Aggressive behavior and stubbornness are not only a type of negative and hostile disorder of social relationships, but also assertion of one's right to protection from interference or insult from others. A stubborn and aggressive child usually tends to get into quarrels with adults, who often neglect his dignity, scold him, and tend to easily give vent to anger or aggression. Our psychologist will tell you what to do if you have an aggressive child.

What to do if a child is aggressive?

It is very important that the therapist pays more attention to working with parents, since their behavior has a direct impact on children. All participants in the therapeutic process must understand the purpose of treatment and their own opinion guide you to achieve better results.

Experts are unanimous that antisocial disorders, including if the child is aggressive, more often arise in families where parental behavior knows no boundaries. Oppositional behavior is also common among hyperactive children. In these cases, successful treatment of hyperactivity usually relieves other behavioral problems.

For children whose oppositional behavior is not associated with hyperactivity, the basis of treatment is therapeutic work with the child and his family. Parents must learn to behave correctly and understand that they should abandon negative conclusions regarding children who protest against rude parental behavior.

Most aggressive children are likely to believe that their behavior is acceptable and effective. Young children constantly test their surroundings through action because they cannot clearly express their intentions in words. If allowed, they express their irritation by throwing toys around or throwing them at their playmates, who respond in kind. Children are soft and indecisive by nature, deeply perceive the teachings of adults, and when a similar situation is repeated, they stop supporting the aggressive behavior of other children.

Particularly harmful is an inconsistent response to a child's aggression, which is sometimes punished and sometimes ignored. Children cannot understand the meaning of such contradictory behavior of adults. The frustration that arises in such cases can further lead to aggressive behavior.

How to behave during a child's attack of aggression

To cope with a child’s aggression, it is necessary to establish and maintain contact with him. Eye contact is an important medicine in giving love to your child. With eye contact, you look favorably at the baby, and the child looks at you.

Visual contact with him is light and normal, such as when you look at a baby who smiles back at you. True, it can be very difficult.

When your child is angry with you and noisily expresses his own rage, and you have problems and you feel that one more drop - and your patience will burst, then you don’t even want to think about looking lovingly into his eyes. But you need to do this for yourself and the child. Since this is extremely difficult, you will need to talk to yourself during your child's indignant outbursts. That is, calm yourself down.

This will undoubtedly help not to lose self-control, even in a state of anger. When you are angry, it is difficult to convince yourself of this. However, this is the only method to teach him to control his own rage. This conversation with yourself will undoubtedly help you establish friendly visual contact with him at this difficult, fundamental moment.

Despite the actions of an aggressive child, contact really works. If your child is staring at you relentlessly, you may want to look away. But avoiding eye contact will only increase his rage.

Of course, under no circumstances should you take your anger out on him. Children perceive this more strongly than mental or physical pain.

Physical contact

When an aggressive child does not want to make visual contact, that is, physical contact. Studies demonstrate that few children have quite a lot of such contacts that can replenish their emotionality. When everything is great and nice, then it is perceived by both children and parents as a merit. In difficult days, physical contact becomes salvation.

When a child is angry, he is so absorbed in his thoughts that he becomes disoriented and unaware of what is happening around him. During such periods, gentle, light, quick touches help. True, if an aggressive child is still angry with you, then it is better to do without physical contact until he calms down.

Every child needs time. Moreover, devote a lot of time to him so that he knows that he is the most important person for you all over the world. To cope with a child’s anger, you first need to know what he is like. And then apply characteristic methods.

“My daughter is four and a half years old. In the last few weeks, I began to notice her aggressive behavior (in kindergarten she bit and pinched a girl, and she often comes in with bruises). At home we talked about it, and a couple of days later it happened again.

When you start to explain to her that this is not good, she covers her ears with her hands and says: “That’s enough, I understand everything,” but then it all starts again. The child is aggressive, stubborn, and often pretends not to hear when I call her or ask her to do something.

Even in early childhood she showed independence and autonomy, but now she only wears what she chooses. Hyperactive, not a minute in place and not a minute of silence, although this is not bad. But her aggression and stubbornness are very worrying about how to cope with this, to cope, and not to fight. We tried, but nothing helps, it gets worse... Lala Grigoriadis.”

What to do if you have an aggressive child, psychologist Elena Poryvaeva answers:

The ability to stand up for oneself is, in general, useful for children, including girls; however, you describe slightly different behavior - first of all, quite inappropriate. For example, you say that a girl comes home from kindergarten with bruises - and does not draw any conclusions from this, continuing to do exactly the same.

This means that there is some kind of stimulus that provokes and even forces her to behave this way. Do not forget that children are a kind of barometer of the weather in the house, that is, a mirror reflecting relationships in the family, primarily between significant adults.

In your case, the girl is non-communicative even in relation to her parents - when they try to tell her something, she covers her ears, etc. An aggressive child cannot sit quietly because... Pay attention to your behavior... Ask, maybe something provokes your daughter to behave this way in kindergarten...

Many parents, trying to eradicate any hint of the existence of aggression in their child, most often deal with superficial symptoms and ignore the root of the problem. As a result, the situation worsens even more.

Causes of childhood aggression

Often aggression is a consequence of frustration when one or another need of the child is not satisfied. A child who experiences hunger, lack of sleep, poor health, feels less loved, less desired, perhaps rejected by his parents/peers - may become aggressive, which will result in an attempt to inflict physical or moral injury yourself or others.

It is quite clear to many parents what “conditions suitable for the upbringing and development of a child” are: the child must be fed on time, clothed, shod, provided with clubs/teachers, etc. Such a concept as “lack of parental love and care” is puzzling.

Meanwhile, many children experience a lack of love in the family due to the parent’s inattention to the wishes of the child himself, as well as due to numerous quarrels between parents, divorce, illness or death of one of the parents, and due to physical and/or psychological abuse.

The child, in pursuit of parental love, uses physical force against younger and weaker brothers and sisters, or puts psychological pressure on them in order to assert themselves. Later, he will learn to apply the new skills he has acquired among his peers.

How does childhood aggression manifest itself at different ages?

The founders of psychoanalysis, Sigmund Freud, Melanie Klein and others wrote that aggression is an innate instinct. An example of this can be seen when children, out of excess of love, begin to beat their mother. It is important to stop this behavior and explain it with the words “Mom is hurt.”

Over time, in the process of upbringing, the child learns to cope with internal aggression using psychological defense mechanisms, such as sublimation, expressing his aggression on paper, or projection, transferring internal aggression onto others and perceiving them as aggressive people etc. Or it can transform aggression into constructive activity.

So, in an attempt to avoid aggression, your child suddenly begins to actively clean the house, selflessly learn a new piece of music. musical instrument, play sports, etc.

In early childhood, manifestation aggressive behavior considered normal, but with age it becomes unacceptable. The child must learn to express his feelings in words, and young aggressors become professionals in the epistolary genre. Physical aggression smoothly transforms into psychological attacks. Already from the age of 10, a frequent form of aggression in schools towards a child is boycott.

Types of childhood aggression

There is an open manifestation of aggression - when your child expresses his protest with screams or fists. Children and adolescents who do not know how to openly conflict and express their disagreement and dissatisfaction, conflict in a hidden form and often their aggression leads to self-destruction.

An example of such hidden aggression in younger age, there may be problematic behavior with peers: a desire to subjugate another, inability to come to a common decision, reluctance to study, do homework, encopresis (fecal incontinence), casual phrases about unwillingness to live, abdominal/head pain (although tests carried out in the clinic show that the child is healthy).

IN adolescence, hidden aggression manifests itself in the fact that a guy or girl finds it difficult to build healthy relationships with peers, experiences bouts of jealousy, and is unable to respect the desires and decisions of another person.

Trying to cope with internal tension, a teenager may begin to use inappropriate healthy ways struggle, in an attempt to “forget”. Alcohol, drugs, early sex life, cuts on body parts, anorexia. Disappointment, resentment and dissatisfaction not spoken out loud can lead to the development of depression.

Does a certain parenting style influence children's aggression?

Over the course of many years of working as a family psychotherapist, I noticed that parents, through their upbringing, shape not only the behavior and worldview of their children, but also program their future.

I remember a joke:

In Dr. Freud's office.
- Doctor, my son is just some kind of sadist: he kicks animals, frameskicks the elderly, tears off the wings of butterflies and laughs!
- How old is he? - 4 years.
- In that case, there’s nothing to worry about, it will pass soon,
and he will grow up to be a kind and polite person.
- Doctor, you calmed me down, thank you very much.
- You're welcome, Frau Hitler...

Used in different families different styles education. Some parents set too strict boundaries, they do not know how to communicate with the child, and the goal of education is complete control and obedience. Trying to be a good boy or a good girl at home, the child is forced to express all his dissatisfaction in the kindergarten or at school, often in an aggressive form.

There are parents, on the contrary, who are overly sensitive to their children, often listen to them, are afraid of offending the child’s feelings, so as not to injure them, God forbid.

Over time, it becomes increasingly difficult for such parents to set boundaries in their upbringing and limit their child. The inability of such parents to build boundaries and permissiveness lead to the child feeling stronger than his own parents, that he can do anything, and begins to show aggression towards his parent/brothers/sisters and towards peers.

In families with two or more children, parents can probably remember that having given birth to a younger one, they do not always have the strength and time to care for the older one. But, if parents systematically ignore and do not notice the older child, then he begins to feel “transparent” (children’s statement). And in order not to experience this heavy internal tension, the child’s behavior becomes impulsive, aggressive, with frequent mood swings. Thus, according to the children, “THEY ARE SEEN.”

The correct parenting strategy is that parents openly show love with words, gestures, affection, are interested in the lives of their children, are sensitive, notice if something happens to the child and try to console him. These parents control their children, but also know how to trust. A child who grows up in a family with healthy communication will use aggression only for self-defense. He will be able to express any dissatisfaction in an open form, in words.

Aggression towards parents: reasons and what to do?

Unfortunately, this is not uncommon in our society. More and more often I deal with families where a child insults and beats his parents. This causes enormous suffering for both the parent and the child, who feels like a monster. In this case, the parent needs to learn to set boundaries in education.

Don't wait for the situation to escalate; stop unwanted behavior immediately. How do you know when exactly to stop unwanted behavior? Believe me, you will feel it yourself. As soon as the child’s behavior causes you discomfort, you as a parent are obliged to stop it with the words: “This is unpleasant for me” or “I do not intend to continue the conversation in this form,” etc.

Respect yourself and by doing this you will teach your child to be sensitive to the needs of other people and to respect their personal space. A child who has been taught to respect his family members will definitely treat people around him and outside the family with respect.

Aggression towards peers: causes and what to do?

There may be several reasons for aggression towards peers. The child may not have enough parental attention, or the parent has a clear preference for his brother/sister, or the child is simply spoiled and unlearned to respect others, and perhaps is going through a difficult period in his life, in the event of illness, death, or divorce of his parents. In each individual case, a different approach is applied.

A family therapist, observing the dynamics of family relationships, is able to diagnose the problem and find an appropriate solution.

Differences in aggressiveness between boys and girls

We talked about how aggression is an innate instinct in both boys and girls. The manifestation of aggressive behavior, of course, differs between boys and girls, depending on accepted standards in society. If a conflict between boys that turns into a fight is perceived as normal, then a fight between girls can cause serious bewilderment among both peers and the older generation.

In the process of evolution, girls learned to use not physical, but verbal aggression, including intrigue and manipulation. Very rarely are boys the organizers of a boycott; usually this is the prerogative of girls.

Does childhood aggression go away with age?

No, childhood aggression in no way goes away with age, so it is important to learn to accept aggression rather than fight it. Many people, over the years, learn to listen to themselves, their body, to be aware of their aggression, to accept it, realizing that this is a transitory feeling. By expressing our pain/dissatisfaction/disappointment out loud, we learn to cope with this feeling.

An adult who does not know how to properly conflict and express his disagreement will subconsciously express his internal aggression towards his husband/wife through increased jealousy and/or an affair. This person is not able to respect the wishes of another person and will actively impose his opinion and his will.

At work, this can be expressed in intrigue, manipulation of others, or abuse of power.

How to correct a child's aggression? What should parents of an aggressive child do?

First of all, it is important to understand whether the child’s aggressive behavior is normal or pathological. Mothers who are unable to accept their son’s aggressive behavior come to me, meanwhile at a young age, up to 6 years it is absolutely normal. While it is difficult for a child to express himself verbally, he expresses this through behavior.

Learn to talk to your child. Explain that when he is angry, he can throw out his aggression on an inanimate object (pillow, mattress).

Enroll your child in a sports section for healthy expression of aggression. It is advisable that the child choose it himself.

Hug your child more often, show your love and care. Teach your child to talk: about his joy, about his pain, about his experiences. A child who receives psychological support from his parents is able to verbally express his feelings. He won't have to express aggression in other ways.

Zemtsova E. A. ,
Senior Lecturer at the Department of Private Methods
IPK and PC BSPU named after Maxim Tank

Aggression(in the most general definition) is harmful behavior. Aggression in form is divided into physical(beating, wounding) and verbal(verbal: insult, slander, refusal to communicate). Aggression is always accompanied by negative emotions and the intention to cause harm. According to some theories, aggression is an integral part of human nature.

Psychologist K. Lorenz believed that aggression originates from the innate instinct of struggle for survival, which is present in all people, as well as in animals. Aggressive energy accumulates over time. And the more of it there is in the body, the less significant a push is needed for it to splash out. Lorenz believed that if a person engages in non-harmful activities, it reduces aggression or prevents aggressive energy from building up to dangerous levels.

Aggressive behavior in childhood - a fairly common occurrence. A child’s aggression can be directed:

on surrounding people outside the family (teacher, classmates);
on loved ones;
on animals;
on oneself (hair pulling, nail biting, refusal to eat);
to external objects (destruction of objects, damage to property);

on symbolic and fantasy objects (drawings, collecting weapons, computer games aggressive content).

Motives for aggressive behavior in children

Aggressive behavior is most common unconsciously. His motives may not be realized by the child. Aggression is caused by words and actions (insult, provocation, accusation, mockery, ridicule) that humiliate human dignity. In such cases, aggressive behavior acts as a manifestation by the child psychological protection .

“Psychological protection” is a special system of personality stabilization aimed at eliminating or minimizing the feeling of anxiety associated with awareness of a conflict. The main task of psychological defense is elimination of psychological discomfort, not the actual resolution conflict situation. Therefore, some psychologists believe that psychological defense is not a normal, but an unusual way of resolving a situation that is not pleasant for a person. We can talk about the effect of psychological defense when a person, instead of identifying the causes of a problematic situation, begins to look for the “culprit” and thinks through ways of revenge (becomes aggressive).

The nature of aggressive behavior is largely determined age characteristics. The transition from age to age is accompanied by natural peaks of aggressiveness (age-related crises). Age crises associated with the emergence of new needs that are not satisfied for various reasons. If adults experience age-related crises every 7-10 years, then children experience this much more often.
Forms of manifestation of aggression in children of different ages

Research shows that babies often show anger if their needs are not sufficiently taken into account. Young children tend to show cruelty towards their newborn brother or sister, wanting to preserve their mother's love.

Adaptation to the regime in kindergarten accompanied by fighting, scratching, spitting - that is, open display of aggression. But it also happens passive manifestation of aggression by a child- stubbornness, refusal to eat and play, nail biting.

Children's aggression levels are decreasing in preschool age. Their intransigence peaks at 2 years of age, and their aggressiveness at 3 years of age. If a child has developed aggressive habits, then after 13 years it is very difficult to correct them.
A child's behavior depends significantly from the emotional climate in the family and above all, on how his relationship with his mother develops. 68% of one-year-old children who are attached to their mother later show more friendliness, they study better, have less conflicts with adults, and are more self-confident. If the mother is negligent in raising the child, then the children suffer, they show frequent outbursts of anger, and subsequently develop persistent aggressive behavior (many criminals were not attached to their mother at an early age).

Aggressive children usually grow up in families where they have little interest in them and prefer physical punishment patient explanation. But punishment is effective only when it is adequate to the action, consistent and accompanied by a friendly, patient explanation of the rules of behavior. IN as punishment can be used deprivation of incentives, temporary isolation from peers, rather than physical punishment and demonstration of hostility.

Generally, childhood aggression is the other side of defenselessness. Insecurity breeds fear. Trying to cope with his fears, the child resorts to defensive-aggressive behavior.
U children preschool age aggression usually manifests itself in the form of damaging toys, throwing objects, rough treatment of animals, crying, screaming, intransigence and stubbornness.

U junior schoolchildren Most often, aggression manifests itself in verbal form (ridicule, curses) towards weaker people, for example, classmates. Fights are not uncommon. The teacher's negative reaction can only strengthen this behavior, but still his authority encourages the child to restrain himself.

Aggressive behavior teenagers often means "to be grown up and strong." Adolescents' dependence on the opinions of their peers is their peculiarity. At this age, the largest percentage of children with deviant behavior is observed. Most high level of aggressiveness in teenagers who are in class leaders or outcasts. Adolescence is an acute crisis of growing up. This crisis will pass faster and easier if adults are ready to form equal, partnership-based relationships with teenagers and show a willingness to cooperate.

Thus, the age dynamics of aggression correspond to age-related crises in 3-4 years, 6-7 years And 14-15 years old.

In the process of socialization of a teenager, aggressive behavior fulfills a number of important functions: it frees you from fear, helps you defend your interests, protects you from external threats, and promotes adaptation in the adult world.

How to deal with an aggressive child

To prevent aggressive behavior children there is a wide range of possibilities. Specialists (psychologists, teachers) have developed special recommendations for adults on working on the aggressive behavior of children. These rules In a conflict situation with children and adolescents, they allow us to ensure a positive resolution of the conflict and establish partnerships.

Rule 1. Ignore minor aggression.

When children’s aggression is not dangerous and understandable, it is advisable for an adult to respond to the child’s behavior as follows:

Just “don’t notice” the child’s (teenager’s) reaction;

Express understanding of the child’s feelings: “I understand that you are offended”;
switch the child’s attention to something, for example, offer to perform some task (play);
positively define his behavior: “You are angry because you are tired.”

COMMENTS. Since it has been established that aggression accumulates in all people, an adult, seeing and understanding the situation, can simply listen carefully to the child (teenager) and try to switch him to something else. Adult attention is a must for children and teenagers. Often it is the lack of such attention that leads to aggressive behavior. Remember that ignoring aggression is powerful way changes in unwanted behavior.

Rule 2. Focus on actions (behavior), and not on the child’s personality.

At the moment of aggression, describe the child’s behavior using the following verbal options:

“You are behaving aggressively” (statement of fact);
"You're angry?" (statative question);
“Are you trying to hurt me?” “Are you showing me strength?” (disclosure of the aggressor’s motives);

“I don’t like being spoken to in this tone”, “I get tense when someone shouts loudly” (disclosing one’s own feelings towards unwanted behavior);

“You are breaking the rules of conduct” (appeal to the rules). COMMENTS. When pronouncing one of the statements, an adult needs to show calmness, goodwill and firmness. Focus only on the action, so that the child (teenager) does not hear in the tone of your voice that you are against him. Never bring up similar behavior in the past. After the child has calmed down, you need to discuss his behavior with him in detail and explain why his behavior is unacceptable. Focus on what aggression harms himself more than others. Think together (without witnesses) what behavior would be more acceptable in this case.

Rule 3. Control your own negative emotions.
Demonstrating his aggression, the child shows negative emotions: irritation, anger, indignation, fear, helplessness. When communicating with an aggressive child, similar emotions may arise in an adult. But an adult must be able to restrain himself. Control yourself by setting a positive example in dealing with counter-aggression, and maintain the partnership necessary for further cooperation.

Try:

do not raise your voice, do not shout, do not intimidate;
do not demonstrate your power: “It will be as I say”;
do not take aggressive poses and gestures (clenched jaws, fingers in fists);
do not laugh at the child, do not imitate him;
do not evaluate the personality of the child or his friends;
do not use physical force or threaten;
do not read lectures or sermons;
do not make excuses, do not try to defend yourself or bribe a child.

COMMENTS. Often, aggressive behavior in children is associated with desire to provoke the anger of an adult, thereby showing his weakness. If adults fall for this “bait”, they lose their authority in the eyes of children and the opportunity to establish partnerships. An adult must make an effort to reduce tension and aggression.

Rule 4. Maintain your child's positive reputation.
The child, like some adults, is very It's hard to admit you're wrong. A public discussion can hurt him and, as a rule, will only lead to increased aggressive behavior in the future. To maintain a positive reputation for your child, use the following behavior options with him:

“You may not be feeling well,” “You didn’t mean to offend him” (publicly minimize the child’s guilt);
allow me to fulfill your requirement partially, in my own way;
Offer your child an agreement with mutual concessions.

COMMENTS. Insisting on complete submission can provoke a new outburst of aggression. If allowed submit" in my own way" , the incident will be resolved sooner.

Rule 5. Demonstrate non-aggressive behavior.
As a result of the conflict, both sides lose control. You must remember that the younger the child, the more friendly your behavior should be in response to aggression. Adult behavior should be opposite bad behavior of a child (teenager). Therefore, the following techniques can be used here:

Pause (listen silently);
time-out (give the child the opportunity to calm down alone);
inspire calm with gestures and facial expressions;
joke (“You look cooler than Schwarzenegger now”).

COMMENTS. The kids are pretty fast adopt a non-aggressive behavior pattern. But the main condition is the sincerity of the adult and the correspondence of the tone of his voice, gestures, facial expressions, pantomime with the thoughts expressed by him.
So, at the initial stage of aggressive behavior (at the first minor signs), it is best to use the following methods of combating aggression:

Ignoring;
switching attention;
"Graceful Care"

Graceful care - This is a diplomatic maneuver that allows all participants to calmly get out of a conflict situation. Any original or non-standard reaction of an adult to a child’s aggressive behavior helps to resolve problematic situation better than threats and physical measures.
Switch The child's attention can be paid to the game. A game- most The best way a fun and entertaining pastime, and it is also the best way to relieve emotional stress, anxiety, and fear. Aggression in the game is being replaced by self confidence, is developing positive self-esteem, strengthens emotional sphere child.

Games and exercises for children and adolescents prone to aggressive behavior

These games free the child from accumulated negative energy. Of course, any other game, for example an active one, also relieves aggression, but often parents, after a hard day at work, do not have the strength to run around the apartment with their child or go outside with him. These games minimize the activity of an adult when playing with children and do not require a lot of space or special equipment. Invite your child to play if you see that “everything is wrong” for him, when he is angry or bored, or when he asks you to play with him.

When playing, please observe the following rules:

1. Always be sure praise the child: “Good!”, “Well done!”, “Clever girl!”, “How great you are doing!”, “Look how interesting it is for us!”

2. The atmosphere during the game must be positive. Enjoy the game yourself! It will relieve tension, irritation, and fatigue.

3. Even the most unexpected and strange answers of a child - good! There is no "right" or "wrong" in the game. The good thing is that it is original and non-standard.

A GAME" YES AND NO"

Target: relieve the child’s state of apathy, fatigue, and awaken vitality.

Equipment: small bell. Progress of the game

The great thing is that the game only involves voice. You and your child will have to wage an imaginary battle with words. Decide who will start and say the word “yes”, and the other will say the word “no”. Your entire argument will consist of these two words. You need to start very quietly, in an undertone, and then increase the volume until one of you two decides that it can’t get any louder. Then he will take the bell and ring it. The ringing of a bell is a signal to shut up and feel how pleasant it is to be in silence.

If you want to play more, you can continue by exchanging words.

A GAME" BLOTS"

Target: relieve the child’s fear and state of aggression.

Equipment: blank sheets paper, liquid paint (you can use gouache).

Progress of the game

You invite the child to take a little paint of any color on a brush and splash a “blot” onto the sheet. Fold the sheet in half so that the “blot” is imprinted on the second half of the sheet. Unfold the sheet and try to understand who or what the resulting double-sided “blot” looks like.

Aggressive or depressed children choose dark colors and see aggressive subjects in their “blots” (monsters, scary spiders, etc.). Through discussion of the “scary drawing,” the child’s aggression comes out, he is freed from negative energy.

Parents should definitely take light colors for their “blot” and come up with pleasant, calm associations (butterflies, fairy-tale flowers, trees, etc.)

A GAME" REPEAT AFTER ME"

Target: relieve fatigue and aggression in children. Equipment: pencils. Progress of the game

You tap the rhythm of a song on the table with a pencil. Then ask your child to repeat this rhythm. If the rhythm is repeated correctly, you and your child will tap it together. Then the child sets his own rhythm, and you repeat it. You can complicate the task by asking them to determine what song it is.

A GAME" IDENTIFY THE TOY"

Target: switch children's attention from aggression to play, develop thinking and speech.

Equipment: toys. Progress of the game

Invite your child to bring 5-6 different toys, lay them out in front of you and come up with a riddle about one of them. You figure out what kind of toy it is. If you guess correctly, the child removes it. And so on. You can come up with riddles one at a time, changing places. It is very interesting. Children 6-7 years old love to come up with riddles.

A GAME" Chopping wood"

Target: give children the opportunity to feel their aggressive energy and throw it out through movement.

Progress of the game

Invite your child to pick up an imaginary ax. Show how to chop wood with an axe. Ask your child to show how thick a piece of log he would like to cut. Tell him to place the log on a stump, raise the ax high above his head and lower it onto the log, shouting loudly “Ha!” Then place the log in front of the child and offer to chop it for 2-3 minutes. At the end he must say how many logs he cut.

You can chop wood together, three of you, that is, the whole family. Then everyone must say how much wood he chopped.

A GAME" THUNK-TIBI-DUH"

Target: remove negative emotions from children. Progress of the game

You say: "I see you have Bad mood. I know one magic spell against a bad mood. Here's what you need to do. Walk around the room and angrily say: “Tuh-tibi-duh!” Then come to me and also angrily and angrily cast this spell, then to mom (dad). There is one prohibition: you cannot laugh. Repeat the spell until it works."

For example, children interpret the proverb “The slower you drive, the further you will go”: you have to drive quietly, then you’ll get home faster.

Proverbs:
"Measure seven times, cut once"
"The master's work is afraid"
"Jack of all trades"
"The potatoes are ripe - get down to business"
"You can't catch a fish out of a pond without effort"
"More action - less words"
“There is grief - grieve, there is business - work”
"Bread earned is sweet"
"You can't buy gingerbread without work"
"In order not to make mistakes, there is no need to rush" Target: reduce tension and anxiety levels in children (preschoolers, primary schoolchildren), throw away negative emotions. Equipment: old newspapers. Progress of the game

Invite your child to tear the paper into pieces of different sizes and throw them into the center of the room. You can also tear the paper along with it. When the pile in the center of the room gets large, have your child play with it by tossing the pieces up, throwing them around, or jumping on them. Progress of the game

Offer to compose as many sentences as possible that include the following words, that is, each sentence must contain all three of these words:

lake, bear, pencil;
street, book, apron;
ball, sky, flower;
glasses, bag, bike.

Often, parents notice what they think is aggressive behavior in a child aged 5–6 years. It can manifest itself in different ways, for example, in excessive touchiness, a tendency to quarrel with adults and children, and intemperance. The task of the parent of such a child is to understand the reason for his aggressiveness and reduce such behavior to nothing.

However, first of all, you need to understand what the concept of “child aggression” is? How is it different from ordinary anger, which every person experiences from time to time? How to recognize aggressive behavior in children? BrainApps will answer these and many other questions.

What is aggressiveness?

The word "aggression" is of Latin origin and literally means "attack." Aggression in children is not uncommon, but adults are also susceptible to similar behavior. Its main problem is an acute contradiction to the norms established in society. Aggressive behavior causes psychological discomfort in others and often causes physical, moral and material damage. The aggressiveness of children is something that cannot be tolerated, because the behavior of young children can be controlled, but growing up, an aggressive child turns into an aggressive adult and poses a threat to others.

How can you tell if your child is aggressive?

He often behaves unrestrainedly, does not know how or does not want to control himself. In some cases, an aggressive child tries to control his emotions, but nothing works.
Likes to spoil things, gets pleasure when he breaks or destroys something, for example, toys.
Constantly gets into arguments with peers and adults, swears.
Refuses to comply with requests and instructions, knows the rules, but does not want to adhere to them.
Commits acts out of spite, deliberately trying to provoke a negative reaction in the people around him: irritation, anger.
He does not know how to admit mistakes and offenses; he makes excuses until the last moment or shifts the blame onto others.
The child remembers insults for a long time and always seeks revenge. There is excessive envy.

Please note that children, especially those aged 5-6 years, have bouts of disobedience. Anger caused by a serious reason, such as resentment or unfair punishment, is an absolutely normal reaction. You should only sound the alarm if you have been regularly noticing at least 4 of the listed signs in your children’s behavior for more than six months.

Reasons why aggression occurs in young children:

Aggression in young children can be caused by problems in the family.

Most causes of abnormal behavior small child you need to look in his environment. The environment in which children grow and develop is of great importance in the development of personality. Children form their own behavior based on the behavior of loved ones, that is, parents and relatives.

A common reason why children behave aggressively is a tense environment at home. It is not necessary to show aggression towards children; it is enough for parents to often quarrel among themselves. If a child sees aggression from his parents, is present during altercations, or hears screams, this cannot but affect his emotional state.

Quite a few 5-6 year old children form their own behavior patterns by looking at their parents. If mom or dad exhibits aggressive behavior outside the home, for example, in a store or clinic, this can cause children to become aggressive.

Aggression in children caused by socio-biological reasons

As we have already said, aggression in children aged 5 years old appears due to the environment in which he grows up, so aggressive behavior can be caused by misunderstandings. What do parents talk about among themselves when they think that the child does not hear or does not understand? What views on life do they hold and how are they voiced? Let's say mom or dad express disdain or hostility towards people who earn little money.

In such families, young children are aggressive towards, for example, peers who have shabby clothes or old, cheap toys. For the same reason, children 5 years old can show aggression, for example, towards a cleaner in a kindergarten or on the street.

Aggressive behavior in children as a consequence of lack of attention.

When a small child shows aggression, the reason for this behavior may be a banal attraction of attention. If parents do not spend enough time with their child and are indifferent to his achievements and successes, this often becomes the cause of deep resentment in children and, as a result, aggression.

How less for a child pay attention, the more likely it is that he will begin to show signs of aggression. There is a fairly clear connection between lack of attention and lack of education. Perhaps the child was simply not explained how to behave with adults and peers? A 5-6 year old child does not yet understand how to behave in society if his parents do not help him, he chooses a model of behavior intuitively and does not always do it correctly.

It is very important that parenting for children aged 5 is consistent and unified. Parents should have the same views on education. When mom and dad cannot agree on the upbringing and behavior of children, everyone pulls the blanket over themselves, and as a result, the children get confused. Ultimately, this results in a lack of education and aggression in children.

Another common reason for aggressive behavior in children in the family is the presence of a favorite among their parents. For example, my mother is constantly strict, forces her to follow the rules, help her around the house, and often scolds her. Dad, on the contrary, behaves kindly with the child, gives gifts, and allows a lot. Children aged 5–6 years are already able to choose a favorite among their parents. If parents suddenly start to quarrel, the child will most likely show aggression towards the less beloved parent, defending the favorite.

Aggression in children caused by personal reasons

Sometimes an aggressive child will show signs of being unstable, unstable psycho-emotional state. There can be quite a few reasons.

In some cases, the reason for such aggressive behavior is the presence of fears. The child is tormented by a feeling of anxiety, tormented by fears and nightmares. The aggressiveness of children in this case is just a defensive reaction.

If parents have not instilled in the child a sense of self-respect, a child under 6-7 years of age may express dissatisfaction with himself and his own behavior through aggression. Such children perceive failures acutely, cannot come to terms with them, and often do not like themselves. Such an aggressive child experiences negative emotions towards himself, and at the same time towards the world around him.

The reason for aggression at 5-6 years old may be a banal feeling of guilt. The kid has unfairly offended or hit someone, he is ashamed, but for some reason he cannot admit his mistake. As a rule, this is excessive pride and an inability to admit one’s mistakes. By the way, parents should teach this skill to the child. Often the aggressiveness of such children is even directed towards children towards whom they feel guilty.

Aggression in children caused by physical health problems.

The causes of aggression do not always lie in the psychological state of the child or his environment. Aggression and aggressiveness are often associated with somatic diseases, for example, with disorders of the brain. They can be caused by severe head injuries, infections, and intoxication.

Remember, if aggressive behavior began to appear after a traumatic brain injury, for example, after a concussion, the cause of aggression may be precisely this injury.

Sometimes the cause of aggressive behavior in children 5–6 years old is heredity. Often, the parents of a 5-6 year old child who shows aggression abused alcohol, narcotic and psychotropic substances before conception.

Could the cause of children's aggressiveness lie in their passion for video games?

Scientists have been arguing for quite some time about whether the cause of aggressive behavior can be a passion for violent computer games. In fact, games themselves rarely cause aggression. Passion for games with big amount violence and cruelty is rather a consequence of aggressive behavior. Of course, such games affect the human brain, making him less compassionate, but this is not enough to turn a peaceful, obedient child into an aggressive one.

How to deal with a 5-7 year old child who is showing aggression?

If you notice aggression in the behavior of a child under the age of 6–7 years, and then were able to identify the reason for this behavior, you need to learn how to behave correctly. Child psychologists and teachers have developed a whole list of recommendations on how to behave correctly with aggressive child. These rules will not only prevent children’s behavior from getting worse, but also correct it.

1. Don’t react to minor aggression from children.

If children show aggression, but you understand that it is harmless and caused by objective reasons, it is most reasonable to behave as follows:

pretend not to notice the aggressive behavior;
show that you understand children's feelings, say the phrase: “I understand that you are unpleasant and offended”;
try to switch the child’s attention to an object far from the object of aggression, offer to do something else, play.

The aggression of children, and adults, can accumulate, so sometimes you just need to listen carefully to what the child wants to convey to you. In addition, do not forget that a child aged 5–6 years critically needs the attention of an adult, which means ignoring is a powerful and effective method behavior correction.

2. Assess your child's behavior, not his personality.

Stay calm and speak in a firm, friendly voice. It is important for you to show your child that you are not against him, but against his aggressive behavior. Do not emphasize that similar behavior has already been repeated. Use the following phrases:

“I don’t like you talking to me like that” - you show your feelings;
"Do you want to hurt me?" – you show what aggressive behavior leads to;
“You are behaving aggressively” is a statement of incorrect behavior;
“You are not behaving according to the rules” is a reminder that aggressive behavior leads to violation of the rules.

After attacks of aggressive behavior, you need to talk to children. Your task is to show that aggression harms the child himself most of all. Be sure to discuss behavior and aggression, try to imagine with your child how it would be better to act in such a situation.

3. Keep your own negative emotions under control

Aggressive behavior in children is unpleasant. Children's aggression can manifest itself in screams, tears, swearing, and it would seem that the natural reaction of an adult to disrespectful treatment is retaliatory aggression. Just don’t forget that you are an adult who is able to control your own emotions.

If a child at 5-7 years old shows aggression, try to remain calm and friendly. Your goal is harmony in the family, a calm, obedient child, and this is not possible without establishing partnerships between children or parents. Therefore, do not raise your voice, do not shout, control your own gestures. Clenching your jaw, clenched fists, and a frown are signs of aggression that should be avoided when interacting with children. In addition, avoid making value judgments about the personality of the child and his friends, do not try to lecture, and of course, do not use physical force.

4. Take care of your child's reputation

Aggression in children often leads to moments when it is difficult for children to admit that they are wrong. It may seem that a child of 5 years old is small and does not yet understand anything, but this is a sufficient age to feel the desire to maintain a reputation. Even if the child is wrong, try not to condemn him publicly, and do not show others your negative attitude. Public shaming is not very effective and will most likely lead to even more aggressive behavior.

Also, learn to make concessions. When you have found out the reason for aggressive behavior, offer your child a compromise way out of the situation; when raising children 5–6 years old, this is the best option. In this case, the child does not feel the need to completely obey, he obeys “in his own way,” which will more likely help resolve the conflict.

5. Choose the kind of behavior that you expect from your children.

You should always remember that when children 5 years old show aggression, you must overcome yourself and, no matter what you feel, show a non-aggressive behavior pattern. When children display aggressive behavior, pause, do not argue, and do not interrupt. Remember that sometimes children need some alone time in moments of aggression to calm down. Give your child this time. And most importantly, express calm with your gestures, facial expressions, and voice.

We have already said that children tend to adopt the behavior of their parents. Friendliness and non-aggression are inherent in children by nature, so they quickly adopt a non-aggressive model of behavior from their parents.

If you adhere to the listed rules, sooner or later it will help overcome aggressive behavior in children. You, however, can speed up the process and help a 5-6 year old child get rid of aggression more quickly. For example, children's aggression is eliminated in some cases physical activity. Send your child to a sports section so that he can throw out excess energy. If you notice the beginnings of aggressive behavior in children, ask them to talk about their feelings, offer to draw emotions or model them out of plasticine. This will somewhat distract the child from anger and, perhaps, reveal some talent in him.

Thus, to summarize, we can say: the most important thing when signs of aggression appear in children is to remain calm, be understanding, looking for compromises parent.

According to statistics, psychologists are most often contacted with complaints about a child’s aggressive behavior. Let's look at the details of children's aggressiveness: what kind of behavior is considered aggressive and where does its source come from? Read about what to do if a child is aggressive: reasons for aggressiveness, recommendations for parents, correcting game behavior.

Aggression and age-related crises

What manifestations of a child's behavior indicate an aggressiveness problem?

Observe your child: what manifestations of his behavior indicate the presence of aggressiveness? He is quick-tempered and often gets into fights with peers, can swing at his mother and grandmother (or easily hit them), throws and breaks various objects, screams and threatens, swears, and can offend an animal. All these are signs of aggressiveness. However, this is not yet a reason to label a child “aggressive.”

A character trait like aggressiveness is far from inherent a large number children. Most often, many different reasons can be hidden behind outwardly aggressive behavior.

Aggression, first of all, is a reaction to a specific situation, most often unfavorable for the child. If parents do not pay close attention to such situations and cannot adequately perceive them, then outbursts of aggression can become entrenched in the child’s character, turning into a stable trait.

"Advice. Do not take your child’s aggressive behavior as a tragedy. Remember that this behavior most often appears during periods age crises(crisis 3 years, crisis 6-7 years, teenage crisis 13-14 years old). This means that it will soon pass.”

Manifestations of aggressiveness are associated with age-related crises

Anger or malice- the basis of aggressive behavior. This is important to understand. When a child shows aggression in any form, ask yourself the question: does he feel anger? It is quite simple to determine this: by clenched fists, a tense facial expression, clenched teeth.

Aggressiveness of a 2-3 year old child cannot be compared with cruelty, although it may seem to you that the child is behaving cruelly, tearing off the legs of a grasshopper or hitting his mother soft toy on the head. The kid doesn’t yet understand that this is cruel. He still doesn’t really know that such actions can cause pain. You just need to explain to the baby that it hurts. If your baby grabs your hair, tell him “It hurts” and remove his hand. If the baby falls and cries, explain: “You hit yourself, that’s why it hurts. I will help you” and take pity on him.

“When a baby is born, he doesn’t yet know what he can do and what he can’t do. Needed with early years instill social norms and rules of behavior, talk about what not to do. For example, you can’t hit people and animals.”

Aggressiveness of preschool children (4-5 years old) manifests itself in its own way. In Group kindergarten Usually 1-2 pupils demonstrate aggression, and this happens unexpectedly. Some of the children are hit on the head with a wooden block, some are pushed down the stairs, some have their toy castle destroyed. Violence among preschoolers is thoughtless, unintentional, and more spontaneous. Children of preschool age do not yet understand and do not recognize their cruelty, and cannot assess the degree of pain caused.

Junior schoolchildren (6-9 years old) And teenagers (13-15 years old) group aggression is inherent.

The main reasons for aggressive behavior in schoolchildren include:

display of physical superiority
the desire to rise through rudeness, force, humiliation of someone
maintaining personal dignity
revenge for humiliation, insult
student's struggle for high status
emotional instability
low level of self-control
watching scenes of violence and eroticism in films
communication in “bad” company
dysfunctional atmosphere in the family.

Aggressiveness of teenagers may manifest itself if it is not corrected in preschool and primary school age.

Aggressive behavior in adolescents is common

Causes of children's anger

The main causes of children's anger and aggressive behavior:

The child’s family and environment influence the presence of his aggressive tendencies.
A child’s call for help, grief, a feeling of unhappiness.
An innate tendency towards violence and destruction.
Neurological diagnosis (damage to the nervous system).

Children whose causes of aggression are the reasons described above need to be raised more diligently, carefully explaining the consequences of their actions. Sometimes it is impossible to do without the help of a specialist (psychotherapist, psychiatrist), especially for children who exhibit various inappropriate behavior or tend to deliberately cause pain to people and animals. Such manifestations may be symptoms of mental illness (psychopathy, schizophrenia, epilepsy).

Pay attention to factors that increase aggression in children

remember, that may increase aggression and cruelty:

Watching horror films, scenes of violence.
Violent computer games.
Cruel attitude of parents (if parents beat, they are indifferent).
Internal feeling of unhappiness, misunderstanding by relatives and society.

What to do with aggressive behavior?

Respond to aggression to prevent the behavior from becoming a personality trait.

React immediately

If a child has acted improperly, tell him about it immediately, without delay. Take him aside and explain to him the connection between his behavior and the consequences. Tell him that if he misbehaves or bites, then, for example, he will ruin the holiday. Even if you yourself are angry, try not to raise your voice at the child, not to scold him for disobedience, and under no circumstances to hit him. Although these measures will not force him to change rapidly, but thanks to them he will be able to understand that verbal and physical aggression are not always acceptable. Set a good example yourself by pulling yourself together and calmly taking the child aside.

Follow the plan

Always respond to aggressive behavior in the same way. By behaving predictably (“You’re fighting again, so play alone for now”), the little bully will get used to it quickly. He will understand that bad behavior will not add joy to him. And this awareness is the first step towards self-control.

Always discuss

When the child calms down, discuss the incident. It’s better to do this after half an hour or an hour: when he has already come to his senses, but has not yet forgotten about the incident. Let the child explain what caused the outburst of anger (“Kolya, why did you quarrel with Kostya?”). Explain that it is completely normal to get angry sometimes, but that it is not okay to fight. You can teach your child another way to overcome anger: simply leave for a while from the situation or person that brings him dissatisfaction. At this time, it is worth considering your behavior and finding the right way out of the situation.

"Advice. Special therapeutic tales that you can come up with together will help you overcome anger.”

Learn to be responsible

Teach your child the rule: broken, broken, scattered - everything must be put in order. If he breaks a toy, help him fix it. If you crumbled cookies or scattered cubes, explain what you need to clean up after yourself. Do not punish, but simply explain to your child the connection between aggressive behavior and its consequences.

"Advice. Teach your child to apologize for his unworthy behavior.”

Notice your child's good behavior

Reward your child with your attention and approval if he behaves well (especially if the child’s behavior was not at all brilliant before).
For example, if a child no longer resolves a conflict on the playground with his fists or gives in to another child to ride on the swing. Say that you are proud of your child and explain why: “You did well - that’s what well-mannered children do.”

FFilter what your child watches on TV

Do not allow your child to watch all TV shows, cartoons and films for a long time. Not all of them are harmless: many of them are filled with fights, screams, scenes of cruelty, and threats. If you saw something similar on the screen with your child, discuss: “It seems to me that this character behaves very decently. Did you see how he hit the puppy? You can’t do that, right?”

Keep track of what computer games your child plays

Neither young children nor teenagers will benefit from computer games filled with scenes of violence, ugly characters, and a dark plot. Offer them other, brighter, interesting virtual developments.

"Advice. If you see that your child is prone to aggression, often behaves differently from other children, and attacks of aggression cannot be calmed down, do not hesitate to contact a specialist - a psychologist, psychotherapist or psychiatrist. If you don’t take action in time, you can expect difficulties in studying, communicating and developing as a person.”

Corrective games

Play therapy– a great way to correct behavior. What games can help an aggressive child?

Game "Toy in the fist"

Let the child close his eyes. Place a toy in his hand. Now let him clench his fist very, very tightly and hold it like that for a while. And then he will open his hand and look at the toy. This game will relieve the child’s stress and switch him to positive emotions.

Game "Bag of Wrath"

Create a so-called “bag of anger.” To do this you will need a simple balloon, where you need to pour flour, sand or some kind of fine grain (about half a glass). Tie the resulting bag. Show your child new toy, explaining that the “anger bag” can be used whenever you are angry with someone. It can be thrown, hit against a wall or a table. This is how the child will express his aggressive emotions.

Attentive parents can do a lot to prevent and correct aggressive behavior in children

What parents can do aggressive child Firstly?

Acknowledge his feelings, and also do not hide yours. By doing this, you will teach your child to tell him what he is worried about and what he needs.
Teach to express aggression in acceptable ways (see games).
Create rules of behavior in the family and demand that they follow them.
Ask all family members to raise the child in accordance with the same tactics.
Loving a child, helping him become good.
Demonstrate your own positive example.
Offer to the child alternative ways energy output (sports, active games).
Do not overload your child with activities.

Love, an attentive and patient attitude towards a child, and the positive behavior of parents can do miracles - direct the child’s aggression in a different direction, teach him to be kind and self-possessed.

Weight loss