that our idols throw their socks around and don’t want to wash their cups after themselves.
Who told you that your idol has a rich inner world? You know that they pay many tabloids money specifically for a specific article. Yes. And that column where it is written that he loves sushi, riding a yacht at sunset and singing old Irish songs with a guitar is the fantasy of journalists.
Learn to live the events of your life. Find yourself a hobby and devote time to it. Find like-minded people, friends or “brothers in mind.” Get out of the house more often and notice that the world around us is interesting, exciting and surprising.
Find yourself a man. Yes. First of all, he will not have stubble, squinting eyes and funny phrases, but as they say, “Behind every great man there is an equally great woman”! Create, sculpt, buy similar T-shirts for him and you won’t notice how much you will love HIS laughter and HIS jokes.
Now get up, look at the posters on the monitor, on the walls and take them down. It's time to grow up.

But you can also find “+” moments in love for an idol!

Perhaps, inspired by the success of some person, you can do something extraordinary yourself. Change your place of residence, stop communicating with unnecessary people, start playing sports.
Tracking fashion trends, which the Celestials learn about before us - a wonderful experience for a woman. Quickest to navigate fashionable color scheme or buy a bag, a review of which will reach your city in a couple of months - this is, of course, GUD.
The determination and efficiency that distinguishes most famous singers and actors certainly deserves respect, admiration and even partial copying.
Idols also give us the opportunity to understand that nothing is impossible. You can turn from a fat woman into a model, you can come to filming a week after giving birth, you can successfully combine your career and personal life, you can achieve a lot by being red-haired and ugly, wearing glasses or having dental plates.

I hope that your love for your idol has a rational grain and unconditional logic. That you do not love a beautiful shell, but admire the love of life and perseverance of this person.

I wonder what it is about celebrities, public figures, that excites their fans so wildly? Just think, they are even elevated to the rank of idols. And it is unlikely that this is solely for the reason that they simply like their work, be it singing, brilliant roles or a high-quality game of football. We are driven by the desire to penetrate into the smallest details of their personal life, and the more personal it is, the greater the satisfaction we experience.

To the delight of the fan army, today there is a huge, rapidly developing industry, ready to happily satisfy the demands of the public, selling them the ins and outs of the lives and “dirty laundry” of celebrities. The famous overseas glossy “People” has an audience of more than 4.5 million readers per week. Domestic publications, of course, are a little more modest in scope, but it is the “yellow press” that is the most popular today anywhere in the world. And on the Internet, the most visited resources come from this information niche. Television is not far behind, literally teeming with low-quality programs and shows about the lives of public figures, happily feeding grateful viewers another portion of sensational celebrity dirt. Our lives are catastrophically filled with gossip from all sides, and what frightens us most is that great amount people are willing to spend their time and money on it.

The worship of star figures has for some time been regarded as. This phenomenon was even given a name “ celebrity cult syndrome" - "an obsessive addiction disorder in which a person becomes involved in the details of the personal lives of celebrities." As with any mental disorder, this illness has several levels of intensity. There are fans, so to speak, non-violent ones, who just need to be aware of events to be satisfied. Active fans feel the need to be closer to the object of veneration: attending events with the participation of a star, touring cities, autographs, photographs, etc., and touching their favorite is the peak of euphoria.

Much more dangerous is the category of violent fans, among whom there are unbalanced, but at the same time harmless representatives and socially dangerous elements. World history knows a lot of cases when frantic fans committed suicide after learning something unpleasant about their celestial being. There are also sad facts when public figures suffer or even die due to the fault of inadequate fans. And although most of us are still far from such extremes, it is impossible to deny the existence of a mental deviation of this kind. By latest research British University of Liecester, 36% of residents of Foggy Albion suffer from a similar mental disorder.

Fascination with celebrities is one of the colossal means of making money. Of course, not for the fans themselves, but for the enterprising minds who make huge money from the love of fans. You don’t have to go far: everyone who has been knows how much all kinds of souvenirs and things with the performer’s attributes cost. The price is several times higher than the real cost, but they buy it, and on such a grand scale! And even without mass events, there is something to profit from: it’s enough to stick the image of a popular person on any trinket.

Many companies use big star names and faces to promote their product or service. An item advertised by a celebrity invariably gains more trust than one presented by an unknown person. Of course, the gum that the star chews for everyone to see will now be chewed by her entire army of thousands of fans.

And the celebrities themselves (or at their instigation) do not shy away from getting their hands on their fans. Personalized collections of clothes or shoes, Jewelry, perfumes, cosmetics, etc. A true fan will literally consider it his duty to acquire a thing that was lovingly created by the mind of his favorite. Even if in fact the idol only gave the go-ahead to name these sandals after him and receives a fee for it.

For what reason is a person who is lucky enough to grab a piece of the popularity pie elevated to such a high pedestal of an idol? Yes, he was a little luckier than others, but at its core, every star is an ordinary business man. He has a certain product - a song or a film, which is offered to the public. Our right to buy it or not, accept or reject, love or be indifferent. And this ordinary purchase and sale transaction carries absolutely no prerequisites for drawing a halo over your head.

It seems that a baker from a neighboring pastry shop, who bakes unsurpassed delicious buns, makes no less a contribution to our lives than, for example, a famous artist. But for some reason we don’t deify him, don’t make ideal demands on him, don’t climb into his bed with a camera and don’t clutch our heads in horror if he suddenly typed excess weight or put on a tacky apron. He does not have to be a role model; his main task is to please us. But even if at some point he offers the customer a burnt bun or decides to do something else altogether, we will just change the confectionery shop without making a tragedy out of it or inflating a sensation. He doesn't owe us anything!

So why don’t we understand that a public person is the same simple person, with a set of the same limbs and organs. Yes, famous, popular, successful, beautifully packaged, wealthy, but still a person. They live with the same ups and downs, fears and joys, successes and problems, like each of us. Our assessment of these people should lie solely in their ability to please us with their work.

Olenkas specifically for the site