All parents sincerely believe that they love their children. But sometimes you look at one family, and there the adults indulge all the children’s whims and follow the kids’ lead; you look at another family, and there the children are punished for the slightest offense and beaten. Both parents claim that they love their children. Of course they do. In my own way. But it is not a fact that such love will have a beneficial effect on the child. Rather, on the contrary, it destroys: the child’s psyche, curiosity, thirst for life, trust in parents and the world. What does it mean to truly love a child?
Secondly, then What is good for one child will be bad for another. That is why there cannot be a clear instruction “What does it mean to truly love a child.” A mother who loves her child must listen to her intuition, maternal instinct and do what is best for her child specifically. So one of my friends did not send her child to school when the time came. She decided to give it away a year later, because in her opinion, the child was neither morally nor spiritually ready for this event. Meet the child’s needs, rather than trying to show everyone around “what I am.” good mom" - this is a feat. And only a loving mother can do it.
Now about something else, Love is not only about constantly meeting a child halfway. Sometimes you need to be strict. Have willpower and endurance.
A mother who truly loves a child is always his support and support. She will always stand up for him, even if the child is wrong. And then, in private, he will educate/punish. For example, a mother is called to school and in front of the child the teacher begins to talk badly about his behavior. During recess he was making noise/running/jumping. “That’s right,” says the mother, “I’m very glad that I have such an active child. He is my athlete and I am proud of him. If his behavior is really out of the ordinary, she will then have a very serious talk with him at home. He will say that he is wrong. Or he will punish, depending on the situation, how much he was guilty. But in front of other people he will stand up for him like a mountain. Then the child will know that mother is support and support in life, she can be trusted. But a “prochukhana” can also give, so she will be an authority for the child. All this also applies to the father, simply due to the fact that most of the upbringing still falls on women’s shoulders, I’m talking more about mothers.
A mother who knows what it means to love her child acts against and in spite of, if that is how her maternal heart feels. She is not afraid of condemnation from society or misunderstanding from loved ones. The main thing for her is the well-being of the child, because God has entrusted it into her hands new life. And she has no right to make mistakes. Just love with all your heart. For real.
Zoya Sergeeva
Parent meeting “What does it mean to love your child”
Target:
1. Clarification of the concept « parental love» .
2. Analysis of behavioral norms in the family.
3. Motivation for parents to think about, What Means true love for a child.
Plan:
1. Analysis of questionnaires on the topic “What is the parental love?
2. Dispute "What means loving children?»
3. Conversation with parents about behavioral norms in the family.
1. Opening speech by the teacher.
Dear parents! Your children are like a fragile sprout reaching for the sun. They need fresh air, fertile soil and solar warmth. Fresh air for a child - this is the spirit of freedom, independence, fertile soil - traditions and customs in the family, warmth - parental understanding, care. And all this together is love for a child. This metaphor can be seen as an invitation to talk about what parental love. Let's discuss this. Can you tell me object: we don’t need this, we already we love our child We take care of him and don’t refuse him anything. But why then do children note in anonymous questionnaires that they lack parental attention and love?
Answer in one word what is most important to you in loving your child (understanding, kindness, patience, pity, attention, ability to forgive). And now I will tell you what teachers and psychologists say about this. They claim to be loving parents build relationships with children on mutual respect. Peace and kindness reign in their families. The child is happy at home, he is not afraid of parents, he is not humiliated or physically punished. Of course someone will object: “I’m not Makarenko, a child’s soul is darkness for me. Me parents beat me, and left without sweets, and didn’t break anything! And I love them no matter what.”
So should I punish or not? - you ask. If a child, after doing a bad thing, realizes that he is wrong, the best thing you can do is talk to him. Analyze what happened, express your hope that next time he will not do this. But if he persists and insists on being right, think about it - something was missing in his upbringing. Or maybe you are wrong? It happens.
Loving parents delve into the problems of children, spend time with them free time. I know families in which it is customary to go on excursions with their children, go on hikes, and make something together. The main thing is to be together, close. But it is not Means take away children's independence. Parental love gives children self-confidence, fosters goodwill towards others, sociability, and respect for elders. Understand: Everything you invest in your children today will help your child in the future. After all, it is known that favorites children live happy life, the same atmosphere of love reigns in their families as in the family parents, they will also raise their children and take care of their elderly parents. Unfortunately, such relationships in families are rare. It often happens So: father and mother love your child, but do not hesitate to quarrel in front of him. Psychologists say that a child in such a situation believes that conflicts arise because of him, that he is not loved, and begins to feel guilty. Hence the lack of self-confidence, nervousness, irritability, and the desire to leave home. A parents They are sincerely perplexed why the child has changed, because they love him so much!
There are also families in which they have almost no interest in the inner world of the child. Grief parents are outraged: their child is well-fed, has shoes, is dressed, they buy him expensive things, what else does he need? As a rule, such parents work a lot, make a career, do business, and have no time to delve into problems your child. And he experiences a feeling of loneliness, uselessness to anyone. What mistakes are made? parents in raising a child?
1. Misunderstanding of each other and unwillingness to compromise. Example: a loving father, for the sake of goodness, enrolls his son in the swimming section, but he wants to play football. But the child is forced to obey and study least favorite thing.
2. Excessive concern about the child, suppression of independence in him. Example: parents They constantly call him, asking what he is doing, while constantly reminding him what he should do.
5. And now I offer advice on how to do it right love a child:
2. Learn to understand each other, try to get the child to have a frank conversation.
3. Parents must accept the child as he is, without exaggerating his successes and shortcomings.
Practical part: a game "Complements" (participants take turns saying pleasant words to each other)
A game "Two with one marker"(players are divided into pairs. Holding one felt-tip pen in your hands, you need to draw a picture).
Final word.
Dear parents! Today we talked about true and false love for a child. Remember yourself as a child more often, try to put yourself in his place. Draw serious conclusions about what means loving your child.
It depends on us how our child. Real actions are what shape behavior child, not words and moral teachings.
V. Berestov
We love you for no particular reason.
Because you are a grandson, because you are a son,
For being a baby, for growing up,
Because he looks like mom and dad,
And this love until the end of your days
It will remain your secret support.
Ten Commandments for parents
1. Don't expect it to be yours the child will be like this like you, or like you want. Help him become not you, but himself.
2. Don't demand from baby pays for everything what you did for him. You gave him life - how can he thank you? He will give life to another, and then to a third, and this is an irreversible law of gratitude.
3. Don't take it out on your child's grievances so that in old age you don’t eat bitter bread. For whatever you sow, that will come back.
4. Don't look down on his problems. Life is given to everyone according to their strength, and rest assured that it is no less difficult for him than for you, and perhaps more so, since he has no experience.
5. Don't humiliate!
6. Don’t forget that a person’s most important meetings are with his children. Pay more attention to them - we can never know who we meet in child.
7. Don't torture yourself if you can't do something for your child. Torment if you can, but don’t. Remember: For child Not enough has been done unless everything has been done.
8. A child is not a tyrant, which takes over your entire life, not just the fruit of flesh and blood. This is the precious cup that Life has given you to store and develop creative fire within. This is the liberated love of a mother and father, who will not grow "our", "mine" child, but a soul given for safekeeping.
9. Be smart love someone else's child. Never do to someone else what you would not want done to yours.
10. Love your child anyone - untalented, unlucky, adults. When dealing with him, rejoice, because baby is a holiday, who is still with you.
MOMS and DADS
Be parent means go through the great school of patience. We should remember simple truth:
For us, children should not be potential athletes, musicians or intellectuals, but simply children.
If we have them love no matter, whether they behave badly or well, then children are more likely to get rid of the habits that irritate us.
If we will love them only then, when they are satisfied, it will cause insecurity in them and become a brake on their development.
If our love is unconditional, unconditional, children will get rid of intrapersonal conflict and learn self-criticism.
If we don’t learn to enjoy children’s successes, children will feel incompetent and become convinced that trying is useless—demanding parents always need more, how child can.
Remember: vices no child is born, but are brought up. A true pointer is not a fist, but a caress. Good things take years to learn, but bad things only take an hour.
Psychologies:
Julia Gippenreiter: This means satisfying one of his most important needs. Every person, regardless of age, needs to be loved, understood, recognized, respected, so that he feels needed. And a child without love simply cannot develop normally. And how he will perceive himself throughout his life - his self-esteem - largely depends on how satisfied his need for love is.
What does parental love give him, why is it important?
Small child still doesn’t know anything about himself, he sees himself the way his loved ones see him. With every address to a child - a word, intonation, gesture, even silence - we tell him something about him. From repeated signs of approval, love and acceptance, the child develops the feeling “I am good”, and from signals of condemnation, displeasure, criticism - the feeling “there is something wrong with me”, “I am bad”. The child perceives punishment as the message “You are bad!”, criticism - “You can’t!”, inattention - “I don’t care about you” or even “I don’t love you.”
Therefore, while caring about the child’s safety, his upbringing, and academic success, we must be aware of what message we are sending him now. How younger child, the stronger the influence of the information he receives from us. Fortunately, with young children, parents are usually more affectionate and attentive. But as a child grows up, we strive more and more to “educate” him and often do not think about how much he needs our warmth, acceptance and approval. We just don't focus on how we speak to children. But they always understand us literally, and the tone in which the words are spoken is more important to them than the meaning. If the tone is harsh, angry, even simply stern, the child concludes: “They don’t like me,” “They don’t need me.”
Are children so unsure of our attitude towards them?
Yes, not sure. They count any manifestations of our love, they have their own emotional accounting. They compare all the time: “My brother gave me a flower - my mother was happy, I gave it - I was less happy”, “My mother loves my dad more than me”, “The guests spilled tea, my mother said - it’s okay, but I spilled it - they scolded me”...
They really lack external “signals” of love. But a positive attitude towards oneself is the basis of a person’s psychological survival. Therefore, the child is constantly looking for our love, fighting for it, looking for confirmation that he is good.
So how can parents express their love?
Say more kind words: “I feel good with you”, “I’m glad to see you”, “It’s good that you came”, “I like how you…”, “I missed you”, “It’s so good that you have there are us." Don’t forget to hug the child, caress him, touch him. American family therapist Virginia Satir recommended hugging a child several times a day, saying that every person needs four hugs simply for survival, and for good health, at least eight hugs a day are needed.
To love not “because he...” or “if he...”, but simply because he exists.
Children have a need to “recharge” with our love: for example, a very small child who has just learned to walk returns to his mother, clings to her lap - and goes on to play and explore the world. And he is not afraid, because he is sure: his mother is here, not far away, she loves him and can protect him. With age, the forms of “recharging” change: family tea drinking, reading before bed, just talking, sitting together... These family rituals are necessary for a child to feel: we are together.
But what about education? Hug, praise - and not scold for bad deeds, not punish if he has done something?
Unfortunately, many parents are sure that the main (if not the only) educational means are rewards and punishments, carrots and sticks. But education is not training, and parents do not exist to develop conditioned reflexes in children. First of all, you need to build a human relationship with your child. Before raising him, criticizing him or punishing him for actions that we don’t like, we need to learn to unconditionally accept the child.
Mom tells her daughter: “If you are a good girl, I will love you.” But love is not a commodity or money. For psychological well-being, a child needs confidence that our love is not evaluative and does not depend on any conditions. We love him not “because he...” and not “only if he...”, but simply because he exists. Only against the background of unconditional acceptance is everything else possible: education, negotiation, establishing discipline, even punishing, if the need arises.
Can there be too much parental love?
The question is what we mean by the word “love”. Janusz Korczak wrote: “It depends on the mother whether she will give the child a breast or an udder.” What does it mean to “give an udder”? This is precisely too much love, but one that is not good for you. After all, while raising a child, we help him become a human being, that is, we teach him to be guided not only by instincts and the desire to have fun. We cannot help but put restrictions on him that are necessary for his own good.
We invest all our strength and resources into it... To release it into life
But some parents find it difficult to do this - they are afraid of upsetting the child and are ready to satisfy any of his desires to make him feel good. However, in fact, they do not help him become a person, they “give him an udder”: they fill him with tenderness that is pleasant to them, cram food into him, protect him from cold, heat, heat, germs, bad influences, they get into his life with obsessive care and anxiety. When a child is not seen as a person with his own independent needs, deserving attention and respect, but is seen only as his blind devotion to him, as his animal feeling, this is not at all the love he needs. true love To a child - responsible, respectful and friendly - there is never too much.
You talk about love for a child as a separate concept. How does this feeling differ from its other types, for example, from love between adults?
Yes, love for a child is a very special kind of feeling. We cannot love him as we love a man or a woman, if only because we will never have complete possession of the child. In addition, we love him, knowing that sooner or later he will leave us to start his own family (and the very idea that our beloved husband or wife will leave us is unacceptable to us).
We invest all our strength and resources into the child... to let him go into an independent life. Although there are many different sides to “adult” love: in addition to, for example, sexual, there is also a purely human one. Only in this sense, the relationship between a man and a woman and the relationship between a parent and a child are not fundamentally different: it is the same interaction between two people.
What is important in the human aspect of the relationship between an adult and a child?
This is understanding, respect for the individual, trust. Some parents are afraid to open up and talk about how they feel. They avoid trusting relationships for fear of losing their authority. But when we express our feelings openly and sincerely, children see that we are real people too - and, in turn, begin to trust us.
In my book I give an example, a letter from one mother, who, seeing that her son was missing his father, said: “I see that it’s hard for you without your dad, and it’s hard for me too. If you had a dad and I had a husband, life would be much more interesting for us.” The mother trusted the boy with her experience, both felt better and became closer. Have you become closer as a man and a woman? Of course not. How are mother and child? Also no. Who then? Just like two people. In fact, first of all, you need to be friends with your child. Yes, he is younger than us, he knows less, he has less experience, we are responsible for him. But he is our friend.
Try closing your eyes and imagine that you are meeting your best friend or a girlfriend. How do you show that you are happy with him, that he is dear and close to you? Now imagine that this is your child: he comes home from school, and you show that you are glad to see him. Introduced? Then try to actually do it. Don't be afraid that you will "ruin" it in these minutes. This is simply impossible.
About the expert
Julia Gippenreiter- doctor psychological sciences, professor at the Faculty of Psychology of Moscow State University, author of the bestseller “Communicate with a Child. How?".
What does it mean to love children?
A child can be compared to a mirror. He reflects love, but does not love first. How a child will perceive himself throughout his life - his self-esteem - largely depends on how satisfied his need for love is. A small child still does not know anything about himself; he sees himself as his loved ones see him. With every address to the child - a word, intonation, gesture, even silence - parents tell him something about him. From signs of approval, love and acceptance, the child gets the feeling “I am good”, and from signals of condemnation, displeasure, criticism - the feeling “there is something wrong with me”, “I am bad”. The child perceives punishment as the message “You are bad!”, criticism - “You can’t!”, inattention - “I don’t care about you” or even “I don’t love you.” Therefore, when caring about the child’s safety, his upbringing, and academic success, you need to be aware of what message is being sent to him in communication. The younger the child, the stronger the influence of the information he receives from others.
Some parents are afraid to open up and talk about how they feel. They avoid trusting relationships for fear of losing their authority. But when parents express their feelings openly and sincerely, children see that they, too, are real people - and, in turn, begin to trust their feelings. Understanding, respect for the individual, trust are the most important things in the relationship between a child and an adult.
Ways of expressing love for a child can be classified into four types: eye contact, physical contact, close attention and discipline. Each area is fundamentally important. Many parents focus on one or two areas and neglect others, making a huge mistake.
1.Eye contact. An open, natural, friendly look directly into the child's eyes is essential not only for establishing good communication interaction with him, but also for satisfying his emotional needs. Although we do not realize it, we use eye contact as the main means of conveying our feelings, including love, especially to children. The child uses eye contact with parents (and other people) for emotional nourishment. The more often parents look at the child, trying to express their love to him, the more he is saturated with this love and the fuller his emotional tank. If your gaze constantly expresses love and goodwill, the child will learn to look at people as well. If they only try to express sternness and irritation with their gaze, the child will learn to have the same reaction. The child even begins to learn better if his emotional needs are met. A gentle look and a gentle, reassuring touch can reduce a child's anxiety and fears, and increase his sense of security and self-confidence.
2. Physical contact. Most parents touch their children only when necessary: helping them get dressed, get into the car, etc. Speaking about physical contact does not mean that it is necessary to kiss, hug - just any physical contact: touch the arm, hug the shoulders, stroke the head, pat their hair, jokingly bump into each other, etc. When interacting with children every day loving look and age-appropriate gentle touch are absolutely essential. They should be natural, have a calming effect on the child, and not be demonstrative or excessive.
3. Close attention. What does close attention mean? This means that the parent focuses completely on the child, without being distracted by any little things, so that the child does not doubt for a moment his complete, unconditional love for him. He should feel like an important and significant person who can be appreciated; he must be confident in his right to undivided, genuine interest, attention and attentiveness, caring concentration and interest in him at this moment. Awareness of this is vital in developing a child's self-esteem. And this deeply affects the child's ability to interact with and love other people. Most The best way to do this is to be alone with the child. If you have several children, you need to find time to be alone with each child.
4. Discipline. Many parents believe that discipline means punishment (for some, spanking). But in fact, love and discipline cannot be separated, and punishment is a very small part of discipline. Discipline is, first of all, a worthy example of adults, modeling a situation, verbal and written instructions, training, providing the child with the opportunity to learn on his own and gain various life experiences, including the ability to relax. When a child is confident that his parents understand everything he is trying to communicate, that they are aware of his feelings, thoughts and desires, he will be much more willing to respond positively to disciplinary demands. This does not mean that you need to give in to the child’s demands or whims, it means that you need to fully focus on communicating with him at this moment, so that the child does not get the feeling that the parent is simply insisting on his own, using his authority, and neglecting his thoughts and feelings. In this case, the child learns a very important skill: the ability to negotiate, respect the point of view of another and seek compromises.
How to express love for a child? Tips for parents:
· Say more kind words:“I feel good with you”, “I’m glad to see you”, “It’s good that you’re here”, “I like how you…”, “I missed you”, “It’s good that you we have".
· Hug your baby several times a day: Every person needs four hugs simply for survival, and for good health you need at least eight hugs a day to feel: we are together.
· Accept your child unconditionally: don’t say: “If you are a good girl (boy), I will love you.” After all, love is not a commodity. For psychological well-being, a child needs confidence that parental love is not evaluative and does not depend on any conditions. Love your child not “because he…” and not “only if he…”, but simply because he exists. Only against the background of unconditional acceptance is everything else possible: education, negotiation, establishing discipline, even punishing, if the need arises.
· Be friends with your child: p Capture his inner world, feelings and share your feelings, your world. Form in your child a positive position towards himself and other people around him: I am “+”, YOU are “+”: after all, a person who is not aware of his own value and at the same time neglects the value of others can commit actions that are undesirable for himself and those around him, because he is indifferent to their consequences.
It is necessary to show your child that you consider him a worthy person:
It is important to really listen carefully to the child when he speaks - first listen, and then punish;
It is important to avoid physical punishment;
It is important to control your anger - violent manifestations of indignation, especially uncontrolled outbursts of anger and rage, at first very frighten the child. But the child grows, and when the parents too often lose control of themselves, falling into anger and rage, this gradually undermines his respect for his parents and, at the same time, gradually kindles his own evil tendencies of intemperance, anger and malice.
The material was prepared based on the book
R. Campbell “How to Really Love Children.”
Now he loves another and, if she has children, will be able to take care of them as tenderly as if they were his own. And if it’s normal, and it should be MUCH better, then what was is bad. Again new family, I want children, my new wife gave birth.
When (half a century ago) a child died in a family, they said about him: God gave, God took. The eldest lives in a world where adults love and care for children. Therefore, it will be much better for the child and his mother if the mother forgives the grandmother for the mistakes she once made, as if...
Section: PR for children / PR results (children need a family that will take care of them). He speaks well, loves to recite rhymes and sing songs. Teenagers who want to join a family. Children's PR/PR results.
Children absorb everything from the environment like a sponge." Then it turns out that you do not give the child any assessments (“he ate poorly,” “behaved well,” “clever.” Dad is the one you can rely on, who loves the child, broadcasts and receives respect from all family members.
The main idea is if you love your child and want to make him happy, so that the child knows that his family will protect him. Not to be confused with permissiveness and “I don’t forbid my child anything.” Certainly! It’s better to leave nannies and older children and men!
From “I forgot my name” to “they are family friends.” My current friend loves and cares for his son from his first marriage unconditionally - for him, a son is a son. After the divorce, my BM was inflamed with love for children. although it seems to me that he needs them for his image, like what a good person he is. but...
What does it mean to love a child? Girls, I'm deeply confused! And so he kicked back the blanket, and the mother pounced on him: “What are you doing, YOU FREAK?!”, and let’s beat the child... Yes, it’s probably better that she send the child to a boarding school, it’s better about him there "will take care"...
Does he willingly give his hand to any stranger on the street and is ready to go with him anywhere? If it is known that blood family cannot or does not want to care for the child, and the child The beginnings of attachment are laid as the child develops reactions to the people around him.
Surround the cogon. care. 4. cares of whom, meaning. prepositions with gender n. Thanks to someone. effort, effort. I love children very much. I feel that I have the strength to give love and care to a child. There is an urgent need to take care of the child.
“We are still learning to understand and love each other,” says Yulia Stavrova-Skripnik, “But I know one thing: every child needs a family. Without care, support and understanding, without us, our children would now live and develop completely differently. Family provides support."
