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There is a certain stereotype that a large family is most often dysfunctional, and the mother, according to the “law of the genre,” is a kind of driven horse with disheveled hair and a dull look. And the “experts” also add that, they say, you really don’t care when you have to cope with three (or more) children. So, “performance” does not depend on the number of children - I would even say that with three I manage more than before with one. In the morning, a friend, the mother of one child, called me and complained that she had not gotten enough sleep, that she did not have the strength to clean the house. She asked what I was doing. It was 10 o'clock, and by that time I had escorted the elders into the garden, washed the floor in the apartment, started the machine wash three times, cooked soup for lunch, baked cottage cheese balls for the children for the evening, marinated chicken for my husband for dinner, sorted out the bathroom cabinet, fed the baby , ordered a gift for my son’s birthday and wrote 3000 characters of a new article. My friend was perplexed: “How do you manage to do all this?!..”
So, how can a mother with many children manage everything?
- Planning. Every month I make a grid plan where the main activities are written, including family trips, children's clubs, doctor's visits, etc. for each week. If “windows” suddenly appear, I have a list of tasks of minor importance at hand. I also plan the menu in a way that is convenient for me: for example, on Wednesdays and Fridays we have various vegetable dishes, Tuesday and Thursday we have fish in various variations, on Mondays and Saturdays we have meat or chicken, and on Sunday we traditionally bake pizza or pies. Activities with children are also planned weekly: on Tuesday we sculpt from plasticine, on Thursday we draw with paints.
- Daily regime. We observe it strictly, so many things have become habits even among children, for example, brushing their teeth before bed, a walk after afternoon tea (on days off), and Sunday service. At 21.30 the children are asleep, and I can take a bath, chat with my husband and get a good night’s sleep, and at 7 am I don’t have to wake up my children for a long time, because they wake up by then. At one time I was not able to organize meals according to the clock, but spending hours in the kitchen with the goal of “giving the liver”, “pour some water”, “cutting off an apple” finally got tired of me: I eliminated snacks altogether (only fruit and only at the appointed time), and I made a meal schedule.
- Process optimization. This applies to routines, cleaning and cooking. Getting my husband ready for work and older children for kindergarten takes no more than half an hour: on Fridays I iron and hang 5 sets of clothes for each, and on weekdays I don’t have to deal with this issue; I pack a snack for my husband for work in the evening, and prepare breakfast in the morning for 5-7 minutes, or use the delayed start mode in the multicooker. After my elders and husband leave, I wash the floor, dismantle hotspots and clean a certain area using the Fly Lady system. At that time washing machine washes clothes, dishwasher washes dishes.
- Child to help. I never do household chores when the child is sleeping - this is my personal time, time for rest or sleep. If the baby bothers me, I involve him in my activities: I wipe the floor and give him a cloth, I dismantle the shelves and give him a box of toys: if he doesn’t want to clean, let him play. The older children have their own responsibilities: the son wipes down the kitchen cabinets and puts cutlery in the drawer, the daughter takes the laundry off the dryer and tidies up the table.
- Organization of children. After arriving home, take off your shoes and outerwear and hang it on a hanger (I also help my daughter), wash my hands; after eating, put the dishes in the dishwasher; After the game, put all the toys in the drawers, etc.
- Delegation of responsibilities. A neighbor takes my eldest son to preparatory courses for school, and it is much easier for me to pay her a small fee than to ride back and forth with the baby on public transport. Every Saturday my husband buys groceries from the list I made while the kids and I prepare family dinner.
- Minimization of absorbers. I once calculated that Internet surfing consumes about 2 hours a day of my time. This time can be spent watching a movie, reading a book or taking care of yourself, which is more useful than aimlessly wandering the Internet.
- Rest and sleep. If I don't get enough sleep at night, then during the baby's nap I also go to bed. If I don't feel well, then I rest, rather than cleaning, overcoming myself. My good health is the key to the well-being of my family.
- Inspiration. I devote half an hour a day to reading interesting book or your hobby, i.e. I do something for myself personally, so I don’t have the feeling that I live only for children. Children are not an obstacle to personal development; on the contrary, with their birth the sphere of interests expands, and many mothers begin to paint masterpieces, bake delicious cakes or do patchwork.
- Childless time. My firm belief is that a mother should have time when she takes a break from her children. Once a week, even if only for a couple of hours, I leave the house alone. Whether I go to visit a friend or to a cosmetics store is not so important. I have time to unwind and come back rested.
And the last important afterword. I don’t have time to do EVERYTHING, it’s impossible, but I manage to do what I consider important. That is why I do not iron my bed linen, but carefully straighten it while drying and then put it away in the closet with a clear conscience. “Everyone chooses for himself...”, as in the verse by Yu. Levitansky.
This is the first thing a mother of many children should think about. By setting your priorities correctly, you can get rid of a lot of problems and nervous tension. Mom needs to think about what is more important at a certain time: making another plasticine figure with the kids or cleaning the apartment.
Of course, children are the main thing, but you can’t deal with children’s problems around the clock. Mom should have a clear to-do list for the day. It is quite possible that it is not at all necessary to do the cleaning on this particular day.
In fact, half of household chores can be postponed or rescheduled. It is best to set aside a couple of days a week for household tasks, devoting the rest of the time to the kids.
Getting rid of distractions
A huge problem today is distractions. This group includes various gadgets, TV, Internet access.
The World Wide Web, numerous TV series and films distract you from everyday affairs, dragging you into your swamp. If you get rid of all distractions, you can get a lot more done. And mindlessly spend time watching a movie or flipping through a tape in social network You can do it in the evening, when the children have already gone to bed.
Time management
In any family, the mother is responsible for the children and everyday life. And in a large family, the number of mother’s affairs is multiplied by the number of children. She has to keep track of children's clothes, classes, section schedules, important information from kindergarten or school. All this is very difficult to keep in mind.
In order to organize your plans, it is worth making a list of tasks. A regular diary or spreadsheet on a computer is suitable for this. You need to enter all your tasks, marking them as “important” and “urgent”. You also need to remember that there are important things to do, but they can be done in a couple of days. Everything will be recorded in the diary, which will help you organize your time and plan your day.
Cleaning a large house
Cleaning takes a lot of time and effort from mom. But if you devote at least 15-20 minutes a day to this activity, you will not have to regularly carry out general cleaning in the apartment, spending several hours on it. After all, it is much easier to wipe the stove immediately after finishing the cooking process than to scrub off burnt fat after a couple of days.
Mom should take a look around. Most likely, the apartment has a lot of trinkets and excess garbage that you can get rid of right away. For example, a mountain of magazines on a table in the hallway has long been of no value; all the information has been studied. There is no point in storing it.
Numerous bottles on the shelves in the bathroom are also subject to revision: some may have expired. You can throw away empty cream jars immediately after your shower. This takes 2 minutes, but in the future when spring cleaning you can save 15-20 minutes.
Various figurines and cute trinkets should also be put away for a while. These are real dust collectors that have to be cleaned. In addition, if there are no things dear to your heart on the shelves, you can entrust dusting to a child.
Cooking
All housewives have their own cooking secrets. There are also quick dishes that take minimal time to prepare. But the favorite in a large family with many children is still a multi-liter pot of soup for several days in advance.
This is correct and helps you organize your time. After spending one day preparing the soup and the main course, all that remains is to prepare breakfast.
In addition, a couple of times a month you should devote time to homemade preparations: make cutlets, dumplings, dumplings, cut vegetables, and put it all in the freezer. When you need to cook something, just open the refrigerator and take out the prepared ingredients.
Also for mother of many children It is very important to have good “helpers” on hand to make cooking easier. Multicookers, microwave ovens, bread makers - anything that will reduce cooking time.
Sections, circles
Mothers strive to organize their children's leisure time. This is sometimes difficult, even when there are only two children. And when there are three or four of them, visiting the sections turns into a real nightmare. To avoid this, you need to think through everything wisely.
You should find out what leisure centers are nearby and what activities they offer. It is quite possible that all children will be able to go to the same place and at the same time. For example, the eldest child will be able to attend a robotics club in the evenings, the middle child will be able to attend the gymnastics section at the same time, and the youngest will be able to stay with his mother.
If there is no such center near your home, or not all clubs are interesting, you should look for hobbies as close to home as possible. Now many schools have different sections, and the path from one educational institution the other is only a few minutes away. Other mothers, forums or the Internet will tell you about such activities.
Calm mom
The situation in the family depends on the calmness of the mother. And in order for a woman to remain calm, she needs good rest. This is especially true for mothers with infants, who often wake up at night.
Of course, a woman can cope with lack of sleep and not sleep for a day, and sometimes more. However, this quality of life is reflected in mood and well-being. A broken, sad mother who takes out negativity on her loved ones cannot give her children much. Therefore, sleep and rest must be the main point in the routine of a mother with many children.
Another side of almost any woman is to think about all the existing and non-existent problems. Women tend to overthink themselves and think about what could happen in this or that case.
All this is mentally exhausting, as a result the woman becomes depressed and is in nervous tension. You should make it a rule to think only about pressing problems, about what needs to be done and solved in the near future.
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1. Learn to calm down
The situation in the family largely depends on the mother’s mood: the calmer she is, the fewer scandals. But life is not ideal, and we are not robots. Larisa Surkova advises breathing in cycles during a stressful situation: take 3 deep breaths and 3 deep exhales, it is important to breathe loudly.
Or try chewing, it doesn’t matter what exactly, the main thing is to make chewing movements with your jaw: this good way for the brain to distract itself in the moment. Rinse your mouth cold water or jump on one leg: such methods will help you control yourself and not say too much.
2. Tell your child about your love more often
It often seems to us that our love is already obvious to the child, because we walk with him, give him toys, read books before bed... But It is important for every child to hear that he is loved, and there cannot be too many such words. This is especially important when a second child appears in the family: the first-born often lacks love and attention, and jealousy appears.
During this period, a mother’s love should not be shared, but multiplied. Take time to explain to your child that you do not love him less, listen to him. Try to find time to be alone with each of the children doing their favorite activity, do not be afraid to “out-love” them. This will help children avoid jealousy and grow up affectionate and loving.
3. Don’t sort things out with your child before bedtime.
Yes, it is very difficult to restrain your emotions when your child has made you angry and everything inside is boiling with anger. But negative emotions are not the best advisor. Even if your child’s behavior has greatly upset you, you should still postpone conversations about serious topics until the morning.
Conflicts and Quarrels before bedtime cause children to fear loneliness and bring a feeling of uselessness. And before going to bed, teenagers come up with all sorts of stupid things that, unfortunately, they can put into practice the next morning.
4. Don’t subject your life to your children.
Being a parent is one of the most important roles in life, but not the only one. Don’t forget about yourself: don’t push your interests to the back burner, don’t wait for better times, live a rich life with your children.
Do what you want: sign up for a dance class, read your favorite book, go to a cafe with your friends. We can devote our whole lives to the pursuit of the ideal, but perfectionism will not make us happier. Give yourself the right to rest without remorse, take breaks, enjoy life: all this prevents you from getting stuck in a routine and helps to charge our “battery”.
As they say, a happy mother has happy children.
5. Let children be in charge of their own lessons. It may not be easy, but it is still worth putting responsibility for school in the child's hands. Start of studies - best time to teach him responsibility and independence. A constant control
It is necessary to explain to children that they themselves need education first of all. Otherwise, it may happen that, once you take on this burden, you will carry it all your life. It is important for parents to give their child more freedom, entrust him with more tasks and be sure to believe that he will succeed. After all, even a 7-year-old son and daughter can do a lot of things themselves.
6. Show your feelings in front of your children.
It is important for children to see their parents not only as dad and mom, but also as loving spouses. It's great if you find time to date, look after each other, hug, kiss, and give gifts. If parents are happy together, the children are only better off.
7. Give boys the opportunity to show masculinity, but don’t scold them for “girly” emotions
Usually the leading role in raising boys belongs to the father, but a lot also depends on the mother. Try to ask your son for help more often, because even a 3-year-old child can be given a bottle of milk and asked to carry it home. Let your child know that you appreciate his help and thank him for it. You will see how pleasant it will be for him too.
Do not forbid boys to cry, support them, instill in the child confidence that he will be able to cope with difficulties and everything will work out. Teach a boy to take care of himself and do housework: this will make him more self-confident, and in the future it will help him find the woman he loves, not a housekeeper.
8. Don't punish, but encourage
Rewards are much more effective than punishments. Children really enjoy emotional rewards - fishing, going to an exhibition or having a picnic. Such activities motivate children well to study, and it will also give them many vivid impressions that they will remember for the rest of their lives.
Do not abuse punishments, beware of shouting, exclude physical punishment. If such methods work, then only at first, but over time they become habitual and begin to cause only harm: they cause negative emotions and lead to the development of neuroses in the child.
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Set the same daily routine for all children
Famous Hollywood actor Alec Baldwin and his wife Hilaria have three children: three-year-old Carmen, two-year-old Rafael and little Leonardo, born on September 12, 2016. Alec’s wife readily talks on her social network page about how she manages to cope with three kids, each of whom requires one hundred percent of her mother’s attention. Her biggest secret is that the daily routine of all children should be the same.
“When you have one child, everything is fine - all your attention is focused on him. When there are many of them, it is a team, so they must do everything together. If you try to make each child live according to their own schedule, you are guaranteed to be constantly stressed,” Hilaria.
Involve children in putting their siblings to bed
Not all children can be easily and quickly put to sleep during the day. Mother of four children Anna Ananova knows this like no one else. She had to try a lot different ways before she found the most effective one.
“We decided not to force the baby. If you don't want to sleep, that's fine. And in the evening, when the child was freaking out out of nowhere, when he was very tired, when he wanted to sleep, they meticulously said that, son, this is all because your body did not rest during the day, it has little strength, and so on. Next time you go to bed during the day, and then in the evening we can still read, and sculpt, and so on before going to bed. I’ll tell you – it works 100%, even with a two-year-old,” she said.
Another, according to Anna, time-tested way of putting children to sleep during the day is to ask for help: “I tell the baby: “Son, I want to sleep, please put me to bed, hold my hand for about five minutes.” And if you need to put everyone to bed at the same time, then you can say this: “Please help me put Alena to bed: pretend to be asleep, and then she will look at you and fall asleep.” It always works!”
Face it, you are not a supermom.
Of course, it’s nice to consider yourself an independent mother and proudly say that you handle everything yourself, but most often this is good and simple only in theory. Actress Olga Lomonosova, a mother, realized from her own experience that it is very difficult without the help of a nanny or grandmother.
“At first we tried to cope on our own. But one day, when Varya was about five months old, I went to audition for Mosfilm. Pasha called me (husband of the actress. – Ed.) and said: “Do what you want, but be at home! Varya needs breasts.” I ran home in horror, by this time Pasha had already calmed the baby down. After this story, we realized that we needed a nanny. We contacted agencies, but we came across such strange people there. One day Lilya came to us. She sat down on the sofa and said: “I’ve never been a nanny, but I have two children of my own.” Somehow we were lucky that Lilya is still with us. But we were looking for a nanny for a very long time,” she shared.
The older the child gets, the more you can give him instructions to do something himself: tidy up the toys before guests arrive, wipe the dust on the shelf or help with cooking (for example, sorting out buckwheat or rice). Be prepared that at first you will have to redo everything, but still, all the efforts of the child must be encouraged and never help him until he asks for it himself.
Order groceries to your home
Often, a trip between a mother and her children to the supermarket turns into a real ordeal: one cries because they didn’t buy him a toy, the other is tired, the third is completely lost from sight, and then you still have to carry huge bags of groceries home - not everyone has a car... To avoid This way, you can simplify the task and order groceries online – with home delivery.
“I often (especially when my husband is not at home) order groceries online for delivery. “I save time and don’t carry heavy loads,” a mother of many children shared her advice with the Komsomolskaya Pravda newspaper. – This is probably not original advice, but why then in supermarkets do I still see families with children for whom grocery shopping turns into torture? A cart full of children, milk, toilet paper, everyone is falling, everyone is running away, everyone is nervous... 5 minutes - click on necessary products, then open the door for the courier for another 5 minutes. Milk, cereals and baby food You can order by the box and not think about it for a month.”
Tatyana Orlova with her son
“I sacrifice perfect order. We do regular cleaning, but constantly “polishing” is pointless if there are a lot of children. So for reasons of convenience, the house does not necessarily have to be sterilely clean. I have access to creative materials, and from time to time someone gets dirty in them, but it’s not at all difficult to wash a child, kiss him and let him go on to play,” Tatyana.
And finally, simple and useful recommendation many experienced mothers. They advise: the best way to maintain order in an apartment with children is to spend as little time there as possible. For example, if you have to spend the whole day at home with the whole group, then try to go for a walk at least twice for at least two hours. We woke up, had breakfast, played and went outside. Then: we ate, slept, had an afternoon snack - and went for a walk again. After returning, have dinner, swim and sleep. Thus, there will be benefits for the children - they will spend a lot of time on fresh air, and the house will remain in order much longer.
What parenting tricks do you use? Tell us in the comments.
